Friday, February 06, 2009
Food Theory: Topping
| A few years ago there was a Sonic commercial that went a little something like this: A young couple is in a jewelry store looking at some rather fine diamonds. The girl's eyes are dancing but the guy seems less than impressed. Picking up on his displeasure, the salesmen says,"Perhaps you'd like it... with CHEESE?" He then proceeds to pour a huge ladle full of melted cheese on top of the diamonds. This is greeted with huge smiles and nodding heads from the young couple. I know that feeling. I've lived that feeling. I have always held the belief that most things can be made better if you can just find the right topping. While cooking is often thought of as an "art," it very often is more science than art. This shines through especially when you see how often people in the food world try and "classify" foods. The most widely know is Sweet vs. Savory. Of course as with all "theories" there are those who disagree. (I personally have no issues with things being either one or the other.) As an example of controversial food classifications, we have "The four basic food groups." Children under about 15 wouldn't know what that means. Us "older folk" know exactly what it means:
Out go the four food groups and in comes the food pyramid. There are suddenly like 6 or 7 different "groups" and you have to stack them the right way. Then the food pyrmaid underwent a few changes until now it is just a stupid mess that no one understands. I want to make a theory of food that no one can deny or argue with. In cooking, especially French style cooking, you hear a lot about the four "Mother Sauces" from which all other sauces derive. (Listed here with the early 20th century additions)
I refuse to fall into the "Food Pyramid" mistake and make a theory no one can understand. I want everyone to embrace it, to love it, and to live it. Just like I do. I therefor present my theory of Toppings: Anything you eat can be made better with the simple addition of a topping (or sauce) chosen from the following list:
Then one say I ran into ice cream. Neither chili, nor cheese works on frozen dairy creations. Suddenly, Chocolate joined the list. I thus had my "original three" of Chocolate, Cheese, and Chili. The symmetry of all three starting with CH was obviously a sign. Those three lasted me for several years. Sadly, I began to notice foods that were not improved by any of the three. In particular, mashed potatoes. Yes, I have put chili and/or cheese on some mashed potatoes. in theory I figured it was sort of like chili cheese fries that had a rough ride to the table. Deep down I knew my theory had a flaw. Gravy was soon added to the list. What a fine fine addition it was. Suddenly all meats could be improved in several ways. Life was once again very very good. Gravy was the addition of necessity. Years later I began to find myself eating Cool Ranch Doritos entirely too much. I found myself making excuses to eat them. I'd always loved putting Cool Ranch Doritos on my Subway sandwiches. (Of course the reason is Subways have almost no flavor and absolutely no crunch, both of which CRD's have plenty of.) This eventually led to the "Cool Ranch Dorito Krystal" I love so much. (The linked post also shows the addition of cheese whiz to a Krystal. Yum!) If gravy was a sauce of necessity, Ranch is a sauce of love. Finally, my list was complete. I thought. Then I went to breakfast. I had pancakes. I had a problem. I know there are chocolate chip pancakes, but the chocolate is IN the pancakes. I don't know anyone who orders a stack of flap jacks and pours chocolate syrup on top. Chili? Cheese? Ranch? Nope. Gravy? Probably not. As I sat there contemplating the new hole in my theory I ate my pancakes. My sweet and sticky and delicious pancakes. What could I possibly be overlooking? So there you have it folks. My list is complete, as far as I know. So when you find yours eating something that just don't excite you; when you sit down to dinner and can't resisting a yawn; when you'd rather eat your lunch box than what it inside your lunch box, the solution is easy. Grab one of the magic six and pour it on. It might be a good idea to keep some extra in the fridge or cabinets just in case. I know I do.  |
