Saturday, March 07, 2009
If you wanna fight, you have to take your shirt off.
| A couple of posts over on Facebook from Joe, a high school classmate of mine caught my attention. Apparently Covington, GA, which is near where I grew up in Conyers, has been having a problem lately with naked people trying to get into fights.Having grown up Georgia, I am very familiar with the sight of shirtless men, usually drunk and sweaty, fighting. It's most commonly seen in the parking lot of a bar, right around closing time, and people are being ushered outside. The argument is usually because of a woman. Perhaps this was some genetic thing like gorillas beating their chest, cobra's flattening their necks and hissing, or skunks lifting their tails. When I was growing up, I figured it was just a "drunk macho redneck thing" since it seemed to always be drunk rednecks. One time I did see two sweaty girls, one topless, in a parking lot fight. Before you guys start thinking "Cat Fight!" I need to explain that the verbal insults prior to the fight involved one calling the other "Shamu" and the description fit. It wasn't until years later when I had gotten into hockey, I finally realized the brilliance (perhaps unintentional) of the strip down then fight strategy. In hockey players usually wear a lot of pads under their jerseys to protect them during play. When it comes to the "extra curricular activities" your jersey and pads actually give your opponent an advantage. There are two basic strategies for fighting that involve the "sweater" (jersey). In the classic one, you see most often these days, you take your left hand and grab the sleeve of your opponent's right arm between the wrist and elbow, and twist it to try and immobilize their right arm, and preventing them from punching you. With a firm grip on their jersey you can also push and pull and keep them off balance while you swing your (hopefully) free right hand. This strategy is very common and very effective in causing a "draw." Unless one combatant is strong or crafty enough to leverage his opponent off his skates or break free. I did however witness one occasion where the strategy backfired badly. Macon had a player at one point named Rob "Robbie" Phillips. Rob's left elbow was a disaster of scar tissue from injuries over his career. He never really was considered a "tough guy" so no one really knew how he fought and no one knew he was really left handed, or a "southpaw" as they call it in boxing. One night while playing Huntsville, an opponent decided to pick on Robbie and grabbed Robbie's right sleeve, twisted it up good and held on. Rob later said he just "locked" his left elbow at an angle and proceeded to land 10 or 15 blows repeatedly on his opponent who eventually asked Rob to let him go and stop hitting him. This is why boxers don't like southpaws. Everything is backwards. The second strategy made famous in the movie Youngblood, is to simply try and pull your opponent's jersey up and over their head. This serves the triple purpose of blocking their vision, lifting their arms up and exposing their midsection, and also preventing them from swinging punches back at you. You can see an excellent display of this in action with the following video. If the video above doesn't work click here The second NHL game I ever saw was Atlanta vs. Buffalo many years ago. I considered that game to be the ultimate in showcasing the NHL. I got to see a Miraslav Satan penalty shot (before the NHL made penalty shots as common as brown M&M's). I got to see Dominik Hasek, my favorite goalie (who would go on to win 2 Stanley cups with my beloved Red Wings) and I got to see a Rob Ray fight. His jersey never left his body, though, because the NHL had instituted the "Rob Ray Rule." Watch Rob in white and see how easily his sweater "disappears." If the video above doesn't work click here Due to this a new strategy arose in fighting: rip off the other player's jersey and they get kicked out for the Rob Ray rule. I saw that happen many times in Macon, in particular to our captain Phil Valk who was smart, big, tough as nails, and good at making other people hate him.  An earlier invention from Macon comes from Richie Walcott. Richie may have been one of the most physically gifted athletes I have ever met face to face. in his hockey sweater he looked much like everyone else, except he was black. On rare occasions you'd see him with his jersey off and then you'd see the difference. While most other players have quite a bit of padding and protection under their jerseys, Richie only had one small sholder pad to protect one shoulder as he rammed you into the wall. Everything under his jersey was 100% Richie. He was huge and ripped. If he wasn't such a darn nice guy, he'd be terrifying. Richie always used his fight strap but found his jersey constricting. Even though he wore the largest sized jersey allowed by the rules and wore no padding underneath, he still felt "restricted." Then one day he saw our goalie Eric Patry. Goalies wear WAY more pads than anyone else, and Eric was a rather tall and lanky goalie. To fit all those pads under his jersey, he got his jersey "modified." He had someone open up the seams on both sides and add in about 4" of extra material on each side to give him more room. It worked like a charm. Richie saw all of the room Eric had and decided he wanted that, too.  I guess the bottom line is, when you are going to get into a fight in the parking lot of a bar, you have two choices: Do the Rob Ray and take your shirt off, or do the Richie Walcott and wear comfortable clothes with room to move. I think southerners tend to go with the "Rob Ray." Its quick and easy and requires zero forethought. PS When I said Richie was a gifted athlete, I wasn't kidding. Apparently after he'd had his fill of hockey he went back to baseball. No word yet on him modifying his baseball jersey for those times he has to charge the mound.  |
