My brother has a cat named Huckleberry. Actually, Huckleberry belongs to my sister in law, Amy. Everyone (including Huck) will tell you that. They got Huckleberry when they lived in Germany. He no longer straps on his little spiked kitty helmet and goose steps around the house. But occasionally you can catch him staring longingly at those VW commercials. And if you're sleeping in and he's ready for breakfast, you're sure to hear him yell "Schnell!!!"
Huckleberry does has a problem though. The rest of the family doesn't like to admit it. It's the deep dark secret. Huckleberry is an addict. He's hooked on Old Bay. And I do mean hooked. He wraps both arms around the can, snuggles up close, and licks it all over. Then his kitty eyes cloud over and he zones out. The next morning is always a bit rough for poor Huck. You know how it is, when you're out at the bar "Hittin the OB hard" and then you hear the words "Last Call." Everyone still left at the bar starts to scramble for someone, ANYONE, to go home with, hoping to get out before the lights get turned on and you actually have to SEE who or what you're going home with. But then, sure enough, the sun comes up the next morning, and you have to face the truth. This is such a common event there are plenty of terms describing it: HFFA (Hot from far away), Beer Goggles, and the famous Wolf/Coyote Date. Or in Huck's case, a Mouse Date. Sure enough when 1pm rolls around, he finally drags himself out of bed, smelling like catnip and cheap kitty litter. He staggers into the kitchen and pulls up a chair, and mumbles. We keep telling him he needs to stop but we get the same old responses:
"I can quit any time I want to."
"A little Old Bay never hurt anyone."
"All the cool cats are doing it, man!"
Perhaps the only thing that is keeping Huck from an O.B. O.D is that, without opposal thumbs, he is unable to open the cans himself. He needs an enabler. So he goes to underground "Old Bay Raves" where they open cans and pour them out all over the floor. Some nights they even have "Old Bay wrestling."
I wonder if Dr. Drew can help? |
# posted by JasonJ1052 @ 7:11 PM
