Friday, May 30, 2008
Jason fixes the world's problems.
| Now that graduation season has come to a close, it is time for everyone to review and recap the events. This happens EVERY year in Macon and is the topic of debates and arguments through the summer until school starts back in the fall. The reason there continues to be "problems" is first of all the people in charge have no guts, and most of them also have no sense. Oh, and of course, the families of some of the graduates have no class. I have sat through MANY graduations in my lifetime. I happen to enjoy the idea of graduation. It is a ceremony to honor years or hard work and accomplishment. Sadly, a lot of people see it is an excuse to act like wild animals and lunatics fresh out of the asylum. Given my vast graduation experience, and relative abundance of common sense, let me just got ahead and lay out how to solve almost all of these problems once and for all. I do need to state up front though, that I have a reputation for being a bit of a "rectal orifice" at times. That stems from the fact that I don't sugar coat things very well and have no problem telling people they are acting like an idiot when they ARE acting like an idiot. A recent Macon telegraph article brings to light a few of the issues: rowdy guests in attendance, dress code, and lack of tickets. After suffering through the recent CFCC graduation (or "Circus" as my coworkers call it) I would like to add two more: family members wandering anywhere they like during the ceremony to take pictures or give their kids flowers, and families leave immediately after their graduate has crossed the stage. First, the easiest solution of all: Stop Having Graduation Ceremonies. Yes, I know that option will upset a lot of people, but here's the twist. They WANT a ceremony to honor the graduates, yet the go with the intention of being disruptive and disrespectful to EVERYONE else? It's pretty sad that at a celebration of education, there's usually more of a demonstration of stupidity. OK, so if you simply MUST have graduation, lets deal with the dress code. That's easy. Send out dress code requirements at the beginning of the year and include a HUGE notice that people not meeting the standard will be turned away. Include pictures if needed. Explain that people are expected to arrive in their "Sunday best" not in the "Friday night wrasslin' and racin' best." After one year of turning people away I bet the problem will cease to exist the next year. Word gets out, you know. OK so now friends and family are all inside and it's time to start calling the graduates names. This is where the BIGGEST problem occurs. Family and friends yelling and screaming and blowing horns when their child's name it called. This makes it impossible for people to hear the next 2 or 3 names, thus ruining graduation for the people right behind the graduate with obnoxious guests. There's PLENTY of solutions for this problem, but the easiest is to stop calling out their names. Let the students walk across the stage, just don't call out their names. Seems simple enough. OK if you simply MUST call out their names, let bring some technology into play. Hang a crowd microphone to monitor noise levels. If, as a graduate crosses the stage, the noise level goes above a given noise level, there's a large gentleman on the other end of the stage to TAKE THE DIPLOMA BACK from the graduate. If they wish to graduate they must come back next year, and hopefully by then their friends and family will learn how to act in public (or won't be invited). This could go on forever, too. Imagine having to explain that you graduated at age 38 because your rowdy parents couldn't shut their mouths for 20 minutes. What about noise at other times? Well most every graduation I have ever been to or heard of tickets are free. Lets put an end to that. Lets charge $5 a ticket. At least the first year. We'll increase that next year if needed. If people have to pay for tickets they're more likely to have respect. (Sadly, I know some will see that as giving them the "right" to make a fool of themselves. This happens all the time at sporting events.) Then we take that $5 per head, and use it to hire security, who are "deputized" for that one night only. Put one in each section in the stands, and anyone acting up or blowing air horns will be ticketed for disturbing the peace and ejected (preferably with force). "Hey Billy, good job on graduating with honors. Sorry your dad got dragged down the stairs and thrown out the front door cause he was blowing that train whistle." The solution for people roaming around and disrupting everything is simple. Fire Marshall? Arrest that man! I know everyone wants to get "that perfect picture" of their graduate. That's why EVERY school hire a photographer to take pictures of EVERY graduate. Oh, I know. You don't want to actually PAY for the professional photos. So not only are you rude and obnoxious, you're cheap too? At my undergraduate graduation we had a father who was all up and down the center aisle taking pictures of his daughter who was in the middle of my row. At one point he couldn't seem to get "the perfect angle" for his 837th picture so he asked the girl beside me to leave forward. I happen to know the girl beside and and she'd always been a rather quiet girl, easy to get along with. I don't know where i came from, but she proceeded to absolutely rip into this guy, verbally, asking why he was ruining her graduation and embarrassing his daughter. It was absolutely beautiful, and got a small round of applause amongst those of us who heard it. You have plenty of time before and after graduation for pictures of your graduate. You always have the option of buying the professional ones from the school. Most graduation ceremonies set aside a "photography area' near the stage exit specifically for those guests who think they can do better than the professional photographer. As a side note, though, at CFCC's graduation, all the amateur photogs caused the line to back up to the point people were stuck waiting on stage, while people got 2, 3, and 4 pictures taken. I wish I had "the perfect" solution for people who decide to leave graduation early. I have a good solution, but it's not perfect. I wish I could understand the mentality of people who do that, but I can't. The best solution I can come up with is for who ever is calling names to stop, and point out to everyone in attendance the people skipping out on the rest of the graduates, and pausing for 20 seconds, so everyone who knows how to act in public to hurl verbal abuse and insults at those who don't. You disrespect me and my graduate and I'll embarrass you and indirectly your graduate. (Oh yes, word will get out very quickly as to which graduate's guests got boo'ed.) I suppose we could also position more "deputized" personnel to hand out citations to the people leaving early. Fines of $20 each sounds good. So I think we've solved almost all of the problems. The one left to solve isn't really a problem with graduation it is more a problem of society, school administrators, and children today.
That is not how the world works, and by stating that you have to treat everyone the same, simply cripples children. The world is not fair, and it never will be. And it is those of us in higher education who have to deal with these misguided children when they get to college and learn (the hard way) that AVERAGE work earns a C, not a B, and not an A. K-12 schools hand out A's like candy, so when we, in higher education, try to grade them on a realistic scale, they think WE are the problem, not grade schools, and certainly not themselves. The fact that they get FIFTEEN tickets and STILL complain that they don't get enough is a clear sign of the entitlement syndrome. Maybe if tickets were given out based on the graduates class ranking, things would improve. Want more tickets? Get better grades. This is a more accurate representation of the real world than Ms. Middleton's delusional utopia. I have scoured the internet and not found anywhere that gives FIFTEEN tickets to graduation in high school or college. I seem to recall at my high school I got 6 or 8 tickets. Half of them were blue tickets and those were admitted first, then the other half (white tickets) were admitted space available. Those white tickets that couldn't get in sat outside and watched on close circuit TV. I cannot FATHOM someone needing FIFTEEN tickets to graduation. That's both parents, all 4 grandparents, and all 8 great grandparents. Yes I left out the kids, as they should be left at home anyway. Anyone under about 12 will be bored, fussy, disruptive, and really shouldn't go. Again if you charged $5 a head for tickets I bet demand would drop to about 6 person. Could someone PLEASE tell me why you would need 15 tickets? (OK, I know, the more people you invite, the more graduation gifts you get, but again there's that entitlement problem again.) So there you have it folks. The solution to all of the graduation problems is fairly simple. The problem is our school administrators have no guts or no sense, our youth have no grasp on reality, and the country is littered with people with no class.  |
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"K-12 schools hand out A's like candy, so when we, in higher education, try to grade them on a realistic scale, they think WE are the problem, not grade schools, and certainly not themselves."
Now that is SO true...but the blame (in my case anyway) can't lie with the teacher. I've been yelled at by more than one parent for giving their "little Genius" any grade below perfect when their work is anything but. When I won't change the grade to suit the parent, the parent bitches to the principal who just gets tired of hearing the complaining and decides to change the grade. Maybe those same corrupt administrators are the ones who allow the circus of graduation go on year after year? Who knows.
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Now that is SO true...but the blame (in my case anyway) can't lie with the teacher. I've been yelled at by more than one parent for giving their "little Genius" any grade below perfect when their work is anything but. When I won't change the grade to suit the parent, the parent bitches to the principal who just gets tired of hearing the complaining and decides to change the grade. Maybe those same corrupt administrators are the ones who allow the circus of graduation go on year after year? Who knows.
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