Today the redhead, tomorrow the king.

Well, Wendy's Drops Red Pigtail Ad Campaign. Let me be the first to say "Thank goodness!" Oh you've seen the ads. If you missed them, you can catch a few on the promotions website www.hotjuicyburger.com. Don't miss the first one of the guys kicking trees. The first time I saw it I wasn't left wanting a Wendy's Hamburger, I was left wondering who put a heavily medicated 4 year old in charge of Wendy's advertising. Well given the welcome news today that they were yanking the campaign, I decided to dig back a bit and found this article. The last sentence of the article, from the chief creative officer (AKA the heavily medicated 4 year old) for the firm who came up with the ads reads: "You have to be more random," he said. "It's like when you meet someone at a party and they don't take themselves seriously, you kind of like them more. It's the same principle, really. My first response was "You don't get invited to many parties, do you?" Then I realized he had completely and totally misunderstood the difference between someone being an annoying pain in the butt and simply not taking themselves seriously. I mean honestly, if you went to a party, and a guy was wearing a red pig tail wig and kicking the furniture while screaming about how he wants a fresh, hot, burger, would you really like them more? Would you think to yourself, "This guy obviously doesn't take himself seriously, and I like him more because of that." No. You'd be thinking "This guy needs serious psychological help, and he's frightening me, so I am going to hastily leave this party." I may not be the world's best party planner, but I think Martha Stewart would agree that the best parties do not include psychopaths, axe murderers, and rabid angry cross dressers. Every time I saw one of the commercials, it NEVER occurred to me to go to Wendy's. In fact it encouraged me to stay away, lest I find myself in line in front of raving maniacs with an uncontrollable urge to kick things. Apparently I am not the only one, given Wendy's sales figured of late. Goodbye crazy pig tailed freaks! Back to the asylum for you! So now that the airwaves have been cleaning up a bit, lets turn out attention to the next advertising abomination: The King. Oh yes, you've seen him. The big plastic headed freak. So far we've seen him sneak into someones house and crawl into bed with them while they're asleep. When the homeowner wakes up startled, the King tries to bribe them with a breakfast sandwich. All the while he continues to smile that smarmy, evil, perverted smile. I'm not a lawyer but I am pretty sure there's a felony and maybe an assault charge in there somewhere. So what does the king do next? Oh he goes peeping tom, looking in people's windows. When he gets caught, he again tries to buy his way out of trouble with a food bribe. The latest round of King commercials have to do with BK tormenting their customers by telling them there's no more Whopper, or giving them food from other places. When the customer gets angry, out jumps to King to try and smooth everything over. Still smiling in the demonic fashion. Am I the only one who thinks the King's practically jokes and criminal activities would best belong on America's Most Wanted or at least Celebrity Rehab? You may find the King and his antics harmless, but all of his shenanigans are but a mere distraction. While you're looking one way, do you know what the King has been up to?That's right, the King has been secretly moving his poison into the vending machines of America while America was distracted by crazy pig tailed red heads and deviant monarch behavior.How do they taste, you ask? Surprisingly they taste like the real thing! They taste just I went to Burger King, bought a small fry, pour ketchup on it, then stuck it in a bag, put it in a warehouse for 3 weeks, then into a vending machine for 2 more weeks and then opened the bag and ate them. Doesn't that sound yummy?I ate 2, and haven't touched them since.Maybe I wasn't paying attention during my US History classes, but I watched School House Rock. I know this country was founded on the idea that we didn't want anymore kings: Lyrics HereHere we have a King sneaking around, breaking into our houses, and trying to buy off witnesses to his crimes with food. What's worse is that his flagship food is called "The Whopper." When someone one is telling a big fat lie, it's often called "A Whopper." I think "The King" is trying to pass off "a big whopper" on this country and we keep buying his burgers and month old french fries from a vending machine. It's just a matter of time before the people rise up, overthrow the king, and chop his big goofy plastic head of with a guillotine. And there will be much rejoicing!No More Kings!! (And don't think we've forgotten about you, Mr. Clown!)