Sunday, December 23, 2007
Yeah, can you add "You Suck" to my file?
| Those who know me know that I tend to get crabby when I get hungry. Combine that with a 7 hour drive and even the #1 combo I had at Krystal in Augusta just prior to Burgatory Re-entry isn't enough to make me into the cuddly teddy bear you all know and love. First a bit of background. When I was little and there was such a thing as "telemarketers", my brother and I would gladly tell the sales callers when my father would be home. We enjoyed the show as he verbally destroyed them on the phone. My father likes to go to used car lots to "mess with the salesmen." I firmly believe my father could convince a telemarketer to punch himself in the face on my father's behalf. I believe this skill is genetic as I also have had opportunity to use my telephone as a weapon. I used to play the game "how long can you keep the telemarketer on the phone without buying anything?" I also once made a telephone survey taker cry. She was new to the job and apparently wasn't prepared for "my tone" as her supervisor put it. In a nut shell, I think the "Do Not Call List" protects telemarketers from me, more than it protects me from them. Let's rewind, shall we? Many years ago my long distance provider was rather crummy and expensive. I could tolerate either one or the other but not both, so I went searching for a new provider. I found a company called IDT which was the first to offer 5 cents per minute long distance to anywhere. I signed up and for well over 5 years I never had a problem. I make calls, they charge me, and everything is fine. Until July. As you may recall, July was the month I moved to Wilmington, NC from Macon after 15 or so years. I spent a great deal of time getting all my utilities arranged to be turned on in Wilmington and turned off in Macon. There was a slight glitch when my new apartment complex decided to switch my apartment number 2 weeks prior to the move, and another slight problem when the phone company decided to tell me two different phone numbers. The big problem came in when I tried to switch my IDT long distance from Macon to Wilmington. OK, I admit calling on a Sunday may not have been a wise move. This was confirmed when the "customer service" rep told you their name was "Todd" but their accent strongly suggests that "Todd" is only one syllable of the 16 in their name (Bodocktodalopusbyockbyockdowhikshiroopkinasloplop). During the 20+ minute phone call it became clear to me that I was the first person in the history of the company to ever move. Or at least move from one state to another. Or perhaps the problem was that I wasn't taking my Macon area phone number with me to North Carolina. Either way the verdict was that "Todd" couldn't help me and I would have to speak with the sales office. "Todd" was "extremely sad" to tell me the sales office wouldn't be open until Monday. During the phone conversation I had enough time on hold to fill out 2 or 3 customer satisfaction surveys online. Needless to say there wasn't much satisfaction in my survey. Over the next week I received 3 different emails from 2 different people who didn't appear to type with a foreign accent, but then it may have been a form letter. Anyway there were various apologies, and appreciations for all of my helpful suggestions, and each email graciously gave me 1 month of free service once I got to Wilmington. Never once did they say that I was going to have service in Wilmington, but that's what fine print is for, I suppose. Fast forward to my arrival in Wilmington and as soon as I move in I have phone service and long distance. I am shocked, but quite pleased. Sadly, I judged much too soon. Over the next few months I noticed I never got a bill from IDT. July, August, September, October, November. I made long distance calls in each month yet no bill. I figured I'd let them straighten it out whenever they got around to it. I was not in any hurry to help them clear up the mess "Todd" made. December 8th, roughly 2 1/2 weeks ago, I pick up the phone to make a long distance call, and after dialing I am told "This call is not authorized." I am given an 800 number to call. I call it and it is busy. It is busy for the next 45 minutes. I return to IDT's website only to find there is no way to contact anyone for help. The "Customer Service" phone number listed on the site is disconnected. The link that says I can email them does not connect to an email address. The customer satisfaction survey link works so I fill out 3 or 4 of those. I use cuss words. Lots of cuss words. Finally, at about 9pm I find a phone number that someone actually answers. And yes they had a heavy accent. And no they weren't helpful. I was told 3 or 4 different reasons my long distance never got transferred over, none of which were IDT's fault. It was my fault, or Bell South's fault, or the Taliban's fault, or due to Global Warming. But the only solution was to call Sales on Monday morning. Monday morning, while I am trying to give my students final exams, I call the sales department. I get roughly the same run around, finger pointing, blame game. I finally convince them that I do, in fact, want to make long distance calls. So they start to process my "order." They then tell me they need to forward me to a "Third Party Verifier." I am not sure what they want to verify, but I agree. After 15 minutes of dead silence on the phone, I hang up and go on about my day. When I get home I have a voice mail from IDT wanting me to call them back to "complete my order." When I call back, you guessed it, apparently "Todd" has a brother at IDT. Finally on the 12th as I am packing to go out of town, I finally get past "placing my order" and the "third party verification" and am told my long distance will be active in 2 or 3 business days. How's that for quick service? From my initial call in mid July to December 14th. That's a mere 5 months to get long distance! Ain't technology grand? Finally, today, I return from my 11 day road trip and have 3 people to call to tell them I got home safe. The first being my parents. Imagine my surprise when I am told that call is not authorized. I happen to have the "customer service number" handy so I call and, you guessed it. It's Sunday so "Mike" answers my call. I'll bet you 12 months of long distance service that his name isn't really "Mike." Mike proceeds to tell me EXACTLY the same things I was told back on December 8th. I can even hear him flipping the pages of his "phone script." Once he is finally done with his standard script he asks the question I knew would be coming and I had been waiting for:"Can I help you with anything else today, Mr. Jason?" Part of me wishes I had a recording of the next 5 minutes of the phone call, but I think FCC rules may come into play. It really boiled down to this: "I am trying to give you my money for long distance service and you seem incapable of providing me with long distance service. I find that hard to believe since you are a LONG DISTANCE SERVICE PROVIDER. There are literally hundreds of other companies who want to provide me with better, cheaper service, but because I have been a loyal customer for 5 years I chose to stay with IDT. Apparently 5 years of loyalty goes down the tubes when a customer moves. Open up your customer file on me that I know you have and please enter the following comment from me: You suck. Your company sucks. Your customer service sucks. I will be calling your sucky sales department one last time tomorrow morning and if they cannot resolve this problem immediately, you're done. You'll never hear from me again. You'll never see a dime of my money ever again, and I will tell everyone I know how bad you suck." For a more realistic version of the phone call, insert various 3, 4 and 5 letter cuss words throughout the phone script. So tomorrow morning I'll be up bright and early. I am planning a breakfast of razor blades and roofing nails. I'm going to drop something heavy on my little toe and then call IDT sales department. No, I am not worried about Santa seeing me rip the throat out of a telephone sales rep. They don't have Christmas where "Todd" is from.  |
Labels: Macon, Wilmington
