The Adventures of Krystal Kid: Be vewy vewy quiet, Im hunting Kwystals

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Be vewy vewy quiet, Im hunting Kwystals

With the discovery that not only were there no Frozen Krystals at my local Winn Dixie, but also that there was no local Winn Dixie, yesterday was looking to be a very down day. Determined not to allow that to happen, I stopped by the local Home Depot and picked up some MacGyver tool and returned home to get cable Tv in the back bedroom. Again, duct tape, dental floss, scotch tape, and a Chik'n Stik'n stick saved the day. I am now completely wired.
With that success in mind as I drifted to sleep I realized that if I put my sizable brain to it, I just might be able to lick this lack of Winn Dixie thing.
This morning, I woke up bright and early and determined. I would go grocery shopping Kommando style. Using Google Maps I marked off a 2x2 mile box surround my new apartment. I designated this area the "Krystal Killbox." I located 10 grocery stores within that box and began to map out my strategy. A quick shower, a gulp of Tropicana Pure Premium Orange Juice (nothing added, nothing taken away) I was ready for the road.
The main grocery stores in these parts are Food Lion (also known as "Food Dog" by my brother and his family. If you see the logo you understand.), Harris-Teeter, and Lowes Foods(not the hardware place).

Lets Begin:
First stop, Safeway Food Mart less than 0.2 miles from home. "Safeway" has been a grocery chain for decades. Sadly, this store appears to care little for the root word of their name. Note to self: do not stop here after 7pm.
Down Independence Blvd to the first of two Harris-Teeter grocery stores. This one was on Oleander Dr. No Krystals, but a nice selection of ground beef. Then down Oleander to the first of two Lowes Foods stores. Again no Krystal.
With 2 of the big 3 grocery stores down, it was not looking so good.
Next up was Los Portales up on Kerr Ave. Since I am but a lowly gringo, I made the executive decision to pass it up. Since they don't make Krystals in Mexico, I suspect there would be no Krystals at Los Portales.
A quick right turn down Fountain Rd and over to College Rd. I hit the second Harris-Teeter. Same result, no Krystals.
Back to Kerr Ave and north to Saigon Market Oriental Grocery and Gifts. While I knew darn well they wouldn't have Krystals there for roughly the same reason as Los Portales, I do have a weakness for Oriental food and enjoy seeing all the strange stuff they have in stock. While I did not make any purchases I did see a few items I will be back for at some point. I was, however, in the middle of a mission, so I couldn't delay very long.
North another block to Food Lion left me with no Krystals.
I swung left onto Market St, and then a quick right onto Princess Place Dr. Suddenly I was presented with the problem that most of Princess Place is a one way street and I needed to go the other way. So it was back to Market St, and down a few block to cut across to princess and to A&J's Foodmart. Since I was wearing a blue shirt today, and that could have been taken as a display of gang membership, I decided to pass on A&J's.
Back to Market, right across the north end of town to 17th St and south back down to Oleander for the second Food Lion. Sadly, they gave the same results as the last one. Food Dog has let me down. Bad Dog!
My last stop was Russell's Quik Stop. Given the very Krystal-Like spelling of their name, I held out a sliver of hope, but that was dashed when I saw it was a simple corner gas station.
Yes, folks, one hour and 10 stores left me with no Krystals and little hope. I believe it is close to time to accept my fate. I am hopelessly stuck in Burgatory. No fresh or frozen Krystals to be had.
At some point I may get the nerve to ask a manager at one store to order me some. However, I am still not 100% certain they still make frozen Krystals. If they do, the chances are very slim that a store will order some simply for me, since all of "the big three" stock Albino Fortress burgers.Dark days in Wilmington, my friends. Dark days.In an attempt to pry a silver lining out of my mission I did discover quite a few things. I could probably talk for hours on the differences between Wilmington (apparently locally abbreviated as "Wilm") and Macon (known globally as "Mac-Town"). Let me point out just a few:
In Macon when you turn down the soda aisle of any grocery store, the Coke products take up twice the as much room as the Pepsi products. After all, Coke was created in Atlanta, roughly 75 miles north. In Wilmington, roughly 90 miles from New Bern, where Pepsi was created, the Pepsi section is twice the size as the Coke section. As an interesting twist, this also opens the market for other sodas not found in Georgia.
We already know about Cheerwine. (Let's pause for a moment so Chris' son Josh can yell "Cheer Wine!") There is also Sun Drop. Think Mountain Dew. And Squirt. Think Fresca that doesn't taste horrible. (Both are grapefruit sodas, but no one ever seems to figure out that's the strange citrus flavor of Fresca.) Also, there is no official Squirt web page, and you probably should not try and web search for one when there are children in the room.
Another difference I have found is in the meat selections. (Let's pause for Josh to yell "Go Meat!") I cook a lot of chicken, in particular boneless skinless chicken breasts. Since Macon is so closed to several chicken processing facilities, I got spoiled with prices in the $3-$4 per pound range for boneless skinless chicken breasts. They almost had to pick me up off the floor when I was seeing $4.99-$5.99 per pound, and one store even had them at $7 per pound.
Of course it only take a moment to figure out why. Much like the Coke/Pepsi distribution, in Macon there's a lot of chicken and a little pork. Since North Carolina is the Pork-opolis of the Universe, the chicken gets squeezed out to make room for the Pork. Since I love pork, I can't complain. Until you see what kinds of pork they put up. I frankly had no idea there were that many ways to make sausage. I also had no idea that it was so important that your Fatback come with "Skin Attached" or that your Pork Rinds come with "Meat Attached."

Heck I didn't know there were so many ways to call deep fried pork skins. Then again, many months back, during my Pork-a-palooza rant, Colby send me this link on how to make "Cracklin". That link will likely make many people swear off pork products, but it simply makes my mouth water.
In fact I am now going to rip into my new pack of Fat Back and enjoy some Carolina cookin, with my cold bottle of Sun Drop! And plot my next move. Because tomorrow is Thursday! Krystal Lovers get more in the sack!.