The Adventures of Krystal Kid: Did you just see that?

Friday, February 16, 2007

Did you just see that?

As I have been saying, there were many Krystal Koincidences on my recent tip to Chattanooga. Some will require a bit of back story.
About 3 weeks ago, I happened to be at my local Kroger minding my own business when I happen to run into Brian, one of my pledge brothers. For those who don't understand the whole fraternity thing, Brothers are members of the same fraternity, but Pledge brothers go thru the pledge period together and join at the same time, so they tend to be a bit closer with each other than with the rest of their brothers. Now with that said, I sadly have to fess up that I hadn't seen or spoke to brian in over a year despite the fact we live about 2 miles apart. OUr lives are going in different directions I suppose.
Anyway, we took 5 or 10 minutes to catch up and inevitably the whole Krystal thing came up. Brian then related to me his adventures to try and get my Krystal Kups to give as Christmas presents. he had much the same trouble I did in locating them in large (and affordable) quantities. I asked if he had gotten any boxes (which came out before the cups) and he said sadly he hadn't. I told him I could hook him up with a few, if neccessary. We haven't yet worked out those arrangements.
Well, last Friday, as I was packing to leave for Chattanooga, Brian called. Ironically he was going out of town and would be driving near one of our other pledge brothers, Alex. Alex was/is known as Boss Hogg due to his amazing white Cadillac El Dorado he drove when we were in school. Since Brian would be near Greenville, SC he felt he'd give Alex a shout. Brian, however, didn't have his number. (I guess I'm sort of blowing holes in what I said earlier about pledge brothers being close, eh?)
Well, I happen to have a fairly recent copy at the ATO national alumni directory, so I looked Alex up. Just to confirm, I also checked online and both addresses and phone numbers matched. I also have a current Mercer University alumni directory on CD, but I didn't need to dig that up. With Brian leaving very soon and my pulling out of town also, there wasn't enough time to get him Krystal boxes to take to Boss. Perhaps later.
Now Brian might be famous for many things, including costing me a fortune in Western Loganberry flavored Clearly Canadian bottle water back in college. (Yes *that* loganberry again!) But what almost everyone at Mercer probably remembers is that darn van, aka "Sweet Pickle." You see Brian had a green VW Van. And for various reasons it sat in the best parking place right outside the front door of the dorm for almost an entire year and never moved. It also didn't have a bumper. Needless to say Mercer and the Mercer Police considered it an eyesore and tried to find an excuse to tow it. As you might expect, they lost, sweet pickle won. So my thoughts were on Sweet Pickle and Boss Hogg as I pulled into Chattanooga. IMagine my surprise as I turned onto Brainerd Rd. right behind this:

While it wasn't the real Sweet Pickle, it certainly made me smile. I am unsure if Sweet Pickle is still around or not. It always appeared to be on it's last legs, yet somehow kept chugging along, so anything is possible. I think the real reason they called VW's "Bugs" is cause you just never could seem to kill them. I had a girlfriend once who drove one with no 1st gear or reverse gear. Parking was always an exercise in creativity.

Alrighty, so my last day in Chattanooga, I check out of my hotel and make one more trip to the new Krystal on Brainerd Rd. I don't get too far down the road before I notice a rather odd traffic pattern. There's a line of cars a half mile long on my side of the road and no traffic come towards me. To me this can only mean one thing: big accident ahead. Since I don't know my way around Chattanooga that well, I am forced to stay on Brainerd and wait it out. Slowly, we make our way forward. Locals, who obviously know the back roads, are peeling off on both sides while frustrated drivers are doing U turns ahead of me and going back the other way.
I keep thinking that Krystal is down the road in front of me with a few unconquered menu items. I can't turn back. Quitting is not an option. Failure is for the weak. but COME ON!!

As I approach the Krystal, I begin to get more and more excited. But since this traffic jam has gone on for almost 4 miles, I can't imagine the traffic accident ahead. Then, in the distance, I see the problem.

For the past 4 miles, I have been following a 3 bedroom HOUSE down Brainerd Rd.
While Brainerd is 2 lanes in each direction, there's a tight bridge that squeezes all of the lanes so tight you can reach out your window and turn down the radio in the car beside you. I can only imagine this house blocked the entire road. What's worse is every set of stoplights the house went under, it didn't quite make it under. Several shingles were left in the street and most of the stoplights were twisted at odd angles and every single one of them scraped across the roof of this house.
So let no one ever say I wouldn't go out of my way for a Krystal. While I may not be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, I can follow a slow moving house for 4 miles. Where's the Koincidence, you ask? Well the house turned left right before the Krystal In the picture above you'll see a CVS pharmacy on the right. Krystal is just on the other side of the CVS. Somehow this house had been teasing and taunting me all the way down Brainerd. Stupid house!

OK, so when I said I pulled out of my hotel and followed the house all the way down Brainerd, that wasn't exactly true. I did make one quick stop, since I apparently had the time. I stopped to take this picture:

This is Central Park Hamburgers. I love Central Park. Most people I went to school with in Macon know Central Park more affectionately as "The Burger Tower." Except, perhaps, for Boss Hogg, since no one was allowed to eat in the Caddy. We called it the Burger Tower because all the ones in Macon were 2 stories tall.

Central Park was the original double drive through. I loved to go get their double cheese burgers. Most of the time, you were also treated to "bonus fries." When they put your fries in the bag they usually just dumped an extra pile in with your hamburgers, too. It was almost like you got a free upside on your fries. You just had to dig them out of the bottom of the bag. And be sure the bag wasn't sitting on any important papers or the grease would get em.
Sadly, when Checkers moved in to Macon they ran Central Park out of town. It made me very sad. That seemed to be the case all over though, as Central Park basically disappeared from the face of the Earth. But last year when I was up in Chattanooga, I saw one and almost wrecked when I did. I have since discovered that they're making a comeback. Now, contrary to what the Central Park website says in their "about" section, there are not three Burger Towers in Macon. There are exactly 0. There used to be three in Macon. It has been at least 5 years ago since the last one closed. In that time they have ALL been occupied at least once by another restaurant, and all have failed. I contemplated taking pictures of all three (Shurling Drive, Pio Nono at Rocky Creek, and the one above, across from the mall) but then I realized, no one really cares THAT much.
Now the big Koincidence here is this: Central Park also started in Chattanooga, home of my beloved Krystal. It seems to me the folks in Chattanooga know something about making a good burger. But for sure the next time I get back to Chattanooga, I'll have to hit a Burger Tower at least once. Maybe I'll get lucky with some bonus fries. Krystal Lovers get more in the sack!.