Sunday, November 05, 2006
Half the fun was *not* getting there!
| So I guess by now you've heard that Kobayashi destroyed the world record (that he set 2 years ago) of 69 Krystals in 8 minutes. Last weekend at the Square Off Finals in Chattanooga, he and 2 others broke that record, with Kobayashi setting the new record of 97 Krystals in 8 minutes. Yes, 97, as in just under 100. You may recall prior to the Square Off that I posted about bodog.com taking various bets. One of those was "Will someone eat more than 70 Krystals?" If I was a betting man (and I'm not) I would have put every cent I own on that one. Kobayashi hit 69 two years ago, but fell short of that last year. However, he'd gotten "comfortable" with easily winning every contest he entered. He eased up last year. And it was only at the last minute (literally) that Joey "Jaws" Chestnut pushed Kobayashi to win. Since the 2 minute record had been broken twice already this year (Joey and Humble Bob Shoudt) as well as the American record tied by Sonya Thomas, you knew this would be a record breaking year. And oh boy was it ever. But I am getting way ahead of myself. It wasn't until the Thursday prior to the Square Off that my plans finally solidified enough that I knew I would be able to make it. We'd been teaching a 2 week course at work, 8 hours day. The last 3 days were the student's final presentations. Not exactly the kind of thing the teacher can bail out early on. I knew that I would be getting a late start out of Macon, but could probably make it in time for some of the Friday night events. Then I discovered there were races at Atlanta Motor Speedway that weekend. Whenever there's a race at AMS, I-75 is bumper to bumper for 30 miles north and south of Hampton, GA. In other words, I'd hit race traffic about 20 minutes north of Macon and be in it til just south of Atlanta. Thankfully (and amazingly), GA DOT finally figure out how traffic works and reworked GA Hwy 20 and turned it into the main route to the speedway. With singage going 100 miles north and south of Hampton, everyone knew what they were supposed to do: get in the right hand lane and get off at the GA 20 exit. It almost worked. Almost. Race traffic slowed me down by about 30 minutes, but I still have hopes of making it. Sadly, the race traffic was enough to slow me down until I hit Atlanta, during rush hour. Now technically, Atlanta's "rush hour" lasts for about 5 hours in the morning, and 4 or 5 hours in the evening. On Fridays, I think it starts at 6am and runs until 8pm. Regardless, it's the worst traffic you'll ever see. Luckily I never saw it. You see, as I was gathering my stuff to leave work, I got one last email from Linda, who I would be staying with in Chattanooga. She warned me the weather was bad, and getting worse. Sure enough, once I finally hit the outskirts of Atlanta it hit, and it hit hard. Traffic slowed to 30mph in places, and people were pulling off the road to wait it out. I could tolerate the rain in most situations, but not in Atlanta. In case you've never driven in Atlanta, let me just go ahead and tell you: Atlanta has the worst traffic in Earth. If you want to enjoy the feeling of Atlanta traffic at home here's what you'll need: 1 55-gallon metal drum 3 wombats, preferably rabid 1 5 pound hammer 1 friend First place all of the wombats into the drum. Then climb in with them. Have your friend seal up the drum. Then have you friend whack the outside of the drum with the hammer, every three minutes, for an hour and a half. Every 15 mnutes, your friend needs to tip the drum on its side and roll it 20 feet into the nearest wall, before turning it upright (on the opposite end from how it was last time). Enjoy! Part of it has to do with the way the roads are laid out and traffic patters work, but mostly it has to do with the drivers. There's a game I play when I am on the road. I learned this game on my morning commute over the past 5 years. I call the game "Idiots and Buttholes" (Now I usually use a different word from buttholes, but it has a similar meaning.) Here's how you play: Whenever you see someone do something that is "bad" you have to make a judgement call. Basically you are deciding if there was intent or not. You are deciding if the driver is simply an idiot, or if they are, in fact, a butthole. Keep a runing count of the idiots and the buttholes until you arrive at your destination. But be sure you don't qualify as an idiot or butthole, as that is an automatic disqualification. Now I am sure you're about to ask me how you win in a game of idiots and buttholes. Well, here's the thing. No one ever wins. We all lose since the highways are overflowing with idiots and buttholes. Perhaps a couple of examples from my trip through Atlanta will help you get started: Butthole: the guy who decided that the emrgency lane was a 4 mile extension of his on ramp, driving merrily along past the rest of us stopped in traffic, before he finally merged when he had run out of room at a bridge. Idiot: the guy who merges right across 2 lanes of bumper to bumper traffic only to realize BOTH lanes he crossed are exit only and he doesn't want to exit. So he's forced to merge left 2 lanes in a distance of about a half a mile. I remember back in the day when I would happily drive across Atlanta to go visit my friend Nancy perhaps a couple of times a week. Back then I figured it was worth the trouble. Heck, it's Nancy. The only thing that prevents me from driving to see nancy now is the Atlanta Ocean. She lives in London. But after this past weekend's drive through Atlanta, I am checking my owners manual to see if my truck can handle deep water. It's GOT to be better than Atlanta! So anyway, once I get just north of Atlanta, the sun breaks through the clouds! Joy! Excitement! Happiness! Thunder! Thunder? Oh no! That's right, mother nature pulled back the dark clouds just long enough to give us all hope before once again crushing it into a small greasy spot. So when it was all said and done, my 3 hour trip to Chattanooga took about 4 or 4 1/2 hours. When it did finally arrive it was too late and too dark to do anything. Not to mention I was not in a very entertaining mood, so for everyone's sake I felt it best to just call it a night. Oh, and it was Buttholes 40, Idiots 38. I lost.  |
Labels: Macon
Comments:
<< Home
You deserve some time off!
Atlanta traffic is bad! Very bad. Almost as bad as NYC, but it is DAMN CLOSE! I was up there in atlanta this last tuesday and that was a nightmare! I have been through Atlanta on Saturdays and Sundays and the traffic is the same as a weekday! Lordy, lordy.
The only difference between Atl traffic and NYC traffic is that they are all "BUTTHOLES" and there are no "idiots"! Up there, all drivers of automobiles are BUTTHOLES, there is not a soul who doesn't know where they want to go. Which makes them all "buttholes." So, I bring into question your reasoning for what qualifies a butthole from an idiot. I have a hard time believing there is a difference, even in Atlanta. You still curse the idiot...don't you?! So doesn't that make the "idiot" a "butthole"? :)
Damn you (not really) for getting a pic with her. I am glad you made it! You got the pic!
Post a Comment
Atlanta traffic is bad! Very bad. Almost as bad as NYC, but it is DAMN CLOSE! I was up there in atlanta this last tuesday and that was a nightmare! I have been through Atlanta on Saturdays and Sundays and the traffic is the same as a weekday! Lordy, lordy.
The only difference between Atl traffic and NYC traffic is that they are all "BUTTHOLES" and there are no "idiots"! Up there, all drivers of automobiles are BUTTHOLES, there is not a soul who doesn't know where they want to go. Which makes them all "buttholes." So, I bring into question your reasoning for what qualifies a butthole from an idiot. I have a hard time believing there is a difference, even in Atlanta. You still curse the idiot...don't you?! So doesn't that make the "idiot" a "butthole"? :)
Damn you (not really) for getting a pic with her. I am glad you made it! You got the pic!
# posted by 
: 8:15 PM
: 8:15 PM << Home
