Monday, October 09, 2006
1-2-3 Square Off!
| So I'm sitting at work last Thursday and the phone rings. I answer it, expecting a call from the shop about my truck. I was making arrangements to get it in the shop and get a rental while it was being worked on. I answer the phone and the reply is "Hey Jason!" Expecting Charles from the repair place, I juump right in with "Hey there! Good morning!" This is then followed by "This is Ed Grisamore from the Macon Telegraph." Ok, so this is not at all what I was expecting. You might recall Ed did an interview of me for the paper a few months back. (The link to the article is to the left). I sort of figured since the Square Off was in town maybe he was calling about that. I was only partly right. It seems that Krystal had contacted members of the media about having a special VIP Square Off and Ed was one who had been contacted. Ed was nervous and excited but admittedly knew nothing about eating lots of Krystals quickly. So what does a supreme newshound do in a situation like that? Well you go to your news sources. In this case it happened to be a Mercer Law School student, who'd done an eating contest before, that Ed interviewed a few years ago, and me. Apparently Ed was having trouble locating the other guy but knew exactly where I was. So after he reviewed his situation he asked me if I had any tips. Suddenly I felt like "Mickey" the Burgess Meredith from the Rockey movies (Rocky I, II, and III, but not Rocky IV. And don't get me started on Rocky V). I couldn't find my knit cap or a hearing aid to wear, so I had to wing it. I just had to hope that at no point would Ed say "Cut me, Mick... I can't see." Admitedly most of my tips for training that I'd gathered online are not the kind you can start the day of the contest. Stuff like chewing entire packs of gum to strengthen your jaw muscles, and I have heard that Kobiyashi eats huge piles of cabbage to help "stretch" his stomach out prior to a contest. Since none of these tips are good last minute tips, I really only had a couple of good useful ones: water is the ultimate weapon. You should dunk your burgers in the water and squeeze out the air. This makes them smaller and also helps them slide down your throat better. Also, a few occasional sips of water will be good. Most folks don't think you should drink while you are eating. That's a good way to choke! Ed didn't seem at all please with the idea of dunking your Krystals in water. He asked if it ruined the taste. From what I've been told after yours 4th or 5th Krystal you don't taste them anyway. I then directed him to several of the video clips on the square off site: Sarah "The Black Window" Thomas eating 62 in 8 minutes, and "Humble" Bob Shoudt eating 28 in 2 minutes. Ed thanked me for my advice and I told him I'd probably see him there.  Brad told me they were going to be having a VIP square off at 7pm and they'd already had 1 person back out. He asked if I wanted to sub in for the missing media person. At this point I hadn't 100% decided I would eat, since I am just not that kind of Krystal Lover. But in moments of turmoil most mind find confusion, but a few find clarity. It dawned on me that since it's Thursday I was going to eat Krystals as some point. And if not here and now, then at a drive thru later. I knew I'd be kicking myself at the drive through at having to pay for Krystals I could have gotten free earlier. Not to mention the fact that my lunch was a candy bar and I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I could have probably eaten several of the livestock on show at the fair by that point. He then pointed out the board and added me to it. I thend explained that I'd been "coaching" Ed Grisamore, at it would certainly seem strange to now compete against him.   I know Ed Grisamore is a professional and wouldn't publicly call Ben Jones a chicken. I, however, and far from professional. Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! I actually saw Ben at the fair less than 200 yards from the Krystal tent less than 15 minutes prior to the contest. Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! So I hadn't yet decided on a strategy for eating my Krystals. Brad gave a big thumbs down to the knife and fork method. I sort of agree. While it would have been good for a laugh, it would have been rather insulting. I decided I'd do it "the regular way." Once Ed arrived and realized I would also be eating, he seemed a bit more intimidated. He said that earlier in the day he'd been excited but after my phone call the the video clips he'd seen online he was now a bit afraid. he just didn't want to embarrass himself. The lead up to each round is roughly the same. They introduce the contestants, ask them how many they think they'll be able to each, we all put on our shirts and get our game faces on. As they bring the Krystals, warm and steamy, from the back, you can smell them, and they smell good.  When you get to one or two krystals left in front of you, they come along and "reload" with 2 more Krystals, trying to stay ahead. Once I got #3 down they came by and I waved them off after they placed #5. I knew I could have gone for 6, but honestly, I feared the post-contest experience. Besides, I hadn't had any french fries of a Coke with my dinner, yet! I coasted into the last few seconds, satsfied with my 4-spot. I knew I wouldn't win, and I didn't mind. I just never knew how close I would have been. Once the contest was over, everyone shook hands, pictures were taken, and I went off in search of fries and a Coke. Sadly, the Square Off trainer isn't equipped for fries. Dang it! All in all I had a blast. It was great being surrounded by people who love Krystals as much as I do (and some who love them faster than I do). I guess that's why I went back Friday and Sunday, too. But those recaps will come later this week. Right now I need to get my bootay on the highway, so i can get to Brunswick for a show!  |
