Monday, August 07, 2006
Square Off in Perry
| Over on the Krystal.com Forum I decided to break in the "Road Trip" section with helpful information about the Square Off in Perry including dates, times, and costs, plus the few admissions discounts available. Since the Square Off Qualifier is being held at the GA National Fair in Perry, thats only like 10 miles from where I work. What kind of Krystal Lover would I be if I skipped out on that? So I figured I could make it for Thursday, Friday, and Sunday's events. Saturday is the Big Pig Jig down in Vienna, GA. I have a fraternity brother that cooks in that each year so I need to make an appearance. Well Tiffany, AKA RosyChik, tossed out the question of if I would be a competitor. Tiffany had just returned from Atlanta where they were filming the new Krystal.com web hostesses. (Yes, plural) Apparently the time in "Hotlanta" has caused poor Tiffany to lose her ever-lovin mind! I must admit I am unsure if the query was serious or mearly taunting. So let me just set the record straight on this. I have thought over entering in the contest. Lets review the arguments for and against. I have seen what those professional eaters can do and I am no where close. Frankly, what they do is inhuman and scary on some level. I eat 4 and I am happy. I eat 6 and I am stuffed. I eat 8 and I am miserable. I eat 10 and I am in the emergency room. Thankfully I'd never make it past 4 since there's a 2 minute time limit. There was a TV show called Pros vs Joes on Spike TV. The premise was to put has been, over the hill, unemployed, and played out former Sports Stars up against trash talkers who thought they could do better. The show was stupid and poorly executed. The "commentator," Petros Papadakis, was utterly annoying. Why did I keep watching? Well obviously, I am an idiot. But my point is this: a lot of those former jocks had to be insulted and infuriated by the If, however, they would set up the "kiddie table" over to the side like at Thanksgiving, I might be tempted. As one of my coworkers remarked,"Jason, it's free Krystals. Hello?" Another coworker simply remarked "And you call yourself a Krystal lover?" Somehow that started to feel like peer pressure. I can hear my mother already,"If everyone jumped off a cliff would you jump too?" On the flip side. Apparently I am a media whore. I have my own blog all about me. I have my own Krystal box and Cup. I have 2 TV and 1 newspaper interview. Apparently I am starved for attention. So why not? Thursday is the first Krystal rounds. I already planned to eat krystals on Thursday. (big surprise there, eh?) So why not? Well of course since I have zero chance of winning or even coming close, I would have to approach it in my own unique fashion. In other words, go for the cheap laugh. I already have mapped out the T-shirt I would wear, thanks in part to a suggestion from my good buddy and Krystal ko-pilot, Brian. I am also thinking of something along the lines of the Seinfeld-esque eating the Krystal with a knife and fork. Or complete disassembly of the Krystal prior to eating it. Or perhaps eating it without using my hands. You'll notice nowhere did I imply I would eat more than 1 Krystal. I think for me it would be harder to eat only 1 Krystal than it is for others to eat 20. So if the Krystal folks STILL want me to participate, here's my plan of attack: sit down (kiddie sized table prefered), tuck napkin (linen preferred) into collar, say grace, toast to the people stuffing furiously at the big boy table, sip my Cold Coke, using my knife and fork, carefully cut up and eat my tasty Krystal with intermitten sips of my icy cold Coke. Hopefully I can time it to finish my Krystal, wipe my mouth with my napkin, place my silverwear and napkin in the proper postion, and wrap up in exactly 2 minutes. Maybe this would work? Or I might accidently get eaten by one of the other hungry competitors. As I have said all along:
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