The Adventures of Krystal Kid: One of these things is not like the other

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

One of these things is not like the other

One of these things is not like the others. Can you tell which one?

Big foot with a sack full of Krystals.
The Loch ness Monster with a sack full of Krystals
My Krystal Box

Thats right, it's the 3rd one. Apparently some folks are still having trouble locating my box. I felt it was time to provide some advice on how to get your grubby little paws on one. First things first, you need to know what you are looking for. I am on the Cheese Krystal box. To get those you need to order your Krystals with cheese. Do not add ketsup or bacon or any of the other fantastic toppings. For those you will get the 'Special' Box. See the link to my box collection to the left for examples. The proper way to order these is either 'Four cheese Krystals, medium fry, medium Coke' or simply 'Number 1 add cheese.'
I was fairly certain I was not on the regular Krystal Box but decided to follow up. I went to my local Krystal and asked if they'd seen me on a red box and the general opinion was that they hadn't. So then I offered a bounty of $1 per box. Everyone behind the counter ran to the back and started digging through boxes, eventually returning to tell me they were unable to locate me. Then I offered a $5 bounty for the first person to get me one, at which point one of them told me they'd cut my picture off a cheese box and glue it on a regular box and they'd be right back. I appreciate the creativity but that's cheating.
I then decided to go to the officials, and asked Kenny about it. Oddly enough I got roughly the same reply: 'Unfortunately you won't be able to find any regular Krystal boxes with your face one them, just the Cheese boxes. Of course if your bounty is high enough I could print one for you.' Again, I admire the creativity, and the eagerness of the Krystal folks to serve the customer, but again that would be cheating.
So now that you know what to order, that still will not assure success. Not every box has my face on it. In fact not every box has a hall of famer on it. Only every other box is a KLHOF box, and with 20 different inductees out right now you can see it's tricky. I have also noticed they tend to come in 'clusters' so you will usually get 2 or 3 of the same person, not a good mixture.
Now don't get all down and sad little campers, I am here to help. First off, as I have shown, bribery can often get them to dig through boxes for you. The term bribery sounds unappealing though, so I suggest you use one of the following terms instead: bounty, tip, finders fee, or reward.
Now for those who enjoy the real challenge of social engineering, here is the alternative approach. It takes time, so be patient. First, you must get to know the people at your local Krystal, by name if possible. This isn't too hard since they wear name tags. In particular get to know the Manager because they can work magic for you, and also the person running the grill who is also the one who stuffs your burgers in the boxes, and has easy access to the box selection.
Once you are on good terms with the folks at Krystal (and that may take a few trips so be patient) you are ready to bring up the KLHOF. Use the signs hanging overhead as a 'leader' and bring up that you happen to know someone in the HOF. Chances are they either won't believe you or will find it funny and be very curious. Once your have their interest it is time to put your plan into action. Casually ask them if they have one of my boxes around. Refer to it either as 'Jason's Box' or 'Number 22' that shows a level of familiarity, assuring them you are not crazy.
Once they have dug out one of my boxes, then offer to buy a Krystal to go into that one. And if they happen to find a few more, you'll buy those as well.
Using this plan, they feel good in that they have served their customers and gotten a good story as well. You feel good because you have some of my boxes and a tummy full of cheese Krystals.
Once you do land some of my boxes, be sure to let me know when and where so I can add you to my Where's Jason? page also linked on the left. So now armed with this information, go forth and gobble up some Krystals!
Later this week I will have one more alternative for getting one of my boxes. That's the one for people who live in Burgatory (the land without Krystals). I have not forgotten about you, my friends. Hang in there! Krystal Lovers like hot buns.