Saturday, January 19, 2008

 

Circle K or Circle Gay?

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K - Ted "Theodore" Logan
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Yes, Ted, strange things indeed. All this past week I have felt a thirst growing inside of me. A thirst that could only be cured by one thing. Fourty four ounces of pure refreshment from the Circle K Drink Fountain. This shouldn't be a problem I felt, since Circle K's are everywhere. Oh how strange, Ted, so very very strange.
Obviously my first stop was the Circle K website and then to the store locater. Type in my address and then
After I picked myself up off the floor I started to dig around and finally found the closest Circle K to me. Coincidentally up in Jacksonville, NC between me and my parents house. I had quite literally driven past it many times and never paid it any attention. I was so used to passing Circle K that it never dawned on me that it was now a big deal. I began making plans. I called my mother to let her know a very important mission had come up. They then informed me they'd be out of town. I apparently have been wrongly assuming the operative part of the word "retired" was "tired." I thought you were supposed to slow down, but now my parents travel more than I do. No problem, Circle K would still be open.
The directions I got showed Circle K was roughly 50 miles from me but only 20 miles from my parents. I decided it would be safest NOT to attempt the Thirstbuster challenge on the leg to my parent's house. Forty four ounces and 20 miles is risky. I opted to do the Thirstbuster challenge on the drive home. One ounce a minute is more reasonable than 2 ounces a minute.
Friday I had a meeting for work at 1pm that lasted 2 hours, so i didn't get out of Wilmington until 3. I decided to try a new route to Jacksonville this time by going up I-40 to Burgaw then heading east. This would drop me off right by the Circle K.
On the drive up I could feel that familiar feeling deep down inside. Thirst. Like being lost in the desert for years. The kind of thirst that would drive you to drink a Fresca. But then, in the distance, I saw it.
I pulled in. I parked illegally. I jumped from my truck and ran through the doors. It was beautiful.
I approached it slowly, and then I pounced like a tiger in the zoo would stalk a drunk obnoxious pothead. I looked over the selection of cups. I never remembered Styrofoam cups before, so this was an improvement. Improvement for me, not for the environment, I mean. But then, after a double and triple check, I realized something was missing.
The largest cup was a 32 ounce "Thirst Buster." (Or "Thirst Annoyer" as I would call it.) In a daze brought on by sudden shock and long term dehydration, I filled my 32 ounce cup. I went light on the ice, because ice is for sissies. Ice takes up valuable cup space. If there's ice left when you are done with your drink, you have "over-iced." You sissy!
I walked to the counter and as the girl rang up my wimpy beverage she asked if that was it. OUCH! Sadly, it was. I contemplated going back for a second cup, but realized that would mean Circle K wins. I asked the girl where the 44oz cups were and she said she didn't know. She'd only been there a month or so and had never seen any there. I was stunned. I staggered out to my truck. That 32 ounce drink didn't last me out of the parking lot. Curse you Circle K!
Once I arrived home, I quickly went back to the Circle K web page to figure out what could possibly have happened. One thing I noticed was that Circle K has recently been bought by a company named Couche-Tard. Call me crazy but who would EVER use the syllable "Tard" in their company name? I don't care that its really French and the company is French Canadian. If you do business in the US you don't use the word "Tard" anywhere in your name.
There was a place on the website to send in comments, questions, and complaints. I immediately submitted the following to the C-tards:
Where are the 44oz Thirstbusters?!? Yesterday I drove 100 miles round trip to my closest Circle K in Jacksonville, NC only to find the largest Thirstbuster they sell is a mere 32ounces.
That really wasn't worth the trip.
I went home sad, and a bit thirsty.
I have also found that apparently Seven Eleven has merged stores with Circle K out west. Apparently the Thirstbuster and 7-eleven's Big Gulp slept together and have had a baby. It's called the Extreme Gulp.
A full 52 ounce beverage in a sturdy "mug." It doesn't scare me, though. You see, I have a super power. I have a bladder the size of a walrus. You may think this is a rather useless super power, but if so you apparently have forgotten Strange Brew. Oh yes, I, too, could put out the fire at the Institute and defeat Brewmeister Smith if I had to. ("Geez, I've gotta take a leak so bad, I can taste it!")
Sadly, it appears there aren't any 7-elevens anywhere near me either, according to their store locator. Curse you, too, 7-eleven!
Krystal Lovers like hot buns.

Labels:


# posted by JasonJ1052 @ 11:48 AM
Comments:
OMG this has spread to Albuquerque, NM as well. I went in today and got the "we discontinued the 44 oz cups and are going all styrofoam" as if that's good news either way you look at it.

What's the world coming to?

*sigh* at least we still have sensible-11 here, as I now call them...like right now...just thought it up.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:19 PM
 
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:15 AM
 
Post a Comment



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?