Sunday, August 26, 2007

 

What's a luddite?

After many MANY years of grief heaped upon me, I have finally joined the 20th century. This past Friday, I officially bought my first cell phone. So once you pick yourself up off the floor, you can all now collectively get the heck off my back!
I have resisted "The Trend" for so many years because, quite frankly, I do not NEED a cell phone. But you know what, I'd wager 90% of the people in this country don't NEED a cell phone either.
I find cell phone users to be among the rudest people on Earth, so you can understand my hesitation to join those ranks.
Talking on your cell phone makes you a crappy driver. Anyone who believes otherwise is an idiot. Who would you rather have flying your airplane the next time you're flying overseas? A pilot paying attention to flying the airplane, or a pilot on his cell phone catching up on what his buddy saw at the club last night?
I think what really REALLY makes me detest cell phone and cell phone users is the people who feel they have the right to talk on their cell phone any time and any where. I have stood in line at a fast food place as the person at the register ahead of me was apparently taking a phone order from someone. The person physically in the place was reading the menu to the person on the other end of the phone who apparently couldn't make up their mind. I could tell the girl running the register wanted to kill the guy just as much as I did.
One evening as I was out at a bar the table beside me had 4 people sitting at it. They were all on their cell phones talking to other people. It would have been funny if they were on their phones to each other, but instead they all gathered together to talk to someone else. How utterly rude. If you're with me at a bar, dinner, or any other place, and you insist on carrying on a cell phone call with someone else, that's a flashing neon sign that you'd rather be with someone else rather than me. I am simply a place holder so you don't look like the nuts with the bluetooth earphones who walk around talking to themselves all day.
I am sure you have seen the professor go nuts on the student's cell phone when it goes off in class:
Classes have just started and I have already had 1 cell phone go off in my class. Since I just started my new job, I doubt I have the clout yet to do the cell phone slam dunk. I do, however, have the authority to boot you from my class.
If you are thinking of asking me for my cell phone number, think again. I have gotten my cell phone for emergencies. By that, I do not mean YOUR emergencies, I mean MY emergencies. I have seen what a lot of people consider a "cell phone emergency." The classic opening line of a cell phone call: "Where are you?" asked by someone in a store of someone in the same store. Why not just staple a tracking tag in your friend's ear so you follow their migration through the store?
Many years ago, in the pre-cell phone days, I had a friend who was excited that his company had given him a beeper. He felt this showed he was a valuable and important employee. It was only after I explained that the company now owned him 24/7 instead of 40 hours a week that he realized the problem. His company did not respect him, his time, or his privacy. The beeper goes off and he has to drop what he's doing and find a phone. Beepers are electronic leashes. Cell phones are worse. At least with a beeper you could claim to not be near a phone.
When I worked at Bibb Company in Macon, we had to be on call for a week every month or two. We were issued the beeper for that week. If the mainframe had a glitch the computer would beep us. Automatically. And if you dodn't dial into the mainframe and respond to or correct the error it would beep you again in 9 minutes.
The first time I was to be on call, someone offered to swap weeks with me. I was new and gullible and had no clue what "end of the quarter" meant. All financial software has to do week-end, month-end, and quarter-end summaries and reports. Those are when things are mostly likely to go wrong. Three days without sleep due to a stupid beeper is enough to make you hate technology. (And it's also not a shock why Bibb Co. went out of busienss.) Sadly, the people who make beepers were really good at making that one indestructable. I must admit it did make a satisfying thud as it bounced off the wall. Now that I think about it, my cell phone isn't much larger than that beeper was. I wonder what it sounds like when it hits a wall.
Krystal Lovers like hot buns.

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# posted by JasonJ1052 @ 8:42 PM
Comments:
You sound like my grandfather.

You are a person who can appreciate the 0's and the 1's that rule cell phone techknowlogy, so for you to poo-poo techknowledgy seems a little funny.

You can do more than just "call people" on a cell phone nowadays. You can play video games, text message, recieve INSTANT weather and sports stats, Blog updates, news video, and take a photo up the dress of your date! All at the same time! Man-O-man! These cell phones are great! What else can we do with them?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:59 PM
 
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