Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Oops!
Last night while watching the news, I came to a startling conclusion. Yes, it is time for me to step forward and take responsability.I may be the father of Anna Nicole's child
Let me just address that point. First of all, maybe I'm just really good. Second of all, it wouldn't take a very good lawyer to get that kind of evidence thrown out or at least tied up in court. After all, look at what the fruit cake lawyers have been able to do so far. Lets face it, she's been dead for a week and I am closer to being buried than she is, all because the lawyers want to prove a point. Now here's the twist. I happen to know a LOT of lawyers. My father was a paralegal at one point so he knows a lot of lawyers. With Mercer having a Law School, I have many fraternity brothers who are also lawyers. They range from a JAG officer to the "I wrecked my car, now someone better pay me $300,000!" type of lawyers. I am sure between them we could make a good case, especially when the lawyer gets a tasty cut of that $400M. For those who will say that Anna Nicole isn't "my type" I do have to point out that I was under the influence of the Bahamas. I didn't know it until recently, but I was in desperate need of a Bahamavention so it is likely I was delusional for much of the trip. I know the odds of me being the father are pretty slim. After all, more people have been on Anna Nicole than have been on Myspace. The odds are still better than playing the Georgia Lottery and the payout is much bigger. Plus you don't have to buy a ticket, just give a little DNA. Something no one else seems to want to do. So once the court finds for me, how will I spend my winnings? Well obviously I will build a Krystal a block from my parents house. Partly so my father can cure his Krystal Kravings, but also so I can visit without feeling "stranded." Second, I will fund a "Krystal Kid Kombo." I don't know exactly what would be in that combo meal, but I like the sound of it: "Welcome to Krystal, may I take your order please?" "Yeah, gimme what the Krystal Kid is having." Third, I would fund the construction of the Krystal Lovers Hall Of Fame. It would be a huge interactive multimedia extraveganza to rival the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. All of the current inductees would be flown in for the dedication ceremony. Every year there would be a huge party as we induct the new "cohort" of members. And we'll eat Krystals and party all night long, because we can! Oh, and I suppose I should probably use some of the money to take care of the baby. Sad how everyone keeps forgetting about the baby in the whole mess, isn't it?  |
