Monday, August 28, 2006
Rethinking The Square Off
| If you were watching the Square Off via the web cam over the weekend you may have seen Sarah Thomas demolish her competition with 62 burgers in 8 minutes. Sadly, I missed it, but hope to catch it on a web replay, or perhaps at the finals in October. As you'll recall, I posted a while back about my hesitations on stepping up to the While watching the rounds on the web, I noticed something that most of you probably missed. So let me help you out here. Go take a close look at this picture and then come back for the explanation. First off, everyone has cool T-shirts. As you know, I'm all about cool Krystal T-shirts. So I just gotta get me one of these! Now I am unsure if these folks got to keep the shirts or if you had to actually make it to the regional finals to keep them. If you have to make it to the finals, then kiss my shirt goodbye. More important, and much more subtle, did you notice the Krystal boxes? I have an eye for Krystal boxes and noticed immediately that the Square Off was not using normal boxes. These are, I suspect, custom Square Off boxes. I simply MUST get my paws on one of these. If it takes humiliating myself with my pitiful dining skills to get one of those super special boxes, well then sign me up! Now being so close to the eating machines can certainly be dangerous. Thankfully my Eagle Scout training will come in handy. When you are face to face with a hungry grizzly bear, do you know what you are supposed to do? I'm sure you are thinking "play dead." Well, congratulations, you are now bear food. The "Play dead" trick is not the universal cure for bears. It's only to be used if you cannot escape and the grizzly bear is looking at you like I look at a chili cheese pup. Before the bear ever gets close you should attempt to scare it off. You do this by trying to make yourself "appear big." Raise your arms above your head. Make lots of noise. If you have a jacket wave it around too. Most grizzly bears will decide you're just too much trouble (or too annoying) and move on down the street. Please be aware, though, that black bears see all this activity as a flashing neon "Hot And Steamy" Krystal sign and will promptly come on over to enjoy you as snack. So with this emergency lesson in place, if, in the midst of eating my delicious little burger, I notice one or more of the ravenous contestants giving me the eyeball, I will immediately attempt to make myself look bigger. And the moment that any of them bites me I will drop to the floor and play dead until the attack is over. So this is my new plan to try and acquire a Square Off burger box, perhaps a T-shirt, and not get devoured in the process. For the record, you should avoid taking Krystals into bear country. Bears find Krystals even more irresistable than you do. And should you decide not to share your pic-uh-nic basket full of steamers with Yogi and Boo-Boo they will certainly take it from you and likely consume you in the process. Lastly, when searching the web for anything related to bears, please be sure you know what kind of bear you mean. You might not like the results.  |
