The Lumpy Turkey

Since I posted the story of the first Krystal Stuffing Thanksgiving, I figured I might as well go all the way and explain the other experiment that happened on that fateful holiday. If you've been here long enough to follow my kitchen exploits, you know I like to use my kitchen as a laboratory. Every meal is an experiment. You hope for tasty results, but every result is a learning opportunity. The only problem is, sometimes it's hard to find people to eat your mistakes. As I was gathering my recipes and laying out my plans to cook my Thanksgiving feast, I couldn't help but wonder about the turkey. We've all heard stories of the hours and hours of effort and waiting to cook the perfect turkey. Coming from the science standpoint I just couldn't understand the problem. First off, we cook turkeys for two reasons: First of all to make it safe to consume. Second of all to make it tasty enough to consume. Cooking is really all about adding heat into something. OK so that's an oversimplification, but in the case of a turkey that's really all there is to it. You don't have to mix, blend, or stir a turkey. Its goes in the oven, it cooks, it comes out of the oven. And since all we're concerned about is heat transfer, I know from my college science classesq = m(ΔT)CpOr for you non-scientists, this reads: amount of heat transferred = mass x change in temperature x specific heat. I don't know the specific heat of a turkey, but that really isn't important. What we need is the ratio. The turkey's mass had better not change while we cook it. And it's specific heat doesn't change unless it stops being turkey. So we're left with the simple conclusion that the temperature and heat transferred are in direct proportion. In other words, if you want to cook your turkey faster, turn up the heat. With a little research online (again this was back in the infancy of the Web) I stumbled on an article in the 1992 LA Times title "The Ultimate Turkey." They reprint the recipe here every Thanksgiving, but they don't reprint the article itself. Sadly, you miss the best parts! The test kitchen started by trying to find the exact temperature that a turkey is done. The answers they got were all over the place: The standard advice is 185° The Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hotline says 180° They then took a different approach by asking at what temperature are food borne bacteria are dead. Again the answers varied, but were all MUCH lower that 180-180°. Most answered in the 147-165° range. The 180° figure was apparently for "maximum palatability." Whatever that means. So they got to work. They went with the assumption that 150° would be fine, and you tend to get 10° of "push" once you take something out of the oven and let it rest for 10 minutes or so. They cooked their first turkey at 325° for 7 minutes a pound, til it hit 145° and after letting it rest is was anywhere from 150-165°. Sadly, it was still too pink in places, so they went for their second try. After a few more turkeys they eventually realized their problem: the stuffing inside the turkey. By the time it got cooked, the turkey was overcooked. There was simply no way around it. So they decided to abandon the stuffed turkey. They started cooking unstuffed turkeys and cranking the temperature. They cooked a 12.5 pounder at 500 degrees one hour and it was perfect. The fire alarm was annoying, but the turkey was perfect. They then returned to the stuffing issue. What is Thanksgiving without stuffing? Their solution? Put the stuffing under the skin. This allows it to insulate the turkey to keep it from drying out, yet still allows the skin to crisp. Suddenly it all worked. They'd discovered "The Ultimate Turkey." I have a copy of that first article, and I've kept it all these years. The second half of the 8+ page article is different stuffing recipes. I didn't need those. I had Krystal Stuffing! So on Thanksgiving morning, I took my turkey out of the fridge and let it slowly warm as I prepared my stuffing. I then began the slow process of loosening the skin of the turkey. You have to be very careful, slow, and patient, at the skin will want to split open. Then I began to shove in my Krystal Stuffing. I had bought a small bird since it was just me, so I had more than enough stuffing. I probably overstuffed my turkey. And with the corners and edges of Krystal still clearly visible in the stuffing it left a lumpy, bump, alien looking turkey. But I am never very concerned with how food looks. The taste is the thing. And it tasted wonderful. I have done the stuffing under the skin trick several times since that Thanksgiving. It's really a neat trick, but you should warn your guests so they don't think your turkey has avian flu. The other problem I have discovered is, since the stuffing won't STICK to the meat, the only thing holding it on is the skin. So if you do not slice careful, entire chunks of skin covered stuff will slide off your turkey when you begin slicing. I suggest trying to remove the entire breast as a whole, then slicing it with an electric knife on a side plate. If you can get away with doing this in the kitchen, and then bringing out the results on a platter, it will go over better with the guests. I also suggest making additional krystal Stuffing on the side, because whatyou can fit under the skin will not even come close to satisfying your hungry hoard once they get a taste of the Krystaliciousness.