Dragons, Airports, and 311

Just when you thought the skies were friendly again, I will once again be returning to the airport. Not a fake airport like my previous post. I'll be flying out of a real airport this afternoon. (Though once you have seen Wilmington's airport you may questions if it qualifies to sit at the big kid table at Thanksgiving.) Yes, my friends, this weekend is Dragon Con weekend in Atlanta. Last year, since I didn't have classes on Friday, I just drove down to Conyers and rode in with Chris the next morning. No problems, no worries. Well if you scroll down to my teaching schedule for this semester you'll see I work on Friday til about 4. That throws a big monkey wrench in the plans. (Do you throw wrenches in plans?) I had pretty much decided I'd leave class Friday and drive down the 6.5-7 hours, arriving after midnight. Everyone's sure to be up, since sleeping at the convention is not allowed. Then gas prices went through the roof. Then they went higher. I decided to re-evaluate my plan. Flying down started to seem more reasonable. Out of Wilmington, Delta flies direct flights. Another airline also flies via Charlotte to Atlanta at a cheaper rate. I put a watch on the flights through Charlotte that were running about $250 round trip. Then as we all know the airlines went nuts, cranking up prices, taking away your soda and nuts, and limiting your checked bags. Almost immediately the flight I'd been watching more than doubled in price. It took me a while to figure out why. The flight from Charlotte to Atlanta had filled to capacity, and they decided to overbook and overcharge. I tried not to over react. I then turned to the direct Delta flights. About $450 round trip. Ouch! However, I'd be to Atlanta in 90 minutes and could MARTA in to the convention, for an additional $3.50 round trip. Not a bad solution, I guess. Then I realized I now have to deal with TSA. Crap. Jimmy strongly suggested I not check any bags. Atlanta airport can have trouble locating bags sometimes. I've carried on almost every time except a trip to Buffalo for Chris' wedding back in 2003. While trying to find out the current TSA policies (at least the policies they are SUPPOSED to follow) I hit the web. I don't know why I bother. They don't ever do what they say they do. One day they say you don't have to remove your shoes, but then the guy at the x-ray machine yells at your for not taking off your shoes. One day they tell you to take your shoes off, but then you find you're the only one doing it. I am waiting for the day they make us take off one shoe but not the other. As I was reading over TSA's latest ideas on security I noticed they'd implemented the 3-1-1 plan. I got excited because I happen to enjoy the band 311. It might make my trip go better with their fun fresh fusion of rock and reggae music. Sadly, I kept reading. There will be no fun fresh fusion music at the airport. The 311 rule says for carry on bags you can have all the liquids, gels, aerosols, you like as long as they are less than 3 ounces. Have you got any idea how small 3 ounces is? If you go and buy "travel sized" bathroom items at the store, most of them are over 3 ounces. As I stand in the bedroom with all of my toiletries laid out on my bed I suddenly find the answer to the question I have had for years:Why do "Conventioneers" smell so bad?The answer? TSA. People just don't bother bringing soap, shampoo, mouthwash, toothpaste, or the other various items most consider essential for hygiene and sanitation. So contrary to what I originally though, TSA doesn't stink. The whole world stinks BECAUSE of TSA. Since I refuse to be "one of those guys" I have opted to check a bag. I was thinking of just putting the super jumbo bottle of Pert Shampoo I have into my suitcase, and maybe my biggest bottle of mouthwash, too. Not that I think I'll need it, but just to rock the boat plane. Also, since I'd had everything packed into a carry on, and have since relocated it to a regular rolling suitcase I have a LOT of extra space. I have been thinking of packing liquor and alcohol now, since it's allowed in checked bags, but I have found out that it can't be any higher than 70% alcohol, or 140 proof. Whew! I was cutting it close. I mean who doesn't like a big ol' glass of paint remover right before bed? I am trying to stay positive and hope this trip goes smoothly in both directions. But there's always those magic words you hear echoing in the back of your mind:Cavity SearchThis evening around 5pm, I'll be sprinting through the local airport, with a suitcase full of liquor and shampoo, leaping over small children and people's oversized rolling luggage, clenching my butt cheeks together, and just trying not to think about the fact I'll have to do it all again Monday afternoon. And to think, airplane travel used to be the most dignified way to travel.