Long John Silver's

It's a well known fact that I don't eat seafood. I haven't always been that way. My parents can tell you plenty of stories of me when I was a kid ripping through a boil of boiled shrimp, and I could do some damage to a fried flounder. But my first job after high school and also while I was home from college on break was selling seafood at the local grocery store. When you're up to your elbows in shrimp all day, or hacking apart salmon, or wrestling live lobster out of the tank to toss em into the steamer, you really lose your taste for seafood. Figuratively AND literally. In the past when I would tell people I don't eat seafood, I always had to give the following disclaimer:I do eat Long John Silver's, but no one really considers that seafood.Living in Macon, I would say I'd have Long John Silvers (aka "LJS") about once a month, tops. The fish was Ok the chicken was decent, the french fries were cold 30 seconds after you got your food, but the hush puppies were good. When I arrived in Wilmington I realized that seafood is king here and I better buck up or get out. I immediately started to look for the closest Long John Silver's. I was shocked to find the closest one is almost 80 miles away in Jacksonville, NC. I can only assume the reason Wilmington, one of the biggest cities in NC, doesn't have one is out of fear. I suspect if they tried to open one here the locals would pick up torches and pitchforks and run them out of town, burning the building to the ground as they went. In addition, most people from Wilmington would be too ashamed to be seen going in or coming out, so they'd never be able to make a profit. I have accepted my fate. I have tried a little REAL seafood here and there. Shrimp is good. Fried is a requirement. I still don't ever find myself with a "craving" for seafood. But as I said last time I have been having cravings lately and been unable to figure out what was missing. While I was up at my parent's house, and thus a lot closer to LJS, I decided to make the 15 minute trip over to see if that's what was missing. My earliest memories of LJS were in Conyers, GA. The LJS is more or less across the street from my first Krystal where my 15+ year "every Thursday" tradition started. Back then I always got the "Fish and Chicken Dinner." From what I can remember the Fish and Chicken Dinner had 2 "Chicken Planks" one fish fillet, french fries, and I think slaw. I don't remember if it had hush puppies or not. When I was in Macon I never could find that particular menu option, though. I once asked about it and the girl rang something up and I got exactly what I had always known as the fish and chicken dinner. She didn't tell me what I had really ordered though. On the menu these days there is a combo called the Fish and Chicken dinner. I once got suckered into buying it. I knew there was a problem when the total was almost 10 clams. (Yeah that's a fish joke.) Once my food arrived I realized I'd bought enough for 2 people. The "new" fish and chicken dinner is 3 chicken planks, 2 fish fillets, slaw, fries, and hush puppies. Sheesh that's a lot of friend food! I usually wound up going with a smaller meal and then "adding a piece." I drove right past the place on my first try. I had already predicted a problem when Sally, my GPS, showed the closest LJS in Raleigh. Her maps were recently updated, so I knew something smelled. (Yet another fish joke.) Once I finally located the place it all made sense.In an apparent attempt to hide from the torch and pitchfork masses, they have decided to pair up LJS with Taco Bell. I am not shocked, as Taco Bell, part of Yum Brands has been making "hybrid" restaurants for years. You've probably seen a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut, or a KFC/Taco Bell. And I once saw a KFC/Taco Bell/Pizza Hut. Sadly this hybrid restaurant with its hybrid menu made ordering even more complicated. Instead of just giving a number for your combo you have to give a letter, too. There's a T1-T12 and an L1-L10. T is for the Taco Bell side and L is for the LJS side. I searched the menu very closely, and realized that they were missing a fantastic opportunity. They had everything they needed to make Fish Tacos, but then again that would likely attract Sandra Lee, and no one wants that.I did my usual meal creation to get 2 chicken, 1 fish, slaw, fries, and hush puppies. I did notice that my plate lacked the super sized serving of extra crispy fried batter clumps that they usually give you. Maybe the current economy is forcing them to cut back? As I worked my way through my fried fish and chicken I remembered with a laugh the following commercial: Click here if the video above won't playPart of what makes it funny is that, while LJS doesn't have square fish fillets, they have "parallelogram" shaped fish patties. They almost appear to be "diamond" shaped. Every fillet is exactly the same size and shape before they dunk them in the batter and then fry them. Once they've been fried in the batter they no longer appear to be the same shape but they are. The reason why the shape of my food was important was that I'd recently noticed this as I walked by the mirror.Apparently the empty hole in my stomach was square. I'd been eating triangle shaped food, diamond shaped food, and all sorts of round food, and nothing seemed to fil in the hole. Of course it didn't take long for me to figure out what was missing, and it wasn't saltine crackers.