Circle K gets pwned by 7-Eleven

For an explanation of the word Pwned, one of the most idiotic words to have grown out of Internet gaming culture, see this Wikipedia article. Yes it's been a while since my last post. I have been away on Spring Break. While I did technically return 2 days ago, you know it's been a good spring break when you need to go back to work to recover! It was a very good spring break. I have been contemplating how to recap it, and still don't have a good approach. Chronological is out. So lets just go with an easy one. You'll recall from several of my recent posts, I am quite displeased with Circle K and their discontinuation of the 44oz Thirstbuster. Instead they have given us the rather wimpy 32oz "Thirstbuster." (intentionally put in quotes by me) As an alternative they offer you a slightly larger insulated mug that will take a couple of years to be cost effective. In my anger and frustration I scoured the Internet to see what had happen to the world of impossibly large beverages at impossibly low prices. It was then that I stumbled on 7-Eleven. Apparently they are the new kings of big beverages. Sadly, they are as difficult to find around here as a Circle K. It's a couple of hours to the nearest 7-Eleven. I felt that was more or less the end of it. The end, until I went to visit my brother and his family up in Washington, DC.There it is, my friends. The words every thirsty boy longs to read: "Big Gulp" Frankly I wasn't very interested in the "Asian Roller & Big Gulp" combo even at the fantastic price. I'm not 100% sure what an Asian Roller is. I briefly glanced into the display as I went by. There was one of those "hot dog" rollers going and it had several large hot dog shaped items as well as several large pizza roll or egg roll items rolling along side the hot dogs. My first hunch was the egg rolls were the "Asian Rollers" but then after the weekend I'd had, I had learned not to trust my "Asian Food" instincts. In fact the rolling Asian foods made me want to toss my cookies. And it wasn't because of this:No the reason for my queasy Asian stomach was much bigger than this. But please do remember the "Kim-Chi" rice bowl as it will be important later this week. Between now and then, it might pay to brush up on your Kim chi knowledge. Once you enter the store it is obvious where the big drinks are. The fountain takes up a wall. They have sodas, a million varieties of coffee and another half million frozen slushy drinks. (While we're previewing this weeks posts, also hang on to "frozen slushy drinks" for later!) I approached the fountain with focus unseen among mortal man. I was thirsty. A thirst that couldn't be cured by some wimpy Circle K Styrofoam cup. I want more! I got more... more than I bargained for.Left to right, here are the first set of cups. We start with a mere 20oz cup, "The Gulp." Obviously this is the "kiddie" sized beverage. To the right is the Circle-K-esque 32oz "Big Gulp." If it had stopped here I would likely have gone into a carbonated rage, but there was more, oh so much more.Finally!! Man sized drinks!! on the left is the respectable 44oz "Super Big Gulp." But then, there it was. With angels floating in circles around it while singing it's praises:The 64 ounce Double GulpThere was no hesitation. (I should have hesitated.) There wasn't a second thought. (I should have thought twice.) There was just unquenchable thirst. (I thought it was unquenchable.) As I plugged the cup into the ice machine I listened in awe at the echos rising out of the cavernous cup as the tiny ice cubes plummeted to the bottom. After what seemed like an hour I finally had half a cup of ice, so I moved over to the drinks. I pondered for a while on what particular beverage deserved the right to go into my Double Gulp. I decided to flaunt diabetes and went with the Mountain Dew. After what seemed like another hour my cup was finally full. I easily found the lid for my cup, but the straw was another story. After unsuccessfully unwrapping and trying several straws, none of which came close to the bottom, I realized that the paper-wrapped pole vault poles on the bottom shelf were for me. I extracted the straw from its wrapper and plunged it deep into my cup of ice cold deliciousness. Using two hands I haul my beverage to the counter to pay for it. (Averting my gaze away from the dreaded Asianrollers!) I don't recall what I wound up paying. My eyes had long since glazed over and my ears were filled with the sounds of the waves of soda sloshing against the sides of my cup. I staggered out to my truck with my vat of soda and climbed in. It was then that I discovered one major flaw with a 64oz soda.Before you ask, yes those are Asian fortune cookies in my truck. And no, those aren't the "cookies" I was about to toss in the store. Pay attention! There is no way this cup will fit in my truck's cup holder, or any vehicle cup holder! I soon learned that it would be impossible (as well as reproductively hazardous) to fit an ice cold beverage in my lap, between my knees and in front of the steering wheel. I had to clear some space on the passenger side floorboard to make room for my beverage. I then had to strategically plan my sips at stoplights and stop signs as it required two hands to lift my beverage from the floor. I wish I could say that me and my super-bladder lasted through a 64 ounce drink and a 6 hour drive. We didn't. I managed to quickly put away the entire drink, but roughly 4 hours later, there was an emergency stop followed by a caffeine and sugar fueled, screaming sprint to a McDonald's bathroom somewhere along I-95 in northern NC. (Side note: McDonalds, one urinal and one toilet is NOT an acceptable number of fixtures for stores just off of interstates!) After a couple of days of recovery I finally felt up to completing my quest:I really think that picture says it all, doesn't it? The biggest Circle K offers is dwarfed by the biggest thing 7-Eleven offers. Someone at Circle K has some explaining to do!