The Adventures of Krystal Kid

The "It's a small world" story, as told by Mom, via Amy.

2009-08-09T08:50:00.004-05:00

Though my brother has flown back to Turkmenistan, Amy and the boys have stayed stateside for a few extra weeks to visit friends and family. Currently they are with her family in a tiny town called Fairplay, SC. Fairplay is sneezing distance from the SC/GA border up near I-85. It's a tiny, cute, quite little town.
Saturday night, Amy and her family decide to go out to eat and wind up at "The Spotted Pig" barbecue restaurant in Fairplay. At some point she noted someone sitting at a nearby table and she just kept thinking "I know him. How do I know him?" Then when she heard him talking she recognized his voice and it all clicked: It was Doug.
Keep in mind that Fair Play is probably 100 miles from where Doug lives and thousands of miles from where Amy lives.(wavy flashback lines)
Doug AKA "Douglas Brake" released a wildly successful children's album, "Sizzle, Hiss, Pop" earlier this year.
Available at www.douglasbrake.com.I immediately got myself a copy and spent the next month or so playing it for everyone I could find. It was in heavy rotation in the office, which is ironic since I am the only person in the office who does not have kids. I knew I would have to give these as gifts to everyone I know with children. In particular this meant my brother (and Amy) and Courtney. When my brother got stateside last month I took him my copy of the CD. I told him it might be wise to listen to it BEFORE playing it for my three nephews. There's nothing "bad" on the CD but the songs are so darn catchy you'll be hearing them for the rest of your life. Jeff never got to listen to it before he flew out of the country, but he passed the CD on to Amy for road music.
Apparently the nephews are entertained but not bananas over the CD, however, the boy's cousins (children of Amy's sister Stephanie) are hog wild over it. (Hog wild, Spotted Pig, Barbecue. It's funny, just hang on.) The CD is apparently in heavy rotation in the van. (wavy lines again)
So Amy suddenly realizes that "Douglas Brake" is right there, live and in person, so she walks over to talk to him. Apparently Doug has family in the area as well and was up visiting. Amy ask Doug to come meet one of his biggest fans (obviously not in the physical sense). Doug went over and greeted everyone.
I'm not sure how many people at dinner really grasp just how "serendipitous" the event was. I am sure Amy and Doug did. To add a further twist to things, Amy doesn't know that Dough is the creative mastermind behind the naming of my soft drink "Fauxganberry. I have reworked the recipe again and been making batches of it off and on this summer. I finally have gotten what I think it a suitable beverage and I took it to my parent's house while Jeff, Amy, and the boys were there. I am now state that my Fauxganberry is "Kid tested and mother approved." The kids are obviously my nephews and Amy and my mother both gave it the thumbs up. Since Amy has been to culinary school, her opinion is key, not just from the mother's perspective, but also from the "does this work" perspective. She's got trained taste buds. I eat chocolate covered bacon and Cool Ranch Doritos on Krystals.
After dinner, apparently phone calls were flying. Amy called my mother, who called me. Apparently Doug called Jimmy who called Chris.
Since I am reporting the event at least 3rd hand (I don't have three hands) I am sure to leave out details. I fully expect updates and additions from Doug, possibly Amy (though not likely) my mother, Jimmy, or Chris.
Until then, go grab a copy of Doug's CD. Go grab several of them. You now have proof they make amazing, almost magical gifts. It's great if you have kids. It's great if you are a kid. It's great if you act like a kid. It's great if you ever were a kid. Heck it's great if you wish you were a kid.

4th of July

2009-07-04T13:19:00.004-05:00

I was in the middle of working on my annual July 4^th blog post, covering the Nathan's Hot Dog contest. (No link today as web traffic overwhelmed their servers this morning.) Bottom line: Joey Chestnut won again, Kobayashi in second, the record was shattered again.
I'd also located one of my favorite Independence Day videos:
If the video above doesn't play, click hereI also intended for that video to be a launching point for me to encourage everyone to report to Washington with torches and pitchforks to run the weasels out of Washington the way we ran the British out of the Colonies, for exactly the same reasons. As I was typing up my post, I heard some rather disturbing news.
You'll recall in my last post, prior to leaving for vacation, I encouraged you to research the word "Ocracoma."
In a word Ocracoma is the feeling of total relaxation you get when you visit the outer banks, and in particular the tiny outer banks island of Ocracoke. I got to spend a tiny bit of my vacation on Ocracoke, and camped out one night at "Teeter's Campground" just off British Cemetery Road. Oh I can certainly see myself returning for vacations for many years, though stocking up on bug repellent will be required. The village of Ocracoke is on the southwest end of the island and doesn't get the full force of the Atlantic winds, so the biting insects tend to have a field day.
I had the news playing in the other room and heard "Ocracoke." Since OKE is a good 3 hours away, we don't usually get them in the news here in Wilmington, so I hopped up to see what they were saying.
Apparently a tractor trailer with fireworks for the Ocracoke celebration exploded this morning beside the ferry dock. The "Scott McNally" in the story owns and runs the restaurant SMcNally's. I had dinner there on Wednesday night and met Scott as he was restocking one of the beer coolers. His restaurant is sneezing distance from where the explosions happened.
View Larger MapSmcnally's is at the intersection of British Cemetery Rd. and Hwy 12. My campsite at Teeter's was between British Cemetery Rd. and Mark's Path. The explosion would have been just northeast of the "loop" beside the ferry dock. You can look through the photos here and here to try and get your bearings. The big building with the red roof is often referred to as a Coast Guard station but it was sold in recent years and is now "The North Carolina Center for the Advancement of Teaching." Whatever that is.All of my pictures in this post have been left "full size" so you can get much better detail by clicking on them. In the picture above, the ferry dock is just to the left of the building and the parking lot of the Ocracoke museum, where the explosion happened, is to the right.
This is the ferry dock at Ceder Island, at the other end of the 2 hour, 20 minute ferry ride. This gives you an idea of what the dock on Ocracoke looks like, so you can compare it with this picture:The explosion happened to the right of the red roofed building.This is the cover over a cistern which is all that is left of an old Fort on Ocracoke. In the background you see the red roof. if you look just to the left of the telephone pole you'll see a parking lot. That is roughly where the explosion happened.
All of the people involved in the explosion are from a company in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. (Fireworks are illegal in NC but legal in SC.) They were up for the 4th of July celebration, of course. Despite the fact the people were not from Ocracoke, an incredibly tight knit community, this event is sure to hit the island hard. Fourth of July is one of the biggest events on the island each summer as it brings in tourists from all over, and Ocracoke's economy is completely dependent on tourism, in particular summer tourism.
The news websites I linked to above are being constantly updated as this is still considered a breaking story. Check back later as more pictures get posted as well.

This is what a vacation should be.

2009-06-17T06:28:00.003-05:00

Six Days
700 miles
Three lighthouses
An afternoon in Rodanthe for you chick flick fans
Two ferries (no Richard Gere isn't one of them for you non chick flick fans)
Banker Ponies
Two nights camping on/near the beach
Snorkeling off Cape Hatteras
A day at King's Dominion
Nancy
Lots of picture
Free upgrade from the car rental place (2009 Ford Taurus Limited Edition)
Driving with the sun roof open
No students

With a vacation like that who cares if there's a 20%-40% chance of rain every day.
Your homework between now and next Monday: research the word "Ocracoma."
We'll discuss next week. With pictures. And no Richard Gere.

What's new at Krystal?

2009-06-13T07:34:00.004-05:00

Despite being exiled to Burgatory, I still keep up with what's going on at Krystal. They make it very easy with their blog Krystalist.com as well as Facebook and Myspace pages, plus Twitter. And of course there's the classic Krystal.com. In fact Krystal does such a good job of spanning the various information outlets that Krystal Marketing VP, Brad Wahl, was invited to speak on them at a recent national trade show. Read that close. Krystal, a regional favorite was invited to speak at a national conference. And look at the other 4 people invited. McD's of course. Dunkin Donuts? Well ok. Where's the King? Where's that red haired girl, Wendy? And the Taco Dog? No where.
Despite only covering about a third of the country, Krystal outshines some of the bigger national chains. You knew it. I knew it. It's time the rest of the world knew it. Via the internet, it is possible. And remember folks, you and I and Krystal Adventures were there in the beginning, as Krystal first dipped its toe into the social network pond with Krystal-lover Blog almost 3 years ago, thanks to Kenny, Tiffany, and Jennifer.
Since I am a regular reader (that means daily) of Krystalist, I've seen an awful lot of new Krystal products hit the stores. Sadly, I have been unable to get to the stores to try most of them. On those rare occasions that I do get near a Krystal I have to overindulge to try and catch up.
For example, on my recent trip through the Atlanta Airport I obviously got the standards for breakfast.As I was eating my Scrambler, I looked up and realized I was at Krystal during "The Magic Minute" first mentioned here a year ago. The Magic Minute is at 10:30 when Krystal switches from Breakfast to Lunch service.The Airport Krystal physically pulls down their menus, replaces the inserts, and then puts them back up. Some of the newer stores they just flip around, or slide over.
It is called the Magic Minute, because for a brief moment you can order off BOTH menus. Since they are switching out the menus though you need to know what you want as it may not be up there.
Knowing I wouldn't be able to get back for Breakfast on my return flight, I ran back up to order their new French Toast sandwich. Unfortunately on a 1 to 5 K scale, my sandwich only got 3 Ks. Admittedly it had to stay sealed up in its wrapper as I made my way to concourse C, and perhaps if it was fresh would have been better. My french toast was a bit dry and tough. Since I had gotten the last one of the day, that may also have contributed.
You get a large sausage patty, I would love to have a choice of bacon instead. I don't remember if there was cheese or not. The reason I don't remember the cheese is that I was overwhelmed with the syrup. Of course French Toast deserves syrup. But this was not maple syrup it was clear, almost like a glaze, and it was EVERYWHERE.Did it taste ok? Sure. But the texture and assembly left a lot to be desired. It was still better than airplane food. I wouldn't go out of my way to get one, but if I find myself at a Krystal for breakfast when I can sit down in the store to enjoy it, I might give it another try. It was just too messy. When you're about to hop on a plane to Florida, that's not a very good time to be sticky from the elbows down.
But speaking of messy, on my trip back home, it was clearly lunch time. There's lots of great new lunch times on the menu. I opted not to go with any of the new Krystal Freeze flavors because I think if your head is frozen when the cabin loses pressure, your skull explodes.I went with one of the new BA Burgers. This one happened to be chili and cheese. It was good. It was a good start. Three years ago I stumbled on the Granddaddy of all BA burgers. Basically you put everything behind the counter on top of your burger. You should probably wear an apron and maybe safety glasses to eat it. It's an extra special treat for any pets you may have at home as you'll likely wind up wearing some of it home with you.

I will eat them here or there. I will eat them EVERYWHERE!

2009-06-12T08:10:00.003-05:00

The plane was slightly delayed leaving Wilmington due to weather, and we did 2 or 3 laps around Atlanta waiting to land. It also got bumped from C concourse to D concourse. I had wisely factored in plenty of time between connecting flights so I was not worried. As we exited the plane and were walking down the ramp the lady in front of me with the stroller and the pull luggage asked "Do you know this airport very well?"
I know some folks know it better than I do, but I think I do OK. "Pretty good." I replied.
"Can I make it to the B concourse in 10 minutes?"
"No."
If she'd asked me if I could make it my reply would have been "Maybe" because I didn't have a stroller, my legs are longer, and I knew where I was going. I calmly pointed her in the direction of the escalator down to the tunnel that connects to the other concourses and then I got out of the way of all the other people who believed they could make their connecting flights.
After the rush had slowed I made my way down to the train and up to Concourse A. At the top of the escalator, I turned and looked real hard. Can you see it?I know it was tough to pick out for me too. However, I have the benefit of being able to smell. I knew exactly where to go.I probably could have found it with my eyes closed. In fact I think a lot of people in the airport walk around with their eyes closed. Listen people, it's very simple:

Stay to the right if possible
Slow people to the outside
No one is shooting at you so there's no need to bob and weave and take evasive action
If you stop you are immediately in the way, so step to the wall as soon as possible
Your luggage is behind and beside you. Just because YOU can "squeeze through" doesn't meant your bags will
Groups walk single file or two abreast, not 8 abreast

The same could probably be said for the people in line at Krystal.The grounds crew workers were standing in the line at Krystal being social. Oh they weren't ordering anything or waiting on their order. they were just chatting with each other. Not a problem until you have 3 or 4 potential customers who cannot get through the line due to the grounds crew workers. In hindsight I should have gotten some orange flashlights and I probably could have directed them to go "park it" in the chairs on the other side of the concourse.
My trip down to Florida was a designated Breakfast stop at Krystal. I technically had time to get lunch, but I saved that for the trip back. Those pictures will be later.This is a picture just outside the People Mover at the Atlanta airport. If you read the sign closely it does in fact call it a "Train." With that verification I am proud to announce that I have now added "Train" to the list of places I have eaten a Krystal.
I have no pictures of myself eating that Krystal. The problem is the people mover is either accelerating to stopping. It does both in a span of a couple thousand feet. Try to balance luggage, a camera, and a Krystal, while avoiding whiplash. I opted to eat the Krystal, and gave up on the photo op. I have looked into taking an train down to Jacksonville, Fl to see Courtney at some point, and perhaps then I can have a Krystal on a REAL train.There is no doubt, however, that I ate a Krystal on a plane. At first I was worried that my Krystal Snack might bother the people around me. But when the guy beside me was text messaging the entire flight (yes that is against the rules, just like using a cell phone) I decided I didn't much care what he thought, and if his inability to control his texting was going to kill everyone on board, I should at least enjoy a tasty Krystal before I had to assume the crash position.
I am starting to come to the realization that the reason the airlines have to make all those idiotic announcements is that there are a lot of idiots flying these days. I assure you that had the masks dropped from the ceiling, I'd have had no problem putting my mask on before assisting the idiot beside me. I am quite sure he would be unable to put it on himself. I may also have waited a few minutes before actually helping him, with the hopes that he's just go to sleep. (It's a proven fact that stupid people are smarter when they're asleep than when they're awake.)

We call her Granny

2009-06-07T23:50:00.002-05:00

My grandmother died yesterday.
I still have not come to grips with that simple statement.
It was, at the same time, a surprise and not unexpected. She'd been in the hospital, but just hours earlier plans were being made for her to go home.
My grandmother died yesterday.
I really wish at this point I could be thoughtful or funny, or entertaining, or wise, but I can't. The only thing I seem to be capable of is being numb.
What is getting me through life at this point is the knowledge that she is now, finally, reunited with her best friend, my grandfather, after being apart for 19 years.
I am reminded of one of the best eulogies I have seen or heard in my life. I watch Craig Ferguson on occasion. Usually he's on a bit too late for me. But last Christmas vacation I caught the episode just after his mother had died. The entire episode can be out split into parts online, but this is my favorite.
If the video above doesn't play click here
(The poem is incorrectly attributed to Victor Hugo.)
Parable of Immortality
Author: Henry Van Dyke
I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch until at last she hangs
like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says,
"There she goes!"
Gone where?
Gone from my sight . . . that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment
when someone at my side says,
"There she goes!"
there are other eyes watching her coming...
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout...
"Here she comes!"You can also search around online and find Craig's eulogy for his father, which is equally moving. I have always been impressed by Craig's ability to put his raw emotion out for people to see so beautifully and effortlessly.
Perhaps someday I will. Right now, though, my words fail the emotions I have, and fall woefully short of what it would take to honor my grandmother.
I hope that, at least for now, you'll allow Craig to speak on my behalf.

Off and Up-Out!

2009-05-30T12:44:00.000-05:00

I know there will be one or two people who saw my post on "urban" flying and may think it borders on poor taste. Many years ago, I would probably have agreed. Heck the guys who make the Airplane movies are unapologetic in their humor.
If the video above doesn't play, click here.The popularity of these scenes in the movie eventually led to this movie, about 25 years later.
If the video above doesn't play click here.And in a classic example of life imitating art, you may have seen him making the late night TV show rounds.
If the video above does not play click here.

You'd be eager to leave too.

2009-05-21T06:45:00.003-05:00

I made a goof yesterday when I said I was flying out on Thursday. Obviously I am not flying right now. I just got excited.
I know what you are thinking. "Excited about flying? What are you, nuts?" Well if you've spent the last few days watching the following video you'd be packed and ready to go, too.
If the Video above doesn't play, click hereHer name is Katherine but she's being called "Deltalina." Apparently the people feel she has a strong resemblance to Brad Pitt's wife. I don't like Angelina, but Deltalina? With that hair and those eyes, I'd be pushing the "call" button at least every 2 or 3 minutes the entire flight.
In particular what is drawing so much attention is that "finger wag" around the 1:50 mark. It's becomes so popular there's a dedicated finger wagging video, too.
If the video above doesn't place click here.Ok I know the second video sounds spooky and makes her look a bit scary, but if you've watched the TV show Time Warp you'd know that ANYTHING and ANYONE looks scary when you slow them down enough.
So "Deltalina" works for Delta and she's based in Atlanta. (Apparently she lives in Buckhead.) She's single and about my age. I may just have to start booking random flights on Delta to see if I can get her as MY flight attendant. Or maybe Delta.com should add a new "search field" for finding flights and let us search by flight crew.
Since I am leaving TOMORROW morning, not today, I got to check in this morning. My flight leaves at 7:15 AM so at 7:15 AM this morning I was logged in to Delta to "check in." Why try and be the first to check in? Well that's when a lot of the "preferred" seats they wouldn't let us average Joes reserve become available. When they don't get enough frequent fliers or big wigs on the flight they release those seats 24 hours in advance, so if you're fast you can move into them. It's not a change in class, just a change in location.
Sadly, since I'll be sitting on the beach 24 hours prior to my return flight, I won't be able to "jump the line" and pick a better seat. I'll likely be sitting over the wing again.
I know everyone thinks sitting up front in coach is great. There are however some problems. Depending on your plane you are usually last to board. And might be the first to get off the plane. With a layover this seems good. I was smart and scheduled a long layover so I can make a Krystal Run.
I am departing from gate C31 for my second leg, and Krystal is right by gate A28. You can check the maps for Concourse A here and Concourse C here. My flight starts boarding in Atlanta at 10:40am, so I probably won't be able to stick around Krystal long enough to get an actually Krystal on the way down. But Sunrisers and Scramblers are good enough! I'm get some steamers on the way home.
One of the down sides to sitting way up front is actually caused by the fact that it's still legal for stupid and rude people to fly.
Since they tend to board from the back of the plane to the front, they call the back rows first. I have repeatedly seen those people, as soon as they get on board, stuff ALL their bags in the FIRST overhead bin they see on the plane. Those are right above the FRONT row. If this happens a lot, by the time the people in the front of the plane board the only empty space in the overhead is way back at the back. Coincidentally over the heads of the rude/stupid people who shoved their stuff in at the front.
I know the logic is that it'll be easier for those in the back to grab their stuff on the way out. Of course it makes wonder if these people drive home from work and pull into the first driveway on their street, even though they live at the other end of the street.
The problem is that now those at the front of the plane have to get to the back of the plane, swimming against the current, to get their bags, before they can get off.
Maybe if Deltalina and the rest of the crew would be a bit more like Angelina in her latest moves and start applying the beat down on stupid passengers, things might improve. Actually if they were seated in the cargo hold, that would solve a lot of problems.
Then again if Deltalina is on my flight I'd be more than happy to be stuck on the plane a little longer. Yes, i know it's extremely unlikely she'll be on my flight, but I promise you this: if she IS on my flight I'm inviting her to come on down to Panama City Beach for the weekend. She can wag her finger at me all weekend long.

Y'all be goin' on vacation? Peep Delta!

2009-05-20T23:30:00.000-05:00

On Thursday morning I'll be flying out of Wilmington to Panama City Beach via Atlanta. I am flying on Delta. I have no particular loyalty to Delta. It's just coincidence that they're base dout of Atlanta where I grew up. It probably has more to with with the fact that there are only 3 airlines flying out of Wilmington: Delta, Allegiant Air, and US Airways.
Whenever I do have a flight on Delta, always thinking back to this. (Jarrett knows what's coming.)
If the video above does not play click here.I've actually had the sound clip since Sept. 1999. (Yes, I just checked the file date.) With the evolution of YouTube the "video" was added, introducing it to a new audience.
The clip in and of itself is funny. I must have listened to it 8 or 10 times a day this past week getting ready for my flight. But much like the old days in the office, you can't listen to the Delta clip without eventually someone bringing up the classic:
If the video above doesn't play click here.Ah yes, it is the classic scene of the "Black Dudes" from the movie Airplane!. There are many many MANY great quotes from that movie, these are among my favorite. However you really don't get the whole story with the clip above. Nor will you get it by reading the Airplane Script posted online.
To understand why you're missing out you need to understand the difference between "Closed Captioning" and "Subtitles."
In a nutshell, Closed Caption is for hearing impared people and is supposed to display EXACTLY what people say out loud. Subtitles display stuff that is hard to understand either from foreign languages, difficult accents, or quiet dialog.
In the clip above you are shown subtitles. They are very funny. You can also HEAR what they are saying. Also very funny. But here, and ONLY here at Krystal Adventures, I will provide for you the FULL experience of the scene from the movie. Not even IMDB will give you this.
After you have played the clip above a few times and wiped the tears of laughter from your eyes, play it one more time and scan the tables below. In the first two tables, the left column shows what is displayed in the Captions (supposedly what the characters are saying). The right column is what the subtitles say the characters mean, the "Jive Translation."
The third scene had no subtitles so I simply have the closed caption for the four characters involved.

Scene One

Closed Captioning	Subtitle
Shi’, that honky mo’ fo’ mess wi’ my ol’ lady	Golly that white fellow should stay away from my wife…
Got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head, you know?	Or I will punch him.
He aint gonna lay no more pig rap off on you	Yes, he his wrong for doing that.
I say, ‘ey t’ this guy. Somthin’ t’ say?	I knew a man in a similar predicament…
Pray to J, I did the same-ol’-same-ol’	And he ended up being sorry
Mack yourself a pro, slick.	Don’t be so naïve, Arthur
Lot of performers down, not take t.c.b.in’	Each of us faces a clear moral choice
Hey, you know what they say— See a broad that get all booty-eyed…	Early to bed early to rise
Lay her down and smack-‘em-yack-‘em	Makes a man healthy wealthy, and wise
Ho! Got to be, you know?	How True!
Shit!	Golly

Scene Two

Closed Captioning	Subtitle
Bet, Babe. Slide a piece of the porter. Drinks, I run the java.	I would like the steak please.
Lookee here I can dig the grease and chompin’ on some buns And dragging through the garden	I’ll have the fish.

Scene Three

Stewardess: Can I get you something?

Cuddy: This mo’ fo’ butta layin’ me to the bones.
Jackin’ me up. Ta’ me?

Stewardess: I’m sorry, I don’t understand

Arthur: Cuddy say he can’t hang.

Jane: Oh, stewardess, I speak jive

Stewardess: Oh good

Jane: He says he’s in great pain. And can you help him

Stewardess: Tell him to relax. I’ll be back with some medicine.

Jane: Just hang loose blood. She’ll catch up on the rebound on the medicine.

Cuddy: Big mama I dug her rap.

Jane: Cut me some slack, Jack
Chump don’t want no help chump don’t get the help.
Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow.

Please feel free to use these phrases as often as possible. For example we actually used to work with/for someone named "Art" (Arthur) so we would routinely say "Mack yourself a pro, slick!" Which the translation above tells us mean "Don’t be so naïve, Arthur!" of course the fact he had no clue what we were saying made it that much more fun.
And just remember... See a broad that get all booty eyed, lay her down and smack-'em -yack-'em!
(My apologies if Blogger tears up the formatting on the tables. And since Blogger's spell check gave up in frustration on the Ebonics in this post, I gave up on it as well.)<

Wouldn't you rather check your beer, sir?

2009-05-12T07:11:00.000-05:00

While planning my trip to Buffalo I did some research and had come up with three "Must Get" items:

(You can see all of pictures from my trip here)
Jimmy really only had one thing on his "Must Get" list:
If the video above doesn't play, Click here
(Please note that is not Jimmy in the video.)Apparently Maximum Ice is too high in alcohol content to be sold in the US as "Beer" so you can only get it in Canada. One day in Buffalo we walked across the Rainbow Bridge into Canada. We all had our reasons to go to Canada. Jimmy wanted Canadian beer. Some wanted to purchase cigars made in a country that is not allowed to export them to the US. (I won't name names since that is illegal.) I just wanted a T-shirt. Several of us wanted to go eat "something Canadian" for lunch. We were stumped on what "Canadian" food would be. Caribou? Canadian bacon? Maple Syrup? Yeah we were the stereotypical clueless "Americans" in Canada. (Yes I know Canadians hate it when people from the US call themselves "Americans" since Canadians are also from America.)We had lunch at Applebees.I guess what made it "Canadian" was the maple leaf in place of the apostrophe in the name. Well that and getting charged Canadian dollars and then getting hit with a currency exchange charge by the credit card company. (For added fun, the Applebees Canadian website can't seem to stick with the US spelling of "Neighborhood" or the Canadian spelling "Neighbourhood.")
Crossing back into the US is sort of like boarding an airplane. You have to show paperwork proving you can cross the border. You also declare items purchased in Canada and then send stuff through an X-ray machine.
While one of the border agents flipped through page after page of my brother's passport with all of its various countries, Jimmy walked up and placed his case of Maximum Ice on the X-ray machine. Since none of the border guards even blinked, this is apparently a common thing. The flight home was not quite as smooth.
When it came time to check our bags and go thru security, Jimmy loaded his suitcase on the check stand and started to walk off with his case of beer. He was asked if he wouldn't rather check the case of beer.
Jimmy then explained how he'd come "thousands of miles" to get that beer and there was NO WAY he was going to let it out of his sight. While the folks in Buffalo might not have ripped it off, I strongly suspect the baggage handlers in Atlanta would have, since they have little hope of ever getting real Canadian beer.
I doubt Jimmy could get away with "carry on beer" with the way TSA has clamped down on liquids these days. I suppose you could carry on your beer as long as it was in 3oz containers and they all fit in a 1 quart zip lock bag.
At this point you may be wondering why this is an issue. Krystals are completely legal in Florida. Why not wait until I get to Panama City Beach to get my hands on some Krystals?
The simple answer is, they don't have Krystal in Panama City Beach. Yet. If you search Google Maps you'll find a listing for a Krystal on front beach road, but Krystal.com store locator the closest Krystals according to the store locator are over 50 miles away. Apparently the one on front Beach Road closed a few years back. Google Maps isn't always very current.
There is hope, however. Thanks to the previously mentioned Krystalist.com there's word that Krystal will soon be returning to Panama City Beach, and a look at the map shows it wont be far from where the previous store stood. This article from less than 2 weeks ago shows a picture of them at work clearing the way for the store. While Krystals stores tend to go together really fast due to their modular construction, I doubt it'll be open when I get there in 10 days. (I did see an online job posting for breakfast shift managers, so the opening is probably very close.)
So I'll be landing in Atlanta and using my 2 hour layover to load up on Krystals. With my Friday layover being 9:42-11:10 that'll be the end of breakfast and beginning of lunch. I may also get to see "The Magic Minute" at 10:30 which they actually shift from breakfast to lunch and you can order weird food combinations like a Sunriser, a Krystal, a Chili Pup, and a Chik and a side of grits. My Monday return flight layover is 10:35 to 12:59. I'll just miss breakfast but will have plenty of time to work my way through the menu. Oh yes, THIS is what vacation is all about.

Carry on your Krystals.

2009-05-11T09:38:00.002-05:00

Chris and Amy got married in Buffalo, NY, and a lot of us flew up there and back on the same flight. We flew out of Atlanta to Buffalo, NY on Sept. 11^th. No, not THAT Sept. 11^th. This was Sept. 2003. However, you could tell there was a bit of tension in the air.
We arrived early to the Atlanta Airport since we expected security delays. This meant we'd left home early and missed a meal. We were all a bit hungry. There's plenty of food at the Airport so several of us got Chinese food. A quick glance at my watch showed we didn't have a lot of time til we needed to be at the gate so I wolfed down my food as fast as I could. In hindsight that probably contributed to the rough flight I had. If I'd only consulted with Jimmy prior to take off.
Our return flight was roughly the same situation. Arrive at the airport early and find food there. At Chris' urging I had given up my quest for a Beef on Weck in Buffalo. Chris assured me they had great Beef on Weck at the airport. I'd never seen good food at the airport so I thought he was joking. Amy assured me it was true so I trusted them.They were right.When you find yourself in the Buffalo Niagara Airport see out the Beef on Weck. (I thought it was Charlie the Butcher's but may have been Andersons.)
I got to the Buffalo Airport ahead of everyone because my brother and Amy were flying out early to Raleigh and my plane with the rest of the wedding crew was about an hour later. With all that extra time I got Beef on Weck twice. Several others got it as well. And now I think lunch today will be Beef On Weck at South College Deli.
Jimmy was running a bit late, which really means he was running right on Jimmy (Jimmy-time) that is. He didn't have enough time to wolf down anything in the airport. As he came down the aisle of the plane I saw he was bringing his lunch with him. I seem to recall it was a big sub sandwich, not a beef on weck. He then explained he was hungover and hungry and just needed bread.
Since that day I have checked and you can take most anything you buy AFTER the security check point (inside what they call the "Sterile Area"). Stuff you buy outside the sterile area may be an issue, especially liquids. I know I have personally run a beef and broccoli on steamed rice and an egg roll through the X-ray machine. It always seems to knock my plastic fork off, though. (Yes another reason why I have been working on my chop stick skills lately.)
So the answer to the important question of the day: "Can you take Krystals on an airplane?" is Yes at the Atlanta Airport, since Krystal is inside the security check point. I wouldn't advice trying to bring it from outside the airport, and you should assume MilkQuakes and Krystal Freezes are forbidden.
Of more concern than TSA, however, will be your fellow passengers. After they smell the delicious aroma of your sackfull of Krystals they are likely to surround you and demand you give them one.
Now that I think of it, I was always taught that you should bring enough to share. How many seats are on this plane? If I order "A Planefull" instead of "A Sackfull" will they know what I mean?
PS- Did you know there's a Krystal Aviation? And yes, they're related. I wonder if they serve Krystals as in flight meals?

Can you check a Sack Full?

2009-05-10T19:50:00.005-05:00

I know it's been a while since I have posted. Just because I haven't been posting doesn't mean I have been thinking Krystal. Over the next week or two I'll be posting a couple of "mini series" posts that are intricately connected to each other. Like a Stephen King novel, I really don't know how it'll turn out in the end, so let's find out together, ok?
The end of the semester is always a hectic time and not just for the students. Graduation was on Friday and I have about 10 days until Summer Semester starts up. Much like last summer I'm going to be teaching. In fact my schedule appears to be exactly the same as last summer. There is a difference though. I have picked up an online class as well. It'll be my first online class, which is a bit scary, but having roughly 5 days a week to deal with any issues that arise should help me get into the groove for the online class I have next Fall.
So what will I do with all this free time? Well I plan to travel. A lot. In fact I have just put the finishing touches on a short trip I'll be doing this week. I won't go into the details on that just yet, but it should be fun. Hectic, but fun.
Instead I want to talk about the next trip coming in about 2 weeks.
Over the past 6 months or so I have reconnected with a lot of old college friends and fraternity brothers through the wonders of Facebook. As usually happens when a small group of ATO's get together, someone will mention either having a reunion, or "Spring Weekend" our annual trip to Panama City Beach every year during Spring Quarter. There's always excited discussion and everyone agrees we need to get together. Then nothing happens.
Well it came as no surprise that once people starting linking together on Facebook the reunions and Spring Weekend discussions started up. Knowing where the discussion would eventually go (nowhere) I decided to push the issue. I called a bluff. I said "put up or shut up." I announced there would be a Spring Weekend, and also when and where it would be. Pretty much no one involved knows this, but I never expected anything to happen. I figured discussions would end and life would go on.
I seriously underestimated the wives of my brothers. I have always talked about "Carrot vs Stick" motivation. Some people need positive motivation (the carrot) and some need to be beaten with a stick (negative consequences). Missy and Greta have somehow made an art out of beating people with the carrot.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I believe I got set up. Apparently I am in charge of this insanity. Again, I "volunteered" with the belief that it would fizzle out and I could walk away, head high, with the belief that "I tried." I never even imaged that, 3 or 4 months later, I would have a list of 67 ATO's, Sweethearts, and friends of the fraternity, that have all been tracked down and contacted.
In hindsight I think part of the reason I got hoodwinked was that the last ATO reunion was back in about 1997, and I was very involved in making that happen.
Once it was clear that this wasn't going to go away, I realized that I would have to actually attend. Since Spring Weekend was always at The Sea Lodge in Panama City beach, that was the obvious choice. The problem was, the Sea Lodge had long ago been washed into the Gulf by a hurricane.Since Greta is from Panama City she sought out a suitable replacement for the Sea Lodge and at last estimate we have about 35-40 people (including children) lined up. It should be a lot of fun. A bit hectic since it's Memorial Day weekend and I have to fly there.

Departure	Arrival	Duration
Wilmington 7:15 AM	Atlanta 8:42 AM	1:27
Layover in Atlanta		2:28
Atlanta 11:10 AM	Panama City 11:20 AM	1:10*
Spring Weekend
Panama City 8:25 AM	Atlanta 10:35 AM	1:10*
Layover in Atlanta		2:24
Atlanta 12:59 PM	Wilmington 2:16 PM	1:17

*change of Time Zones
So, you may be wondering why I have over 2 hours layover in Atlanta when I could have gotten flights out less than 45 minutes after arrival. Well it's not because I'll have far to walk to change flights. After extensive research, I have found that both legs of the flights are on the Regional carrier, Atlantic Southeast Airlines , and the gates used are either right beside each other or across the concourse C.
I won't need the extra time to deal with luggage and TSA because once you've gone thru screening you don't go through again as long as you don't leave the gate area.
I will admit I have some concern over my flights being on time. Atlanta is notorious for planes arriving late. But that's not the real reason.This is the Krystal in the Atlanta Airport. I'd heard many years ago there was one, but the only times I ever went to the Atlanta airport I was going somewhere and had little time to seek it out. After a post to The Official Krystals Facebook Page reminded me, I got to work. Apparently it's on Concourse A. The picture above was ~~stolen~~ taken from the Facebook page. So now I know what to look for.
Because they are on different concourses, I'll probably have to take the famous People Mover.
I have tried desperately to find a sound clip of the famous People Mover voice from my childhood that sounded like the original Battlestar Galactica Cylons. Several years ago they changed it to a generic female voice and thus took all the fun out of the ride. The Cylon voice struck a nerve deep down inside that made you that if you didn't "Step away from the doors and to the center of the vehicle" that you'd be blasted to bits.
Back to my original point. I cannot say for sure, but I believe I may be the first person to eat Krystals in international waters. I know I won't be the first person to eat them on a plane. Heck Ronald Reagan did that. (Be careful clicking the link on the word Krystal in that article!) But if I am allowed to stretch the definition a bit, I may be the first person to have eaten a Krystal on a boat (ship), a plane, and a train (people mover).
Maybe later this summer I can work on eating Krystals with a goat, a fox, or a mouse.

The last of the Fayetteville Food Fun

2009-04-23T08:15:00.005-05:00

I can't go to Fayetteville for an extended stay and not stop by my favorite Sexually Suggestive Store, Wiener Works!Everything about this place is fun, fun, fun. Just walking in the door, you can't help but laugh at the name. Then the menu isn't terribly complicated but has plenty of delicious stuff to fill you up. Of course there's only one thing on the menu I ever order.The footlong deluxe combo (no slaw). When they ring up the price you get even happier because you get all this for less than $4.
Since you pour your own drink and they have cherry flavored soda, you also get to mix your own cherry Coke! (I like mine a bit heavy on the cherry.) The fries are great with a bit of ketchup. They have a "Fry Delight" on the menu I have often wondered about. Then I discovered this clip from Stan who owns the Wiener Works in Danville, Illinois, who apparently invented the French Fry Delight.
If the video above does not play Click Here.I hope my sister in law Amy doesn't see this clip. She's been to culinary school and could easily point out the MANY food safety and sanitation issues in the clip. I'm sure you'll be able to pick out one or two. Not to mention the fact that Stan should probably pause to breathe on occasion. (On the Danville Wiener Works site you'll find the rest of the videos in Stan's series.)
Next time I am in Fayetteville I may get a French Fry Delight, minus the sour cream. (Sour cream ranks right up there with Mayo for me. ICK)
One thing I WON'T be able to get while I am at the Fayetteville Wiener Works is a t-shirt. Sure Their online store shows t-shirts.However the yellow ones are only in kids sizes, and the really good ones are only available in Small and Medium. I haven't been a small or medium since I was about 15 or 16. Sadly, I may have to contact the Danville store to get a hat. My fear is that I'll get stuck on the phone with Stan and it'll take me 3 hours to place my order.
Speaking of things you can't buy in Fayetteville, (or anywhere) while in Fayetteville I seized the opportunity to get creative.This wasn't the first time I'd been to one of these "Combined" Long John Silver/Taco Bell places. A little under a year ago while "house sitting" for my parents, I made a trip to the one in Jacksonville, NC. It was then that I began to think of something that Yum Brands (who owns taco Bell and Long John Silvers) had overlooked. It was an idea that came to me while watching and laughing at "Ms. Semi Ho-Maid" Sandra Lee in her video from this post from a year ago. (Warning! the linked post and what follows in this post is probably rated PG-13 for "sexuality" and "suggestive language". As if "Long John Silver" isn't already a bit dirty.)
Long John Silvers obviously has fish. Taco Bell obviously has tacos. So you can get everything you need to make the fabled "fish tacos."I chose to go with the Chicken Soft Tacos since I (wrongly) assumed they'd be the easiest to convert. (See my last post for the problems with the chicken soft taco. Stupid taco bell!) But after some hard work removing the chicken, and most of the horrid "avacado ranch" sauce, I was able to assemble an reasonable "fish taco."You'll need to break the fish filet in half and make two tacos with it, as they're just too big to fit into Taco Bell's "teenie weenie taco" shell. And yes, I added some hot sauce on top. Let's face it. If you're gonna have a fish taco, you really need it to be a hot fish taco, right?
OK I'm done. You can uncover your kids eyes now.
Then go get some fish tacos and Long John's Silver Taco.

Utensil Troubles

2009-04-21T22:30:00.004-05:00

While in Fayetteville, I found myself in the midst of a plastic utensil situation. I did not realize the true problems until I'd returned home and was reviewing my pictures. Purely by accident, both events involved a Taco Bell. Let me state up front that I had not planned to eat at Taco Bell twice in one weekend trip to Fayetteville, but after sitting in the McDonald's "Late Night" drive thru line for 30 minutes one night, I decided that ANYTHING would be better than that. I mean come on, for the late night drive thru they reduce their menu to like 10 items. There is no line inside. How hard can it be to serve 10 different items quickly to a single file line?

If your service sucks more the later it gets, then you should probably just close up til breakfast.

But anyway, early in my weekend I had made a special trip to the other side of Fayetteville to the Taco Bell/Long John Silver combined restaurant. The reason for that trip will be in my next post, which I need to warn you, will venture back into the PG-13 or perhaps R ratings. Just so you know.This is supposed to be a "Chicken Soft Taco." I remember when the chicken soft taco first came out. It was wonderful. Taco Bell knew it was wonderful. So they did what they always do. They screwed it up. The original chicken soft taco was meat, cheese, lettuce. Period. Then they decided to put "Pico Sauce" on it. Not salsa, not taco sauce, not picante sauce, but "Pico Sauce." The stuff was revolting and since It tended to be rather runny, you couldn't just remove it if they put it on your taco. I would ask for my chicken soft tacos "with no Pico sauce" and I was either told repeatedly "we don't put pico sauce on chicken tacos" or they'd put it on anyway. I stopped eating chicken soft tacos for years because of this.

Note to Taco Bell: if you take a good thing and make it crappy, people will stop eating it. See also my comments on "Service" above

Apparently now they've decided that "just Pico" isn't enough. Now they don't have a simply chicken soft taco. You get it with some frightening ranchlike sauce. You know me. You know of my love of all things Ranch!! With that in mind, I feel it only fair to ask: Who the heck came up with "Avocado Ranch Sauce?!?!?"Oh and just because you now call "Pico" by the name "Fiesta Salsa" doesn't make it any less disgusting. As you can see from my picture above, I had some taco-disestablishmentarianism to do. Thank goodness for that Spork! Unfortunately, I threw that Spork away, not knowing that later that weekend I would be in desperate need of a good utensil. You see the next night on my way home from the hockey game, I opted for Taco Bell since McDonald's' service was horrible the previous night. (You see how easily poor customer service can lose you customers?) I wasn't terribly hungry, so I got the "new" 5 Layer Nachos. (I am unsure how these are different from any of their prior nachos, but that's not the issue.) I also saw the fabled "Fruitista Freeze" on the menu and decided what the heck. Taco Bell wants to go up against Krystals' fantastic Freezes? Bring it on Taco boy!
Once I arrived at my hotel room I unloaded my bag of goodies. It was then that I discovered a problem. I got my nachos. I got PLENTY of napkins. I did not get anything to eat my nachos with.
I know, nachos are supposed to be their own utensil. In a perfect, triangular chip world they are. Taco bell, however, really like to put the "chip" in tortilla chip. As in

Place full side chip on a table
Drop college textbook on chip
Remove College textbook
Sweep chip "chips" into serving bowl

Sure you get "plenty" of chips, the problem is, none of them are big enough to hold anything. on the rare occasion that you find one big enough for scooping with it's usually floppy from being buried until the other 4 layers to be useful. Simply put, you must eat Taco Bell nachos with a spoon or a fork, thus the reason Taco Bell has Sporks. Except, apparently, at the late night drive thru. (See Customer Service, above. AGAIN.)
As I sat in my hotel room, hot under the collar at once again getting screwed by late night drive thru customer service, I decided to try my Fruitista Freeze to "cool down." I unwrapped my straw and just as I was about to plunge it into my beverage I noticed something.This is called a "Straw Spoon" or perhaps a Spoon Straw. (Why is a Spoon/Fork a Spork, but a Spoon/Straw isn't a "Spaw" or at least a "Stroon?") From the two previous links you can see these things are quite popular. They sell them in fancy reusable metal, standard cheap plastic, and even some cool ones that change color in hot and cold. (Why would I need a Strawspoon in something hot? Slurping Soup? Plucking marshmallows out of cocoa?)
Purely by accident I'd found something hot to put my Spoon Star into. While it might be slow eating, I could make my way through some Nachos with a spoon straw. Obviously I can't slurp the nachos THROUGH the straw, it would simply serve as a really crummy spoon.
I did make the decision, though, to drink my Frutista first then go after the nachos. The idea of a Mango/Strawberry frozen beverage with Beef and Nacho cheese mixed in was a bit more than I could handle at midnight.
So in conclusion, here is what we have learned today:
Spork: good at getting the food you didn't want off the food you did want.
Stroon: workable for eating nachos, better for slushy beverages.
Late night drive thru: not good at all for anything.
Taco Bell: Trying hard to make bad food worse.

For Nancy on her birthday

2009-04-19T17:11:00.003-05:00

Today is Nancy's birthday. I have officially known Nancy over half of my life. While old age is making my memory fade faster than the taste of cheap bubble gum, I still remember that life BN (before Nancy) was a bit stale compared to life AN (after Nancy).
Like a lot of my friends, on paper there's no reason at all that Nancy and I should be friends. We are so completely different. Perhaps that's why her friendship is so special to me. And while our "resumes" say we're total opposites, the small "insignificant" things we have in common overwhelm what we lack in common.
Stupid things like our odd affinity to the band ELO. Chips & salsa or Krispy Kreme Donuts and Tropicana Pure Premium orange juice.
Perhaps the earliest memory I have of Nancy and I was helping her build a toothpick bridge. Back in 1990, one of the standard projects in the 3D design art class was to build a toothpick bridge. (Yeah, I know. Bridges in an Art class? What?!?) I eve took the class my senior year and still don't really grasp why theres bridge building in an art class.
it is my understanding that Mercer's School of Engineering has taken over the toothpick bridge contest which seems to make more sense.
When I was in 7th grade I build a toothpick bridge that was darn near indestructible, so I felt I could lend my (at the time) Engineering Major abilities to an Art major trying to build a bridge. So for hours Nancy and I sat in her dorm room with big bottles of Elmer's Glue and piles of toothpicks. ELO played in the background as we made lots and lots and lots of triangles.
Our teamwork was so successful (?) that we continued our collaboration for the rest of the quarter. Mainly Nancy would think of the idea and I would come in and provide some sort of comedic angle.
The large piece of Plexiglas with concentric circles taped on it above the "windshield wipers" and then the entire thing was covered in toy bugs. My contribution? The name: Driving To Orlando
Somewhere along the lines Nancy came up with the idea of a Dinosaur Shampoo. (Yeah I didn't get it either.) My mind instantly went back to my childhood when my brother and I each had a bottle of shampoo shaped like a dinosaur. I think I had triceratops and he had tyrannosaurus rex. And of course there were epic sudsy prehistoric battles in the tub. (And after typing in those two dinosaurs names, I realize I should have use my "phone-a-friend" lifeline to call my nephews who are dinosaur experts.)
When I related this story of dinosaur shampoo Nancy, she smiled politely and nodded along, tolerating my story (as she often does) and then explained that it was shampoo FOR dinosaurs. I was left speechless.
She simply had visions of dinosaurs in the tub with suds all over their heads. I (being the horrible realist that I am) pointed out that the T-Rex didn't have arms long enough to shampoo the hair they don't have anyway. After about 20 minutes of gut busted laughter at the whole idea, and other jokes about things T-Rex can't do, it was decided that, Mother T-Rex would be shampooing her children's hair.
When any of these art projects came up, Nancy would need art supplies. Not paint and brushes, as Nancy always had PLENTY of that. Being starving college students, we needed cheap and disposable art supplies. The best source for that? The Westgate Mall in Macon. Back in the early 90's the Westgate Mall was a real mall. Enclosed and everything. These days it's an open air ghost town of a strip mall with a Chinese take out place and a shoe store. (The three anchor stores, Wal mart, Home Depot, and Media Play either moved or went out of business leaving the small stores to wither and die.)
I have racked my brain but been unable to come up with the name of the store in Westgate Mall that sold utterly cheap crap. It was as if The Oriental Trading Company had an outlet store where they sold their unwanted and rejected stuff, that's the place. It was always a fun trip as there was something new every time. Not that you'd ever consider buying anything. Unless you were on a budget and working on an art project. That store was the source of countless jokes over the years, but the longest running one (and Nancy will likely repeat after me) were the:

Magic Popping Eyes

"What is a magic popping eye?" you ask? This is a Magic Popping Eye:Yes these are 1990 era "Magic Popping Eyes" from that unknown store in the long gone Westgate Mall in Macon. What makes them Magic? What makes them Pop? Well first you turn them inside out:Then your carefully place them on the table and as the turn themselves right side out, they launch themselves into the air. The large ones will easily jump about a foot.The small ones will jump 2-3 feet. The original package came with, I believe, 3 or 4 of each size. I only have 2 of each size because in addition to their "Magic Popping" ability, they also apparently have "Magic Disappearing" ability. The packaging also seems to have that ability too.
I am sure you're wondering how on Earth some child's toy could provide YEARS on entertainment. Well, they can't. They're just not THAT magical. The real joy of the items sold at the unknown store of crap was the fact that most items were made overseas where they didn't speak English. (And yes, the phenomenon now has a name and a website: www.engrish.com.)
The packaging for "Magic Popping eyes" was loaded with insane engrish. The best one was when it told you to turn the eye inside out and hold it on your hand while it popped. The package implored us to "Feel how good that sounds." Ahh Engrish, I shall never tire of thee.
At this point I bet you can't wait to get your hands on a Magic Popping Eye so that you, too, can feel how good they sound. Well sadly, after a lengthy search of the web I have come up empty on Magic Popping Eyes. There are, however plenty of less magical toys simply called Poppers.
As you look at the Poppers you may notice something different from mine. The poppers on the web site all appear to have a hole in the center. Apparently several years ago my friend Cap'n Crunch had to recall boxes of cereal containing a popper toy. Apparently kids were giving themselves ferocious hickeys, bruises, and bloodshot eyes.
It seems that with a name like "magic popping eyes" and the fact they LOOK like big colored contact lenses was causing kids to put them in their eyes and mash them onto their skin creating a lot of suction. So now they put a hole in them to prevent the suction. This does not affect their jumping ability, but it also removes a lot of the danger than made Magic Popping Eyes so much fun to play with. (That, and feeling how good they sound.)
So Nancy, I had planned to send you some Magic Popping Eyes for your birthday, but for your own safety I have decided instead to send you some Lawn Darts. Just remember, when someone yells "Look Out" that doesn't mean "Look Up."
If the video above does not play, Click hereWhen I was younger, and my brother and I had outgrown Dinosaur Bathtub Battles, we located a set of "Jarts" at a yard sale. They were great neighborhood fun, until our parents apparently sold the set at a yard sale while my brother and I were gone to summer camp. While we never had a Jart accident, I suspect my parents were motivated by an earlier "incident." Remind me to tell you the story of the small scar on my forehead. Then we'll all go get sticks and hit my brother with them. No it wasn't a Jart incident, but it was close enough.

Pancakes in da house!

2009-04-14T20:17:00.004-05:00

I love breakfast. I mean I really love breakfast. While planning my trip to Fayetteville, I noticed most of the places I planed to eat were lunch and dinner type places. Breakfast was being left out completely. That simply wouldn't do.
Years ago the hotel I stayed at was just off I-95 at Cedar Creek Rd. I think it was a Day's Inn. The location was great, the hotel was good, but the big selling point was the Denny's in the lobby. Denny's rules.
Just like Central Park and Baldinos form my prior two posts, my love of Denny's started in Macon. The Denny's in Macon was down the hill from campus on Riverside Drive. It was open 24 hours and was a well known Mercer hang out for those who needed free refills and room to spread out books and study. But like Baldino's and Central Park, Denny's also closed. What's worse is NOTHING has moved into the old Denny's location on Riverside.
To be fair there were other Denny's location in Macon, but nothing compared to the Riverside location, and all the other locations closed as well, including the super fancy one they built on Pio Nono in the Office Depot parking lot.
Finding a Denny's in my hotel in Fayetteville was great. After hockey games I always have a craving for food. Kim and I would make regular trips to Waffle House after Macon Whoopee games. I suppose if we had a Denny's in Macon we'd have wound up there.
After games in Fayetteville I could come back to my hotel, kick off my shoes, and get comfortable before walking down the hall in my slippers to Dennys for the late night snack.
That Denny's closed many years ago and the hotel closed not long after that. The hotel has reopened under a new name lately, but Denny's hasn't returned. Other places have moved into the area including a Cracker Barrel and a Waffle House, so I doubt Denny's will return.
With a clean breakfast slate I decided to try something new. For years driving form my hotel to the games I would pass my a tiny motel on the side of the road. In front of the hotel was an intriguing sign.I had driven past this place for years as it is feet away from the turn I take to get to the coliseum. I decided that this was not only a literal sign but a figurative sign so I knew where I would go for breakfast.It is really a cute place to eat. It's a bit small, but they turn over the tables quick. When I arrived and told them it was just me, the hostess was going to seat me at a "4 top" in the middle. I asked if I could sit by the window instead. She told me that the waitress for those tables was a bit swamped. I told her I was in no hurry, so I got a great 2 seat window side table. The reason i wanted a window seat was the the windows go floor to ceiling, and you are steps away from "Eastern Boulevard" in Fayetteville.Eastern Boulevard is also I-95 Business. Back in "the day" it was the "Temporary I-95." While they were building the real I-95 on the eastern side of Fayetteville, this served as the route thru town. Cars still zip down the road and with a window seat you are VERY close. Throw in the squirrel tramping around in the natural area 2' away from me and it was a great seat. Almost as great as the menu.The hen delight may seem expensive until you see what all you get. That is a LOT of food. I doubt serious the hen's "delight" in your ordering that.As I glanced over the menu I noticed the "Tower Topper" Three Buttermilk Pancakes topped with Fried Egg and Bacon or SausageI love to stack my food, so that seemed right up my alley. And boy howdy was I right! (When I do breakfast at Dub's, I have them place my over medium fried egg directly on top of my hash browns. Don't knock it til you've tried it.)It looked wonderful. But how exactly do you eat it? My waitress gave me a side plate in case I wanted to move my egg to eat it. I didn't dare mess up my breakfast tower. So I was left with two options:

Salt and pepper my egg and then pour syrup on top and eat it all together
Eat the egg off the top, then syrup up the rest and keep going

I opted for choice #2. I felt as if I was some culinary archaeologist digging through the strata of deliciousness: fried eggy goodness followed by three layers of pancakey wonder. It was phenomenal. It was so phenomenal I had it for breakfast the next morning, too.
You may be wondering about the colorful things in the mall cup beside the butter. Since it was Easter Weekend, the Bunny had stopped by and dropped off jellybeans for everyone at Pancake House. I like this place. I'll be back for sure. Maybe one day I'll even try something else on the menu. But not any time soon.

You can't eat in Central park

2009-04-14T08:38:00.004-05:00

As if finding a Baldino's in Fayetteville was enough to make the trip worth it, I was fairly certain I had once heard that Fayetteville also had Central Park Hamburgers. Much like Baldino's, I got hooked on Central Park in Macon, and they have all since closed.
You may recall my excitement on my last Chattanooga trip over 2 years ago, when i discovered they had Central Park. They are very hard to find and unlike Baldino's, the Central Park website is of absolutely no help. If you find one, you're lucky, and you better go there when you can as they seem to have trouble staying open. Like the one in Fayetteville.Prior to leaving Wilmington, I had located the single Central Park in Fayetteville (on Murcheson Rd.) and loaded the address into Sally, my GPS. As I came up Murcheson I couldn't see a sign for Central Park at all and I got worried. The reason I couldn't see one? There isn't one. The only "road side" advertising is the building itself. With Central Park's unique "Burger Tower" set up, this might be eye catching enough, but sadly, this building was so beat up and run down it was hard to tell what it was let alone know if it was open. The only reason I knew it was open was I saw another car pulling out of the drive thru as I pulled up.Along the side you can see the classic "Burger fries Chicken Coke" that was the standard at the Park for a long time. Actually it was "Burger Fries and Coke" for a long time, but chicken was eventually added.
I think the simple menu is what kept Central Park going for some many years. Once the added chicken and began to "diversify" the menu, things went down hill. In the first picture, you can see all the signs on the wall showing the items not listed on the menu. Did the menu change cause the Park to decline, or was the menu change a response to the decline? I don't know. I tend to believe that if you do something well, at a good price (and the Park has ALWAYS had great prices), then people will come to you, you don't have to chase the people.
The menu showed little about the offerings, but a lot about the age and upkeep of the place. There was only a menu on one side of the building despite being a "double drive thru. Clear packing tape held the menu to the wall and price changes were simply printed on duct tape and that was put over the old prices. A few items had simply been marked out with a big black marker. It was quite sad, really, knowing the way things were in the "glory days" of Central Park.
Since it was early (about 11am) I wasn't especially hungry, but I couldn't NOT get something, so I went with the single cheeseburger, fries and a Coke.Gone were the glory days of "bonus fries" where they'd put your order of fries in the bag and then toss in an extra handful. Apparently the economy has been tough on the Park.But the burgers are still delicious. I love the Park, I just hate to see it slowly dying. I know the website (and the cups and bags) proclaim hopeful messages about their 25th year, and how they are "expanding." But the few I have seen over the years look to have been built 25 years ago and have outlasted their useful life.
So if you happen to see a Central Park, go grab yourself a burger. Not only is it a great burger at a fantastic price, you may not ever have another chance to have a burger at Central Park.

How to make Fayetteville Fun

2009-04-13T22:17:00.005-05:00

Fayetteville, NC is not the most exciting place to live. When I tell people I am going to Fayetteville, most of them ask "Why?" with a rather worried/confused look on their face. Since I have family in NC and lived in GA for 30 years, trips thru fayetteville were expected 3 or 4 times a year. Once they got hockey in Fayetteville, I would drive there for games 2 or 3 times a year. on a few occasions I had the "opportunity" to stay a couple of days to see several games. This allowed me to explore Fayetteville and see what they had.
I'll be the first to admit that on the surface, Fayetteville rightly deserves the nickname "Fayettenam." The military presence from Ft. Bragg and Pop Air Force Base is overwhelming. The city, in places, also appears to have been thru a war. But if you know where to look and keep an open mind, there's good stuff there. If you know where to look.I had driven past this sign for years and never thought much of it. We had a Baldinos in Macon. Little did I know, though, how important this discovery would be.
I can't tell you how many times I have enoyed a Baldinos sandwich either as a picnic on Coleman Hill overlook downtown Macon, or when the weather (or pan handlers) were bad, a carpet picnic with my big sis, Becky. I think Baldino's was a right of passage for Mercer Students. You cannot imagine my shock when Baldino's closed in Macon around 1998. I had always known it was a chain, but never knew where another one was. We didn't have anything close to today's internet back then. I couldn't go to Baldinos.us and looked up other locations. Even if I had, I wouldn't have found the fayetteville locations very easily. While they are technically the same chain, the Fayetteville locations are at Baldinos.net. One of those many wonderful twists of fate that makes up my life.
This past weekend, I knew I would be in Fayetteville for 3 days for 3 hockey games. The week prior to leaving I could feel that Baldino's craving starting to grow.I spend a long time looking over their menu. It was then that I discovered something. The menus are different!
In particular, on the Georgia menu you will find "The Big Ones" including the "American Army" sandwich. The Fayetteville menu doesn't mention them.This is especially shocking given the huge military presence of Fayetteville and relative lack of it in Macon. My problem is that my "regular" was the American Army (hold the tomato, add mustard). My prior planning though, payed off, as I remember "The Big ones" were simply "double everything" of a smaller sandwich.
I placed my order and I pulled up a chair.
The American ArmyIt looked wonderful, just like I remembered. Onions and lettuce literally hanging out of the sides with vinegar and oil dripping off onto the simple paper wrapper. This was going to be good. But I needed it to be great.
Baldinos is where I first discovered the beauty of putting chips on a sandwich. It gives it extra crunch and adds a little something extra you just can't get any other way. Normally I prefer Cool Ranch Doritos, but Baldinos only had regular. Good enough, I say!There it is! Crispy and crunchy while at the same time soft and satisfying, and with the double meat it was extremely filling. say what you want about Fayetteville, but it's hard to hate a town when you're stuffed with a delicious sandwich.
You may have noticed on the Fayetteville menu a few items related to the Bambino. That really has nothing to do with Baldino though. If it did then it would be on the Georgia menu, too. The reason it is on the fayetteville menu is that Fayetteville has a special connection with Babe Ruth.
Babe Ruth hit his first "professional" home run in Fayetteville and it is also rumored that Fayetteville is also where he got the nick name "Babe."I attempted to locate the spot of the first home run, but that area (135 yards NW of the marker) is in an old train yard in Gilespie that now appears to be used for metal recycling. It is quite inaccessable.
View Larger Map
(The Marker is on Gillespie, but closest access to the location is around the block on Glidden)Fayetteville was also where Jim Thorpe hit his first professional home run, which was the longest on record until Ruth outdistanced him by 60 feet.
And if you're like me and loved Field of Dreams then you won't ne surprised to hear that Archibal (Archie) "Moonlight" Graham is a real person, a true story, and he was from Fayetteville, NC.
Oh yes there's plenty to fayetteville, if you know where to look. I have only begun to scratch the surface, so stay tuned!

Fritos or Fri-NOs

2009-03-22T09:48:00.002-05:00

I don't eat Fritos. Period. I'd probably eat mayonnaise before I'd willingly eat Fritos. It's not for healthy or philosophical reasons, it's for "turn my stomach" reasons.
I have read that because the part of your brain that deal with the sense of smell is so close to the memory portion of your brain, that smells are tied more closely to memory than any other sense. That may be true, but my aversion has nothing to do with smell.
Let me warn you that this story recalls events that have prevented me from eating Fritos for roughly 20 years. If you are highly suggestable and wish to continue eating Fritos, you should stop reading now.
Many years ago (this had to have been mid or late 1980's) I lived in Conyers and had lots of friends living within blocks of me. It was routine for us together at someones house for movies or games or whatever. Jimmy's house had the ultimate basement so that was often where we wound up, especially in the winter. My house had the ultimate screened in back porch, so that tended to be where we spent summers.
One summer for some reason we were spending a lot of time playing board games (bored game?) at Jeff's house. (Not my brother Jeff, since that would mean my house. Keep up, will you?)
I distinctly recall one afternoon as we gathered around to play a game at Jeff's house. I recall Jeff and Jimmy as well as Scott being there. I don't remember others, but there may have been more people there. We hadn't been there long before we heard the time honored phrase. Home Simpson says "Doh!" Without fail any time there was a gathering, it was just a matter of time before we'd hear Scott's famous question: (Jimmy, repeat after me...)"Do you guys have anything to munch on?"Ah yes, in addition to games, we also often had snack fest. Like a swarm of locust, we could clean out a pantry in an afternoon. Some of my earliest adventures in cooking were baking huge batches of Pizza Rolls for everyone to eat.
This particular day Jeff went to the pantry and opened the door to go over the "menu." He rattled through a few things before we finally agreed on the half eaten bag of Fritos. The bag was placed on the dining table and the game resumed. The bag tended to move around the board in much the same way at the dice. Take your turn, then grab a handful to last you til the bag made it around again.
Then someone asked the question:Do these taste funny to you?Everyone nodded in agreement. Discussion of the particular flavor followed. Some felt they tasted "smokey" and some felt they tasted "burnt." I don't recall ever having seen Barbecue Fritos at that time (thought they may well have existed). But we were quite certain these were plain old original Fritos. Despite the odd flavor we continued to eat them, a decision that haunts me to this day.
After a while the whole concept of "pass the bag" fell apart as someone decided it would be more efficient if we just "dumped some out on this end of the table." With grunts of approval, the bag was upended and a glorious stream of Fritos, cigarette butts, and ashes poured out onto the table in front of us.
The silence was deafening. The emotions were all over the place. It was funny. It was horrifying. It was stupid. It was sad. It was sickening. As our brains tried to comprehend the situation, our stomachs immediately took over and everyone began to feel ill. Queasy. Nauseous.
There was a brief rowdy discussion on who may have put their cigarettes out in the bag of Fritos. The discussion was ended by everyone deciding they really didn't feel well and going home. I don't believe anyone ever found out exactly where the cigarettes came from. I think everyone just wanted to forget the event ever happened. Well as you can see, I never have. My stomach hasn't either. I do not eat Fritos. The smell makes me a bit woozy. (Yes Fritos have a very distinctive smell and it is NOT supposed to be "smokey.")
It really is a shame that I don't eat Fritos as I am quite sure they're the gateway to a lot of delicious recipes. I envision a crushed Frito crust on some sort of a quiche. Sonic has their "Chili Cheese Frito Burrito." Which hints at the universally accepted Frito creation: The Frito Pie.
Various places lay claim to the Frito Pie. Some say it was created in Knoxville, TN. Oddly enough the same website also says it was started in Texas, or (the idea I tend to believe)by Daisy Dean Doolin, the mother of Frito founder Elmer Doolin.
The basic concept of a Frito Pie is simple: pour chili on Fritos and add cheese, onions and other tasty additions. But where Frito Pies REALLY carve their own niche in the world is the "traditional" way to serve them.
While I was just getting started on my Masters degree, my classes were on Robins Air Force base (where I'd wind up working 10+ years later). I often arrived early for classes since I got off work at 5 and class started at 6, and since that usually left little time to get dinner, I would arrive to class hungry.
One day a classmate, Chester, who's wife was stationed on base, showed my where I could get food in the BX next door. (Since I did not work on the base I had extremely limited access to facilities). The place he took me to was a tiny hot dog stand in the BX. I got a chili dog and Chester got a chili pie:
Take a snack size bag of Fritos and cut open the SIDE of the bag. Hold the bag in your hand with the opening up and pour in a hefty amount of chili. You could then add in whatever toppings you wanted like cheese, sour cream, onions, hot sauce. It all looked fantastic with all of the chili and cheese and onions (three words that bring me running). But the entire time I was watching them make it I kept hearing those same words:"Do these taste funny to you?"I have never had a Frito Pie. I have heard that Sonic will occasionally have them on the menu. Goody for them and goody for you. I'll just put the chili and cheese on my tater tots and enjoy them just fine.
I have on occasion tweaked the recipe a bit by pouring chili into a bag of Doritos. I have also done it with leftover taco meat. The problem I find is that I don't often have single serving bags of Doritos around the house, and I don't trust that the newer bags are designed to have hot chili poured into them. While the clean up for a chili pie is easy: bag, plastic fork, and napkins all go in the trash, I find it works just as well to build my "Dorito pie" in a bowl.
In the future if you wish to enjoy the wonder of a Frito Pie, I say "Go for it!" I will not be joining you. If you wish to sit next to me at a baseball game or hockey game and eat your Frito Pie, you can dine comfortable knowing I will never ask for a bite. You will, however, have to dine in fear that I may throw up all over you AND your Fritos. It's still probably better than cigarette butts.Enjoy your Fritos!

Jason vs. The Vending Machine

2009-03-17T21:48:00.002-05:00

Many years ago, I owned a record player. I didn't have many records, as cassette tapes had begun to take over, but I do recall having Ray Steven's Shriner's Convention on LP. If you don't know what an LP is, go ask your mother.
There were lots of great songs on that album, but one I have been thinking of lately is "Coin Machine." Here's a not so great video from YouTube:
If the video above doesn't play click here.For my job I teach on two different campuses. The north campus is newer and very nice. There's a cafeteria downstairs and vending machines on every floor. The downtown campus, though, there are vending machines on each floor but the cafeteria is down 3 floors, across the street and up one floor.
I have a fair amount of control over my schedule each semester, and try to leave time to get food near regular meal times.
Monday of this week was "one of those days." Being the first day back after Spring Break, I was running way behind schedule and had no shot at lunch. My 10am class ran fine, but I have no time between classes to eat anything. Then my 12:00-2:20 class had issues. They had a homework program due at 10pm and several students refused to follow my suggestions:

Plan your work before you start.
Don't wait until the last minute to get started.
Read the chapter.

The second point is especially important since the assignment was given prior to spring break, giving them almost 14 days to do the assignment. You can imagine my displeasure as a couple of students opted to stay past the end of class time, and thus dip into my "run downstairs and get some food" time.
After finally running them off, I realized I no longer had time to get all the way downstairs and back so I opted for the vending machine, or "junk machine" as I call them. Monday was one of those rare days that I actually had a few $1 bills in my pocket. The first dollar went to buy a bottle of Coke. I then took my last dollar and side stepped to the candy, chip, and garbage vending machine.
I looked over the half empty machine at the pitiful selection. (I fail to understand why they don't fully stock the machine. It's not like anything in there is ever going to go "bad.") I decided the bargain of the day was the two pack of blueberry Pop-Tarts for a mere 70¢.
In goes the dollar bill, I push the magic letter number combo and it spits my dollar back out declaring I needed to use exact change. I tried again, just to be sure, and got the same result. OK, so apparently the machine can't give me 30¢ change. I began to look for alternative: Snickers? Three Musketeers? Maybe. Fritos? Never (One day I'll explain why I never eat Fritos, but I promise you'll never eat them again either.)
For the next 5 minutes I played the "what can I get for a dollar?" game and I lost every single time. I walked away hungry and confused. Why would it accept my dollar if it couldn't give change for ANYTHING it sold? As Ray Stevens says, coin machines are evil.
For the next 2 hours as I was in class, hungry and now angry, I came up with the solution. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but hunger must be the father. I now hereby declare the biggest improvement to vending machines since the dollar bill reader:

The Screw It Button

I must admit the first name I had was not nearly as nice, and I doubt any vending machine company would write that on a button. But here's how the "Screw It" button works:
You put your money in. You make your selection. The machine informs you that it can't give exact change. You press the "screw it" button and you get your item and SOME change. The "Screw It" button rounds your purchase price up to the nearest amount the machine CAN make change for.
How does this benefit you? You don't go hungry.
How does this benefit the vending machine? Someone WILL pay $1 for a 60¢ candy bar if they are hungry enough. That's a huge profit margin.
I would have paid $1 for that pack of Pop-Tarts.
While I think the "Screw It" button would be a huge benefit to customer and vendor, I do also believe, as Ray says the vendors must hate mankind and every other living thing. It won't take long for them to simply stop putting change in the machines in hopes that EVERYONE will hit the "Screw it" button.
Then again, I may steal a page from my fraternity brothers, Brian and Rhett who started "BORT Enterprises" in college and undercut the vending machines in the dorms by buying in bulk and reselling at a "modest" markup. I figure a snack and a can of soda for $1 makes everyone happy (except the vending machine company). Muhahahahah!

Spring Break!

2009-03-09T09:02:00.003-05:00

My spring break officially started on Friday at about 10am. (I love my job!) What am I doing for Spring Break? You ask? well, I am escaping, like Clint Eastwood in that Alcatraz movie. It's way past time to get out of Wilmington for a while. I'll be heading to Orlando.
For years my friend Jen and I would alternate trips. In the summer I'd go to Orlando to visit and in the winter, she's come up to Macon to visit. (Yeah, I know, birds go the other direction.) For the past couple of years it has been as easy, but we've made due. There was a cruise, several ETB concerts in Brunswick, her coming to help me past for my move to Wilmington, and this past summer she came up for a week to see Wilmington. (I still haven't posted pictures or a recap of that visit, though someday I will.)
Since the local tiny Airline provides direct flights from Wilmington to Orlando for an "advertised" price of $19 each way, it took me 2 minutes to decide to go to the land that Mickey built. I say "advertised" for the ticket price because they will tack on so many fees it's insane. When you pick you seat, you have a choice of $10, $12, or $15 seats. That is in addition to the $19 ticket. Where are the $0 seats? Probably on the wing. Not over the wing, I mean, out on the wing, holding on for dear life.
As we usually do, Jen and I have plenty of cool things planned. We'll see how it works out. On Tuesday, we will be road tripping up to St. Augustine. We'll be going to The St. Augustine Lighthouse which is ironic since when Jen came here to visit last summer we saw, climbed, or visited three different lighthouses.
Also in St. Augustine, I hope to stop by The Fountain of Youth. Since I had another birthday a little over a week ago, I am going to try the mythical "undo button" and get bit a big frosty mug full of Youth. (Which should also be helpful since I have a 20 year High School reunion coming later this year and of course everyone wants to look like they did in high school.)
There's plans to hit the old Fort, the shopping district, and perhaps go see Flagler College (no, that's not for educational reasons, it's supposed to be beautiful.) The evening will wrap up with a visit from Courtney and Sean who are driving down from Jacksonville to join us for dinner.
Wednesday is entirely focused on one thing: The Shuttle Discovery is due to launch that night. So here's where I'll be on Wednesday:

Shuttle Discovery Night Launch - The funniest bloopers are right here

If the video above doesn't play Click HereThis will be either my 3rd or 4th shuttle launch. The first one I saw was way back in about 1990, while on a high school ROTC trip. Because it was an ROTC school trip, and it was early 90's we were given very VERY close access to the launch. After 9/11, there's no way the average Joe could get that close. Don't expect any of my pictures to come close to what you see above.
We'll be chilling at a Jetty park near Canaveral. Oddly enough, we literally "cruised" right past the park a couple of years ago, while on board the Sovereign of the Seas. And double coincidentally, the day we left port, NASA was launching a communications satellite and we got to see it (and feel it) from on board ship, just prior to leaving port.
Thursday is fairly wide open. There's been some talk of SeaWorld so we can go play with some fish. But that evening we should catch up with my friend Jarrett who lives down in Orlando.
Friday afternoon I fly out of Orlando and back home. That leaves me roughly 2 days to enjoy around here before heading back to work on Monday. Spring break is roughly the half way point in the semester, so it's all down hill from here. I better make the most of this Spring Break. I won't get another break for a while.

If you wanna fight, you have to take your shirt off.

2009-03-07T12:33:00.004-05:00

A couple of posts over on Facebook from Joe, a high school classmate of mine caught my attention. Apparently Covington, GA, which is near where I grew up in Conyers, has been having a problem lately with naked people trying to get into fights.

Having grown up Georgia, I am very familiar with the sight of shirtless men, usually drunk and sweaty, fighting. It's most commonly seen in the parking lot of a bar, right around closing time, and people are being ushered outside. The argument is usually because of a woman.
Perhaps this was some genetic thing like gorillas beating their chest, cobra's flattening their necks and hissing, or skunks lifting their tails. When I was growing up, I figured it was just a "drunk macho redneck thing" since it seemed to always be drunk rednecks. One time I did see two sweaty girls, one topless, in a parking lot fight. Before you guys start thinking "Cat Fight!" I need to explain that the verbal insults prior to the fight involved one calling the other "Shamu" and the description fit.
It wasn't until years later when I had gotten into hockey, I finally realized the brilliance (perhaps unintentional) of the strip down then fight strategy. In hockey players usually wear a lot of pads under their jerseys to protect them during play. When it comes to the "extra curricular activities" your jersey and pads actually give your opponent an advantage.
There are two basic strategies for fighting that involve the "sweater" (jersey). In the classic one, you see most often these days, you take your left hand and grab the sleeve of your opponent's right arm between the wrist and elbow, and twist it to try and immobilize their right arm, and preventing them from punching you. With a firm grip on their jersey you can also push and pull and keep them off balance while you swing your (hopefully) free right hand. This strategy is very common and very effective in causing a "draw." Unless one combatant is strong or crafty enough to leverage his opponent off his skates or break free.
I did however witness one occasion where the strategy backfired badly. Macon had a player at one point named Rob "Robbie" Phillips. Rob's left elbow was a disaster of scar tissue from injuries over his career. He never really was considered a "tough guy" so no one really knew how he fought and no one knew he was really left handed, or a "southpaw" as they call it in boxing. One night while playing Huntsville, an opponent decided to pick on Robbie and grabbed Robbie's right sleeve, twisted it up good and held on. Rob later said he just "locked" his left elbow at an angle and proceeded to land 10 or 15 blows repeatedly on his opponent who eventually asked Rob to let him go and stop hitting him. This is why boxers don't like southpaws. Everything is backwards.
The second strategy made famous in the movie Youngblood, is to simply try and pull your opponent's jersey up and over their head. This serves the triple purpose of blocking their vision, lifting their arms up and exposing their midsection, and also preventing them from swinging punches back at you. You can see an excellent display of this in action with the following video.
If the video above doesn't work click hereThe reason I chose the video above was to also introduce you to Rob Ray, one of the few NHL players to have a rule named for them. Rob understood clearly that his sweater and pads were a hindrance when he wanted to "go" so he did everything within his power to make sure his sweater didn't get in his way. I'd heard stories of him actually taking off his gloves and helmet (which IS proper in a hockey scuffle) and then taking his jersey off.
The second NHL game I ever saw was Atlanta vs. Buffalo many years ago. I considered that game to be the ultimate in showcasing the NHL. I got to see a Miraslav Satan penalty shot (before the NHL made penalty shots as common as brown M&M's). I got to see Dominik Hasek, my favorite goalie (who would go on to win 2 Stanley cups with my beloved Red Wings) and I got to see a Rob Ray fight. His jersey never left his body, though, because the NHL had instituted the "Rob Ray Rule." Watch Rob in white and see how easily his sweater "disappears."
If the video above doesn't work click hereIn the early 90's jersey were required to attach a "fight strap." It's a strong fabric or elastic strap with a sturdy snap on it. A player is required to loop this around his belt and secure his jersey to the back of his pants. The fight strap pre-dates the Rob Ray rule. If you watch the second video above you can see Rob ray HAS a fight strap. It's just not secured. You can see most of the other players DO have their strap attached. The "Rob Ray Rule" says if you get in a fight and do not have your fight strap secured you get tossed out of the game.
Due to this a new strategy arose in fighting: rip off the other player's jersey and they get kicked out for the Rob Ray rule. I saw that happen many times in Macon, in particular to our captain Phil Valk who was smart, big, tough as nails, and good at making other people hate him.This is Phil Valk's jersey. It has been "modified" to use the term from jersey collector lingo. You can clearly see his fight strap and it is in perfect condition. That's because it was never used. Phil got smart. He got a thick shoestring. Since you can't secure that to the back of the jersey very well he wrapped the fabric around a penny and then tied the shoestring around that to secure it. The free ends of the shoestring were tied around his belt and there's no way that would come undone. Necessity is the mother of invention.
An earlier invention from Macon comes from Richie Walcott. Richie may have been one of the most physically gifted athletes I have ever met face to face. in his hockey sweater he looked much like everyone else, except he was black. On rare occasions you'd see him with his jersey off and then you'd see the difference. While most other players have quite a bit of padding and protection under their jerseys, Richie only had one small sholder pad to protect one shoulder as he rammed you into the wall. Everything under his jersey was 100% Richie. He was huge and ripped. If he wasn't such a darn nice guy, he'd be terrifying.
Richie always used his fight strap but found his jersey constricting. Even though he wore the largest sized jersey allowed by the rules and wore no padding underneath, he still felt "restricted." Then one day he saw our goalie Eric Patry. Goalies wear WAY more pads than anyone else, and Eric was a rather tall and lanky goalie. To fit all those pads under his jersey, he got his jersey "modified." He had someone open up the seams on both sides and add in about 4" of extra material on each side to give him more room. It worked like a charm. Richie saw all of the room Eric had and decided he wanted that, too.This is Richie's jersey with the heavily (and illegally) modified sides. I am 6'2" and over 240# and this jersey swallows me up. It's like wearing a circus tent. Plenty of room to move.
I guess the bottom line is, when you are going to get into a fight in the parking lot of a bar, you have two choices: Do the Rob Ray and take your shirt off, or do the Richie Walcott and wear comfortable clothes with room to move. I think southerners tend to go with the "Rob Ray." Its quick and easy and requires zero forethought.
PS When I said Richie was a gifted athlete, I wasn't kidding. Apparently after he'd had his fill of hockey he went back to baseball. No word yet on him modifying his baseball jersey for those times he has to charge the mound.

Putting Vista in the sleeper hold.

2009-02-24T21:38:00.003-05:00

I had my old XP computer set up just right. If I stopped using it or walked away the screen saver would kick in after about 5 minutes. After about 15 minutes it would go to sleep.
Yup, your computer will sleep. It's not really a new idea. Laptops were on of the first to use the idea to save their battery power. When you weren't using it or closed the lid it would go to sleep, and shut off power to all but the essential parts.
Well over the years all sorts of variations of the sleep concept have come up. Now there's hibernate, sleep, standby, and I am sure there's a few other. I even read that there's actually like 4 or 5 different kinds of "sleep" for computers, though most only support one or two.
The problem is, my new Vista computer didn't seem to support any. For the first couple of days, I had it set up on the dining table as I slowly moved my files and settings over. At the end of the day I would just power it down. It was then that I discovered Vista was going to be a challenge.
On an XP machine, shutting down was very easy. you tap the "Windows" key. It's NOT the "Start" key, people it does WAY more than bring up the start menu, and you don't even need to use it to bring up the start menu. Hold down Control and Tap the Escape key. Tada! Now back off.
So you'd tap the Windows key, then the letter U for "Shut Down" and you'd get the cute window asking if that is REALLY what you wanted to do, or would you rather choose from 3-5 other options. Most of the time it already had "Shut Down" selected so you hit enter. In short, to shut down your computer was the following sequence:
Window, U, Enter. Done
Not in Vista. No way.Welcome to Vista's new Power Pandemonium. The first button should be the power button, right? It always has been. Well not so fast. You can now configure that to do anything you want, including do nothing. You can even configure the actual button on your computer's case if you like. The next button is to Lock your computer. (Or is it?) and then we get a menu.
The problem is (as far as I can determine) you HAVE to click on things to get this. Vista now has a "Smart" start menu. You tap the start key and any letters you type it now tries to find a file or program to run for you. Tapping Start and then the letter U shows me a lot of files and programs with the letter U in their names. If I keep typing it narrows the list. Thanks Microsoft for once again screwing those of us who have learn to work smarter by using the keyboard instead of the mouse. I have found hitting Start and then the left and right arrows keys can "walk" you over to the menu without using the mouse but that's just stupid.
But back to my original problem. My new computer might go to sleep. On those rare occasions when it did, it might not stay asleep. In addition to the on screen stuff, and the button on the top of my computer, I have a "Sleep" key on my keyboard, too. All of these options and none of them worked. What's worse is there seemed to be no consistency.
One day I hit the sleep button on the keyboard and the computer went to sleep. As I stepped out the door it woke back up. So apparently my computer only needed a 4 second nap. One night I woke up to what I thought was an alien invasion. you see I now have a huge 22" flat panel monitor, and my current desktop has a rather greenish tint to it. So when the computer "woke up" in the middle of the night there was this bright eary green glow that flooded out into the hall. And it didn't go away. Until the next morning when I finally pushed the sleep button.
I'd finally had enough. I started to search for ways to get it to automatically go to sleep, log me out, and stay that way. I found myself searching the internet because the Vista Help files were not at all helpful. (How ironic!) While I was finding very few solutions, I was finding thousands (millions?) of people with the same problem.
As I began to stumble on possible solutions, Id try one. Then I had to wait 10 minutes to see if it worked. Some of the "solutions" required me to reboot my computer. Some of the solutions wanted me to boot my computer with my foot.
At one point I found a "solution" that said that a USB mouse and/or keyboard could be causing the computer to wake up. Apparently the computer will occasionally check in with some USB devices to see how they're doing, and a mouse or keyboard could respond in a way that would wake up the computer.
The suggested solution: go to device manager and disable the ability for the mouse and keyboard to wake up the computer. I had disabled the mouse from waking up the computer and was on my way to disabling the keyboard when it dawned on me. If neither the mouse or keyboard will wake the computer up, how, exactly do you wake up your computer then? I wonder how many people fell for that trick?
I left my keyboard along so it would wake up the computer. I honestly didn't think that was the problem since I don't even have a USB mouse or keyboard.
Eventually, solution number 8 worked. I read that the network connection could be keeping the computer from staying asleep. I found the option to have the network connection shut off when sleep sets in and my computer's been fine ever since.
The down side is I can't remember all the other options I changed along the way so that I can go set them back. I am afraid I may have turned an insomniac computer into a narcoleptic computer.
Who knew Vista caused sleep disorders?

Vista Cereal, from Microsoft

2009-02-23T08:12:00.000-05:00

When I was little, I loved cereal. I loved ALL the different kinds. Honeycomb, Fruity Pebbles, Grape-nuts (yes, grape nuts) and Cap'n Crunch. The problem is, in order to have a cereal buffet, I would open ALL the boxes so I could rotate around. Unfortunately, that means that most of the cereal got stale before it could be eaten (except Grape Nuts which I don't believe ever goes stale). I had learned the hard way, that sometimes you should only open one thing at a time.
With the creation of Windows, we gained the ability to "Multitask." Since this is one of the vocabulary terms in my class I can recite the definition from memory:

The ability to work on multiple tasks at the same time and quickly switch between them.

You were only limited by the power of your computer. Until Vista came along.
I am not saying you cannot multitask in Vista. I currently have 4 applications open. The problem is Vista now discourages you from "getting to work."
In XP you could select a lot of files and hit the Enter key and Windows would open all the files for you. If you selected a lot (like 10-15 files) you'd get a warning that it might take a while, and you had to confirm the operation. Let me repeat, you'd get a warning, but could confirm the operation. Vista thinks you're too stupid to confirm the operation, so you don't have a choice.
I discovered this last week as I was grading a homework assignment, where student had to submit a Word and Excel file. on XP< I'd simple do a Control-A ("Select All") and then hit enter and Id have both files open and ready to grade. Last week I'd Control-A just fine, but enter did nothing.
In the following pictures, watch to the left of the toolbar that starts
with "Organize" and "Views":No file select

One file selected (Excel)
Open (with an arrow), Print and Share buttons appear

Two of the same type of file selected (Excel)
The arrow beside Open disappears

Three files of two different types selected (2 Excel and 1 Word)
The Open option disappears completely
In researching why this might be happening and how to fix it, I actually stumbled on a message board by a Windows Vista User support person. His explanation was that the ability to open multiple files could be a serious drain on system resources, so it was taken away. Umm.. Print doesn't seem to be even more dangerous? Of course the fact that Open only disappears when DIFFERENT file types are selected makes me think they didn't really plan things out too well. I can easily create 5 Excel files that if you open them simultaneously, it will bring your computer to its knees. (One Excel 2007 worksheet has over 17 Billion cells, put in 3 or 4 worksheets filled with calculations, for 5 files, and you've got a memory killer.)
As an aside the Down Arrow that disappears when you go from one to two files gives you the "Open With" option. Apparently, once you have two files of the same type there's no need for the "Open With" option? That makes no sense.
I quickly grew tired of trying to determine WHY Vista was written so stupid and set my "considerable" talents toward resolving the issue. I have said for years you should never mess with a computer programmer who knows what he's doing. I believe the phrase "The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth" was a simple misprint. It originally read "The GEEK Shall inherit The Earth." If you think I am kidding, I have two words for you: Bill Gates.
Since the issue is build into Window Explorer, I can't simple "Hack" that code, I needed to build something myself. It took about half hour to get a rough version running and another hour to make it semi presentable. I hereby present:

Drag And DropKick

I am still tinkering with the name. At one point it was "Dragon DropKick" (I had a dragon's head picture)then "Dragin' DropKick" and even "Drag 'n DropKick" Currently I am just going with DropKick. The reason for the "Drag And" part will be clear in a moment. I've been looking for either a foot or a good "kicking" icon, but not found anything useful. Those who know me know I have ZERO artictic talent.
Quite simply it is a tiny little application I place down around my clock. Now that I have a 22" flat panel monitor I actually have too much screen space. The first version of DropKick was the size of the clock on the taskbar. It was semi-transparent, so it could be placed over the clock. The problem was you'd forget it was there.
Once it is up and running, you just select whatever files, folder, or programs, you wish to open then Drag and Drop them on the target. It then opens everything up faster than you could have double clicked them. It stays on top of everything for easy access.
You may have noticed it has no minimize, maximize, or close buttons. Currently, a right click on the target closes the application. I also have a single click remove the applications button from the task bar, so it's not distracting.
Is this program worth money? To me it is. who knows, the three people I have shown it to thought it was neat, but they don't have Vista so they didn't see the need. I'll keep tinkering with it and fleshing it out. Maybe if the world ever does finally accept Vista, there will be a demand for this program.
If you want a copy, let me know. I may be able to slide you a beta test version.

Here a window, there a window, everywhere a $)(*&^ window!

2009-02-22T13:30:00.003-05:00

In the beginning of the web a "home page" was different from what it is now. These days a "home page" is the face YOU present TO the rest of the world. People come to your home page to find out about you. (You could be a person or company.)
In the beginning, your home page was your "launching pad" to the rest of the world. you started there and then moved out onto the web. People don't seem to believe this, but if you go to your Internet Options in Windows Explorer, look at the name given to the page that is automatically displayed when you start your browser.
My starting page has been Alta Vista for years. They won awards for being a top search engine about 8 years back and I have been a fan ever since. Why a search engine as my starting page? My insane curiosity causes me to search for stuff on the Internet constantly, so I find myself on search engines more than anywhere else. Of course this is moot now that the newer versions of IE already have a "search" box to the upper left that can connect you to your favorite search engine. (Oddly enough I still have Alta Vista as my home page, but Google as my Browser search engine. That gives me flexibility.)
Anyway, I do in fact have a personalized home page in the traditional sense. I have a web page with 14 links on it that I check almost every day. Since I need to be able to change the list at the drop of a hat, the page is stored on my desktop, not on the web.
When I get up in the morning, I crank up that page, hold down the control key and start clicking.
In the prior version of IE, before they had tabbed browsing, I'd hold Shift and click, which opens links in additional windows. It was a memory drain and a bit clunky, but that's all there was. Tabbed browsing (with control-clicks) makes things MUCH easier. Then I got Vista.
As I mentioned previously, Vista is all about security. Even if you don't want it. My old Dodge Dynasty (formerly my mother's old Dodge Dynasty, and currently my Grandmother's old Dodge Dynasty) had automatic door locks. When you get above about 10 miles and hour it automatically locks the door. Nice security feature. If however it was the new Dodge Dynasty with Vista technology, it would lock as soon as you put the key in and wouldn't allow you to unlock the door while the car is running. In fact, to unlock the door, you have to have someone climb up under the car with a hex-head screwdriver and loosen two bolts. Sure, it's secure, but honestly, is it better?!?
When browsing the web there has always been a way to classify web pages. Basically they get grouped into good, bad, and unknown. They're all considered unknown until you move them into one category or the other. The only difference is that Unknown pages can't do stuff without your permission. Bad pages can't do anything at all. Good pages have pretty much free reign to do as they please. I can accept that. Vista can't.
The morning after I cranked up my new computer, I started my home page from my desktop and started control clicking links and chaos erupted on my desktop. Apparently, Vista FORCES windows from different "zones" to open in different windows. Since my file is on my desktop it is in the "intranet" zone, and EVERYTHING else is in another zone. so am back to have 8 windows flying all over the screen for no apparent reason. This is clearly an example of "one step forward and two steps back."
It took me about 10 minutes of prowling the web to find a solution to this problem. I found the REASON for it very easily: "This is to protect you and your computer." Well thank you very much, Microsoft. Got a hex head screwdriver?There's a setting in Internet Explorer to "Enable Protected Mode." Since I am using the same version as I had on XP, I am fairly sure it was there in XP, but didn't make anything special happen. To get the crazy window explosions to stop, I had to turn off that option and restart my browser. What are the ramifications of turning on Protected Mode?" I have no idea. But it's GOT to be better than "The Vista Alternative."

Vista's stupid, but I'm not.

2009-02-18T18:30:00.003-05:00

Well, the time finally came to take "Computersaurus Rex" out in the back and shoot it. It had started making funny noises over the past few months and no amount of cleaning the pounds of dirt, grime, and gunk was helping. It was becoming clear the noises were the hard drive not the fan. A fan would be a quick easy and cheap fix. Hard drives, not so much.
The last time I had my computer open for cleaning, I could clearly read its "Birth Date" written in black marker on the bottom of the case: August 2, 2002. Almost 7 years ago. I am well known for making computers last well beyond their lifetime. (My previous one lasted 10 years.) That is partly due to my ability to pinch a penny until it screams, and also due to my ability to upgrade a computer and keep it running even when it should be put down. (The geek equivalent of duct tape and wire coat hangers holding it together.)
After a week of shopping I finally purchased my new computer. Hopefully it will last me another 6-8 years. I won't get into the tech specs, but it's a powerhouse, and with the 22" wide screen monitor, it scares me a little bit. The biggest issue however has been wading into the dark underworld of Windows Vista.
Teaching an Intro to Computers course (actually 4 of them a semester) I get a LOT of questions about Vista, and I hear lots of horror stories and complaints about it from students. My exposure to it has been minimal, so I really haven't been too concerned up until now. we use and teach Windows XP at work.
I have to admit up front I am a bit of a power user. I know a lot of the shortcuts and ins and outs of most Microsoft applications. So a lot of complaints others have don't seem to be a problem for me. Likewise some of my "issues" are probably unimportant to most people.
My three biggest issues have been:

My computer won't go to sleep and stay there.
Holding down Control while I click on links in a web page stored on my desk top always opens in a new window not a new tab.
Selecting multiple files (of different types) and hitting enter does not open ALL of the files.

The first issue is a relatively stupid one, and shouldn't even BE an issue. The second and third issues ARE Vista related and are all caused by Vista's knee jerk approach to security.
I am constantly reminded of HAL from 2001. My computer is going to protect me from anything and everything, including myself, no matter what I may think or what I want.
"Jason, I have determined you are trying to install some new software. Are you sure that's wise?"
"Yes, HAL. It's software I need to do my job."
"Jason, that software appears to be dangerous. I'll uninstall it for you."
"No, Hal. I need it, leave it alone."
"Jason, I am sensing growing frustration. I will begin playing Barry Manilow music until you calm down."
"HAL, stop it. Turn that off!"
"Jason, you can stop typing on the keyboard. I have locked out all mouse and keyboard input until tomorrow. I will now turn up the volume to maximum until you calm down."
Over the next few days I'll review the "cures" for these issues. Some are simple and stupid. One is entirely too complicated (and I am still not 100% sure it's worked.) The last one is fun and funny, and "Typical Jason."
Stay tuned. Otherwise HAL will turn off your life support system.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two

It's not racist, it's just breakfast.

2009-02-15T21:56:00.006-05:00

I like breakfast. Scratch that. I love breakfast. There's just something about waking your senses up in the morning to the sights, smells, and tastes of a good breakfast.
I have spent a fair amount of time the past year and a half looking for a great breakfast in Wilmington. This city is blessed to have a lot of places that will make you a breakfast to die for.It is universally accepted that one of the best is Whitey's. You can take a peek at their menu over at one of my favorite sites MenuPix. The menu on MenuPix is an old one though. I know this because their current menu lists "City Ham" instead of "Sugar Cured" ham. If you ever want to have fun, ask someone from eastern North Carolina what "City Ham" is. The answer is likely to be funny, and probably insulting to "city folks." One of the better ones I have heard is "That's ham for people who don't know where ham comes from."
I happen to know where ham comes from and I know what city and country ham are. And those who really know about ham also know of the wonders of Red Eye Gravy.And Whitey's makes it the "right way." You know it's done right when you see them come fill a small bowl with coffee and take it back to the kitchen. I personally don't do backflips for red eye gravy. It's an acquired taste and if you overdo it, you'll be camping out in the bathroom before the day is over. Let's face it, that's a bowl full of grease and black coffee. But it done wonders for a biscuit or for grits.
Perhaps one of the few things that has changed over the years at Whitey's is that they recently went 100% smoke free.For those who live in Georgia this may sound strange. In Georgia, everywhere is smoke free and has been for years. But North Carolina is the the world's biggest producer of tobacco. It took me a while to get used to being asked "Smoking or non smoking" when I went out to eat. Whitey's took a risk.
Whitey himself (who sits at the cash register or wanders the dining room every day) told me they lost a few customers when they went smoke free. I am quite sure they did. The "non-smoking" dining room was in the back and you had to walk through the smoking section to get to it. By the time you got to the back (where you were usually all alone) you felt like you needed a bath. It's not as smelly now, but you can till pick up the occasional whiff of smoke.
As I mentioned, Whitey's is named after "Whitey" who owns and runs the place. The best I can tell he's a former police officer and very well connected in the city. Politicians, police and firemen are always around. Whitey's a nice guy, but I suspect the name might set some people off.
This past summer, when Jen was in town for a week, we happened to be dining at "Goody Goody Omelet Shop" and met a black comedian from out of town. (His claim to fame was he was the only black cowboy comedian.) Anyway, he struck up a conversation and when he mentioned he'd been told to go to Whitey's for breakfast, he thought it was a joke. An ugly joke. We assured him Whitey's was good food, and not the least bit racial. I'm not sure he believed us.
The place I have been concerned about is a few miles down Market Street.A quick look thru their menu will show you that it's fairly similar to Whitey's. Since they're not on MenuPix, I took a picture for you. Oddly enough, it appears none of these places have a web presence.With all of these choices, I went with my old faithful. Two eggs, over easy. Hash browns with cheese. Toast and jelly, orange juice, and good old country ham.White front is not racist either, despite the name. In fact it is owned and run by a Greek family, and I was one of the few white customers the morning I was in there.Lest you begin to think that Wilmington is the only city with vague racial breakfast places, consider this:

Food Theory: Topping

2009-02-06T09:23:00.000-05:00

A few years ago there was a Sonic commercial that went a little something like this:
A young couple is in a jewelry store looking at some rather fine diamonds. The girl's eyes are dancing but the guy seems less than impressed. Picking up on his displeasure, the salesmen says,"Perhaps you'd like it... with CHEESE?" He then proceeds to pour a huge ladle full of melted cheese on top of the diamonds. This is greeted with huge smiles and nodding heads from the young couple.
I know that feeling. I've lived that feeling. I have always held the belief that most things can be made better if you can just find the right topping.
While cooking is often thought of as an "art," it very often is more science than art. This shines through especially when you see how often people in the food world try and "classify" foods. The most widely know is Sweet vs. Savory. Of course as with all "theories" there are those who disagree. (I personally have no issues with things being either one or the other.)
As an example of controversial food classifications, we have "The four basic food groups." Children under about 15 wouldn't know what that means. Us "older folk" know exactly what it means:

Fruits and vegitables
Meat, fish, and eggs
Milk and Dairy, and
Breads and cereals

This worked fine for decades. Then people got fat.
Out go the four food groups and in comes the food pyramid. There are suddenly like 6 or 7 different "groups" and you have to stack them the right way. Then the food pyrmaid underwent a few changes until now it is just a stupid mess that no one understands. I want to make a theory of food that no one can deny or argue with.
In cooking, especially French style cooking, you hear a lot about the four "Mother Sauces" from which all other sauces derive. (Listed here with the early 20^th century additions)

Béchamel
Espagnole
Velouté
Allemande
Tomato sauce
Butter sauces
Emulsified sauces

This is a good list, but again, most people have no clue what a Velouté is, and while they have probably heard the term "Emulsified" they probably don't know what it is or how to make one.
I refuse to fall into the "Food Pyramid" mistake and make a theory no one can understand. I want everyone to embrace it, to love it, and to live it. Just like I do. I therefor present my theory of Toppings:
Anything you eat can be made better with the simple addition of a topping (or sauce) chosen from the following list:

chili
cheese
chocolate
gravy
ranch
syrup

I probably should give a brief history of this list. If you've been a regular visitor to Krystal Adventure then you know I have always been a big fan of chili and cheese. Both together is great, but they're also quite good individually. So many good food crave the extra saucy twang a good cheese sauce or a meaty chili can provide.
Then one say I ran into ice cream. Neither chili, nor cheese works on frozen dairy creations. Suddenly, Chocolate joined the list. I thus had my "original three" of Chocolate, Cheese, and Chili. The symmetry of all three starting with CH was obviously a sign. Those three lasted me for several years.
Sadly, I began to notice foods that were not improved by any of the three. In particular, mashed potatoes. Yes, I have put chili and/or cheese on some mashed potatoes. in theory I figured it was sort of like chili cheese fries that had a rough ride to the table. Deep down I knew my theory had a flaw.
Gravy was soon added to the list. What a fine fine addition it was. Suddenly all meats could be improved in several ways. Life was once again very very good. Gravy was the addition of necessity.
Years later I began to find myself eating Cool Ranch Doritos entirely too much. I found myself making excuses to eat them. I'd always loved putting Cool Ranch Doritos on my Subway sandwiches. (Of course the reason is Subways have almost no flavor and absolutely no crunch, both of which CRD's have plenty of.) This eventually led to the "Cool Ranch Dorito Krystal" I love so much. (The linked post also shows the addition of cheese whiz to a Krystal. Yum!)
If gravy was a sauce of necessity, Ranch is a sauce of love. Finally, my list was complete. I thought. Then I went to breakfast. I had pancakes. I had a problem.
I know there are chocolate chip pancakes, but the chocolate is IN the pancakes. I don't know anyone who orders a stack of flap jacks and pours chocolate syrup on top. Chili? Cheese? Ranch? Nope. Gravy? Probably not.
As I sat there contemplating the new hole in my theory I ate my pancakes. My sweet and sticky and delicious pancakes. What could I possibly be overlooking?Syrup! Of Course!I briefly thought about honey, but syrup is more flexible. While my father would likely vote for molasses (or "Mole Asses" as I call it) that's an acquired taste, and I haven't acquired that one.
So there you have it folks. My list is complete, as far as I know. So when you find yours eating something that just don't excite you; when you sit down to dinner and can't resisting a yawn; when you'd rather eat your lunch box than what it inside your lunch box, the solution is easy. Grab one of the magic six and pour it on. It might be a good idea to keep some extra in the fridge or cabinets just in case.
I know I do.

Google is Stoopid

2009-01-31T09:47:00.003-05:00

Computer security is a big deal these days. What with identity theft and credit card fraud it is understandable. The problem is that sometimes, in the name of "security" people take it too far. No this is NOT a commentary on the government and homeland defense.
In my computer class, Very early in the semester (1st or second day of class usually) the topic of Windows Vista comes up. Our class is WindowsXP based because our book is WindowsXP based. The NC school system has made the decision to stick with XP for now. When I was working in GA and Vista first came out, the US Air Force (and I assume the rest of DOD) decided to stick with XP. In fact most of the corporate world opted to stick with XP.
This, of course, did not sit well with Microsoft. They've been fighting an uphill battle ever since. Most of the fight has been perception, not fact. Thus the recent "Windows Mohave" commercials.
As a side note, I am REALLY tired of commercials where companies LIE about who they are, PRETEND to be other companies, and TRICK customers, simply to film a commercial. (I'm looking at you Hardees, Pizza Hut, Microsoft and Burger King.) If a company will lie to their customers about who they are, how can you trust ANYTHING else they say or do?
People say they hear bad things about Vista but few have actually experienced bad things in Vista. I am not saying Vista doesn't do bad things. I am just saying the problems have been blown WAY out of proportion. With that said, most of the issues with Vista center around one thing: Security.
Vista is extremely concerned about your computer's security and protecting your data. Vista will protect you and your computer from any and all outside threats. Sounds good, right? The only problem is, Vista see YOU as an "outside threat." Want to install new software? Vista will fight you. Want to install new hardware? Vista will fight you. Want to eat your dinner dangerously close to your computer? Vista will fight you. (Just kidding on the last one.)
The latest company to overprotect you is Google. Now I use Google a lot. I used Alta Vista exclusively for almost 10 years. Now I go with whichever works at the time. As of this morning, Google dropped from that list.
I was doing some research for a blog post this morning and did a quick Google search for something, hoping to find a picture. The results came back, but with the following cryptic message:This site may harm your computerApparently, Google is now patrolling the Web looking for sites that may contain harmful code. (What most people incorrectly call "viruses") If Google finds potential problems in a site it will be flagged as potentially harmful. If you attempt to click on the link you're greeted by a BIG page explaining that it may be harmful to keep going.
The problem is their standards for being "flagged" are vague at best, and not very good standards. I fully expect my blog to be flagged at some point.
Since Alta Vista has been bought out by Yahoo (just like the half of the internet not owned by Google) I have found some of Alta Vista's search results being "flagged" by Yahoo and they also have an extra "warning" page.
My first and biggest concern with this is the "nonstandard standards" for flagging "potentially dangerous" sites. I figure it's just a way for Google and Yahoo to make more money. It's already well known that those who pay money to search engine companies get moved up in the results. It's a shady practice but not unexpected. How else will they ever make money? Most search engines are really "Selective Search Engines."
My concern has been that they'd start flagging all sites as "potentially harmful" until those site owners came on bended knee to Google and Yahoo and pledged their loyalty. Thus giving more power to those already bloated internet companies.
The reason I bring this up this morning is this: Google just bit themselves in the butt. After my innocent search this morning, I noticed EVERY site in the results had been "flagged." This included sites I knew darn well were not harmful.
One of my favorite "logic tricks" is to "turn something in on itself." So I simply Googled Google.As you can see, as of about 9:30 this morning, Google did not trust itself. Clicking on the "This site may harm your computer" link produced this page:It stayed this way for at least 5 minutes. Then Google itself went down for roughly a minute. Then it finally worked. So you can now read the vague "standards" here (Be careful clicking that link! Even though it's a Google web page, Google doesn't think it's safe!
As a programmer and programming teacher, very few things upset me as much as people in the computer industry who skip "Alpha Testing" and "Beta Testing" and unleash error riddled software on the public without warning and without permission.
It's even worse when the "errors" serve to terrify the unsuspecting public, or extort hard working innocent companies. It's like suddenly yelling "Fire" in a crowded and unsuspecting movie theatre just to see if it works.
PS Within 45 minutes of the error appearing, Google has "fixed" the problem. Now don't you feel safer?

Better, Stronger, Faster

2009-01-22T09:57:00.002-05:00

I got a call yesterday evening from my father. He was out of surgery and in his room recovering from his knee replacement surgery. He'd already read my last post. Apparently Pops has a new laptop. Suddenly it all became very clear what was happening.
If the video above does not play click here.Apparently the surgery went well, though delayed a bit. He was "chillaxin" in his hospital room with my mother. No doubt flipping channels on the TV and playing on his computer.
He'll be in the hospital til the end of the week for physical therapy and such. Then I suppose he'll be off to go buy some shirts with really big collars and coordinated jogging suits.
As a follow up to my previous post, he reminded me the clown's name was "Gus."
He also wanted to let Jimmy and Chris know that he's keeping his bionic eye on you and he knows what you're doing, and you better watch out. (He had cataract surgery a year or so ago.)
He's already up and walking, so it's just a matter of time until he's running 60 miles per hour, and chasing down bad guys in their cars.
I suspect at least for the near future any time my father does anything remotely strenuous like sitting down or standing up, getting in and out of his truck, flipping pages in his book, or turning on the lights, I'll be forced to make that "Ta-na-na-na-na-na-na" sound effect. You know the one. (Before viewing this clip make sure you have a soft place to land once you fall out of your chair, laughing.)

Six million dollar man Steves legs to the rescue
by spinout1

Yes, apparently someone left their overheating muffler in perhaps the safest place possible, and Mr. Seven Figures decided to come along and "split the uprights" and kicked the exploding muffler from the safe and deserted dry dry canal into the water next door, likely killing all of the fish. Smooth move, Steve. Real smooth.

My father got a wounded knee at Gettysburg

2009-01-20T08:04:00.003-05:00

I know this post is going a bit out of order but you'll understand soon enough.
Whenever I return to Conyers, I will inevitably have people ask me how my parents are doing. With my joining Facebook and reconnecting with a lot of my old high school and college classmates, the questions are coming online as well. Throw in the 20 year high school reunions (my brother's 2 years ago, mine coming this year) and I am surprised the question hasn't shown up on Jeopardy.
You can always tell how someone knows my father by the name they refer to him. He had one name prior to joining the Marines. He had another name while in the Marines. Those that know "The Major" should easily pick him out of this photo while he was just "The Lieutenant." My best estimate is this is Viet Nam, late 60's.After retiring and moving into teaching (Marine JROTC) he became "The Major" and has since gone on to a few other names as well (keep reading). At one point he was actually a juggling clown in Shrine parades. I don't recall his Clown name.
These days he often goes by "Pops" (my mother is "Nana"). Both of these were due to my nephews being born. I have two cousins who used to refer to my grandparents (my father's parents) and MeeMaw and PeePaw and it irritated my father to hear HIS father called "PeePaw." So when time arrived for my brother's first child my parents were asked what they wanted to be called. (My grandmother is still called "Granny" much to the confusion of her great grand children.)This is Christmas dinner last month. Clockwise around the table from the bottom: My grandmother, JP (my Uncle-in law), JP's friend (who makes amazing cakes), Aunt Pam (JP's daughter), my father (hiding) and my mother.
The reason I bring this up today is that probably around the time I am posting this message, My father is likely to be rolling into surgery. They tell me it's "routine" surgery. My grandmother got a pacemaker beck before Christmas and I was told that was "routine" as well. I am sorry but to me any time you cut into a human being to remove or add things, that's not routine. It's not like if the doctor has an "oops" moment, the table vibrates and buzzes and my father's nose lights up.
This morning my father is due to have a knee replaced. His other knee may not be that far off. He probably could have done with new knees several years ago. His knee has been wrecked for years. But those who know the Jennette's know we're incredibly stubborn. Sometimes we're too stubborn. I suspect my father was just too stubborn to let gravity win and just fall down. Until he went to fight in Gettysburg.
Yes, my father's latest passion is Civil War reenacting. Of course it fits right in with his love of the military and history and the Civil War. Somewhere along the lines he's picked up "Jake" as his reenacting name. He now uses that name in regular conversations, which I find hilarious. He's been quoted as "Jake" in several papers and magazines on reenacting. (He has his story on where "Jake" comes from, but to me, "Jake" was the neighbor's dog in Conyers.)
There is no truth to the rumor that, since my brother now technically outranks my father in the (real) military that my father rejoined the (reenacting) military simply to "one up" my brother. It comes as no surprise that "Jake" quickly moved up through the ranks and made General last year. (Or as I like to call it "Pretend General")
When you are a General you ride a horse. Horses are very tall. My father is not very tall. This was a concern. Eventually they found a nice old tired horse for "General Jake" to ride. I use the term "ride" loosely as most of the time they just stand around and look at the battle. Jake uses hay bales to get on and off his horse.
Well, long story short, back in July while at the Gettysburg reenactment, The General and his horse got into one of those little "you go left.. no I'll go left.. no you go left.. oops!" sort of moments you see on Funniest Home Videos. Normally, laughter ensues. Unfortunately this left my father on the ground with a busted knee. The next few months of tests and treatments (think of taking your car in for an oil change and lube) were not effective so he gets a brand new knee today.
While he's been waiting for this latest "fix" he's been walking with a "cane." It's black, got a million knots on it, and probably should be registered as a weapon. I suspect during his rehab and therapy he'll keep carrying it. Just in case anyone gets out of line.
Pops and JP recovering from Christmas dinnerThe reason I am posting this is, of course, to ask for you to throw some happy thoughts and prayers this way today and over the next few weeks of therapy. Partly for my father but also for the people who have to put up with him. (Just kidding. Kind of.)
Speaking of that, a brief update on my mother. She's done the occasional part time work with the nursing program at her local college. But her full time job lately seems to be putting up with my father, or helping out my grandmother. And now that my brother, his wife, and their three boys are out of the country, she's been spending time with her sisters. She does the reenacting stuff with Pops as long as its not too hot or too cold. She's also been making my father's uniforms and her reputation as a civil war seamstress is growing. Since it has to be 100% period materials, that's no easy task. And that stuff can be outlandishly expensive. I figure that enough for now.
Let this post also serve as a warning to those who has come to feel "safe" over the years with the knowledge that "The Major" was getting older and slower and a long way away (Jimmy. Chris.) My father's got a new knee and you only need one good knee to kick someones butt. Once he gets his other knee he'll be completely mobile again. And as you know he can show up anytime anywhere and without warning, just like a ninja. My best advice is to stay out of trouble and keep your eyes open.
Now that I think about it, after posting those pictures, I am going to start running now and get a head start.

Putting the Wraps on Macon

2009-01-18T19:00:00.000-05:00

Most of my visits to Macon these days are to visit with old friends. The first part of my time in Macon was visiting with friends I'd lost over the years, and old places I miss.
Not all of my friends in Macon are gone, of course. In fact I would be staying this trip with my brother Eric and his wife Greta. Eric is of course one of my closest fraternity brothers.The irony of staying at Eric's house is that I actually used to live around the corner from him.The first floor screened porch on the left was my apartment for about two years. I learned several lessons while I lived there:

When you rent an apartment, only rent what you need, not what you can afford.
I detest hardwood floors.
I hate upstairs neighbors who like to go to Whiskey River in the middle of the week and then come home at 3am in their cowboy boots and stomp around drunk for 2 hours.

Directly across the street from my apartment as Rembert Ave. When I first started at Mercer it was well known that you could buy whatever "recreational party favors" you needed down on Rembert. Thankfully, Mercer has finally cleaned that neighborhood up and it's a really neat place to live now. If only Mercer could go ahead and buy the entire city of Macon and clean it up as well.
While I am in town I try to get out to see my barber. Prior to starting college my mother was really the only person who cut my hair. I have tempermental hair. It's thick and can be unruly and I have a ferocious cowlick that will leap out at you if you don't know what you are doing. It took a while before I finally gave in and found a barber in Macon. And he continued to cut my hair for about the following 17 years. Once you find a good barber and a good bartender, you should never let go of them without a fight. They tend to know everything and everyone, and can keep you from looking like an idiot.Bill and his neice Michelle have always been very good to me over the years and when I get back to town they welcome me back with open arms. I have said it before and I'll say it again: customer service is the only way to get and keep customers. When you make someone feel welcome they'll keep coming back.
And speaking of loyalty and customer service. My last day in Macon was Thursday. What do you do on Thursday in Macon? Well you eat at Krystal of course. The problem is that my Krystal is closed. That wasn't really a problem though because I kenw where the Krystal with the best customer service would be: Bernida's in Warner Robins.When my Krystal closed they scattered the employees all over Macon but Bernida was sent down to the Watson Blvd store in Warner Robins. It seemed a bit odd, but now that I've been there and talked to Bernida, I understand. The Watson store was not doing so well. Bernida is one of the best store managers Krystal has so who better to whip it into shape?
As I sat there eating my lunch I smiled at the familiar voice that rose over everything as Bernida laid down the law:
"Drive thru, you're killing my service time!"
"My customers are growing cobwebs waiting on their food."
"Grill, when you hear them placing their order, you should be making their order. We wait on customers, they don't wait on us!"
It felt sort of like home. I miss the good old days. Apparently Bernida has a vacation schedule right about now (mid January) and she's got to get that store in shape to survive without her being there. If anyone can do it, it's Bernida, but if anyone needs a vacation it's Bernida. She's the best. The minute they figure out this cloning thing, Krystal needs to klone Bernida and put one in every store.
before they do that, though, they made need to have some remedial english classes. I was saddened as I drove away to see this:Yes I know I'm prone to typos in my blog. Sue me. I type fast but I type poorly. I accept that.
The problem here is "Krystal" is spelled correctly on the sign in HUGE letters like 6 feet above. Not to mention it's written all over pretty much everything. ARGH!
Thankfully I had one of the new (at the time) Mint Chocolate Milkquakes to help me cool off.And let there be no doubt. It is minty and chocolately, and it'll cool you off for sure. If you could drink a frozen Girlscout thin mint, this is what it would taste like.And by "frozen Girlscout thin mint" I mean a frozen cookie, not a frozen Girlscout.

DTV Transition

2009-01-10T09:18:00.001-05:00

While I was in Macon (and more specifically while I was out of Wilmington) I got a view of "TV in the rest of the world." When I say the rest of the world, I am of course talking about all you suckers who haven't gone to DTV yet. You may recall, Wilmington was the world's biggest Guinea Pig for the DTV Transition back in September. You can read my posts about it here.
The bottom line is, in Wilmington we were getting the occasional national ads that the rest of the country saw and ignored saying the transition was in February 2009. We were getting bombarded locally by ads trying to explain that the national ads were lying to us, and the transition would happen in early September.
In addition, all cable companies are required by law to remind all of their customers in monthly statements about the transition. (Which is stupid since Cable customers are not affected.) These cable reminded have to keep going until like 6 months AFTER the national transition. I do my banking online, so I only have to deal with a monthly email (which I now have automatically filtered to the trash). But I found it annoying that the cable company BASED IN WILMINGTON could not determine that they were providing me cable IN WILMINGTON and stop sending me the reminders already. ARGH!
Anyway, the biggest thing I got out of the whole DTV transition is this: your government and the FCC thinks you are an idiot. They want to explain every POSSIBLE problem to you in the most detailed technical terms they can. In other words, the FCC thinks everyone is stupid and they're trying to scared children and the elderly.
Cable companies have of course jumped on board by trying to make you believe that you HAVE to get cable to avoid Armageddon. They're also trying to trick you into thinking that DTV is the same as HDTV. It's not.
Dr. Anderson, one of the smartest people I know, sent along this little clip a few months back and asked if the Transition in Wilmington was anything similar to it. Most folks will laugh at the clip thinking it's a joke. It's not. This is what you are facing in about 5 weeks.
If the link above does not play click hereWatch this clip 5 or 6 times. After you've laughed your butt off, listen to what the announcer is saying. It's real, and it's accurate, and it's the stuff they're going to be shoving down your throat soon.
I've had the ultra easy way to deal with this for a while, by simply counting how many cables are coming out of the back of your TV. Courtney made it even easier. You ask one simple question:Are you getting a cable TV or satellite TV bill?
If you are, you're fine and disregard this message.
If not you will probably have a problem.Personally I think they should have had ALL TV stations around the country run a test. Flip of analog and flip on digital. For a long period of time. Personally I think the best time would have been during one or all of the Presidential debates. (Watching the black and white ant riot in TV would probably have been more useful.)
All I can say is, get ready. It's coming. The transition is nothing to worry about. It's your insane government (especially the FCC) along with the cable and satellite TV providers you should worry about. The economy stinks, they all want your money, and if they scare you enough, you'll hand it over to them.
Oh the DTV converter box coupons? Sure, you can get one. But not right now. They've run out of them. You should have heard Tasha's recap of the meeting they had up at Kmart on Friday about how to handle the coupons. If you thought "black Friday" after Thanksgiving was bad, wait til you see "Digital Tuesday."
In closing, I leave you with this question to ponder:And why is the national transition at midnight while the Wilmington "test" was noon?
Is someone scared?

This is closure?

2008-12-30T00:20:00.004-05:00

My first stop upon arrival in Macon actually wasn't to find Penny's grave. Penny was my third stop. My first stop was to visit my friend Preston who is in a different cemetery. I'd been unable to get by on my last couple of trips and a visit was long overdue. I don't have any pictures of that stop for two reasons. First of all you can search my blog for Preston and find pictures already. The second reason is that while visiting with Preston, one of the cemetery workers came down the hill to tell me a funeral would be coming through in about 10 minutes if I wouldn't mind at least moving my car. Riverside Cemetery has lots of roads running through it but they are only one car wide. I usually try to take a moment to clean off an of the debris (leaves, branches, acorns) that tends to gather and let him know when I plan to be back. This was the first time I'd ever been "rushed" out of there and I just left feeling unsettled. Sort of like having a good conversation interrupted and you never get a chance to get back to it.
From Riverside Drive I headed up to Vineville Avenue to see something I didn't really WANT to see, but that I needed to see.It is true. I cannot live in denial anymore. My Krystal is closed.In fact if you didn't know it, you probably wouldn't know it was a Krystal. There is NOTHING left that says Krystal. All signage is gone. The chairs and tables and basic cooking fixtures are there but everything else is gone. Even the Krystal Logos that used to be on the door handles are gone. The entire drive thru menu is gone.

Gone

As I drove around Macon over the next few days, I began to notice a lot of places had closed. Some that had been around for as long as I can remember. I knew Macon was going down hill when I left a year and a half ago, but coming back after being gone so long really opened my eyes.
This was my friend Natasha's house.I jokingly tell people that I "escaped from Macon." It sounds funny. But the longer I think about it, the more I realize that I got out at perhaps the best possible time. I will still return to visit very dear friends who still live there. I certainly have a lot of history in that city. Every time I go back it gets more and more obvious that I no longer have a future in Macon.

Finding old friends in Macon

2008-12-28T17:04:00.004-05:00

My last trip to Macon was back around the end of July. That was when they closed down my Krystal on Vineville, Ave. It was a spur of the moment trip, not well planned, and I left town with a lot of stuff unresolved.
My friend Penny died back in early May. (If you search my blog for Penny, you can read the posts about her.) Due to work issues and final exams, I was unable to make the funeral. While I was back in town in July to went to try and track down her grave. I knew the cemetery since her father had been buried there a 5-10 years earlier. I spoke to the man at the office and he told me that, since it was a Saturday morning, it was probably going to be a difficult task. He said if I would come on a weekday there'd be someone there would could easily get the information.
At that point, one of the grave diggers stopped by the office. (Do they still even use that job title? maybe "interment facilitators?)
I was amazed that when I mentioned the name, he knew roughly when she'd been buried. He remembered it was a rainy day. He knew the day of the week. He knew vaguely how old she was. He knew there's been a hospital stay and some sort of illness. When the office found a possible location, the grave specialist led me out there in his front end loader. Almost immediately upon arrival he said it wasn't right. He was very sure she wasn't buried in the ground but instead in the mausoleum. About chest height he said. We went down to the mausoleum and looked around but were unable to find it. I went home after that trip with a lot of unresolved feelings. Both at the loss of my Krystal and my inability to find my friend.
This trip to Macon I vowed would not be the same. Within 5 minutes of stopping by the office, I had a yellow post it note in hand with Penny's location:

Penny Cato
Water's Edge Mausoleum
Far right hand wall
Level C

I drove to the back where the mausoleum was. You actually have to walk thru the chapel and out the back then down stairs to the new section. Sure enough, just as the grave digger had said, there was Penny. About chest height.
She really does have a very nice view that will improve if the drought ever eases up.I am now, as I was then, speechless.
The poem is The Broken Chain, author unknown.

Hey, you got a Minute?

2008-12-25T22:38:00.005-05:00

If you mention the drive from Macon to Savannah, most people who have done the drive will immediately go into a deep sleep. I have driven a lot of miles on a lot of interstates and I have to say I-16 is one of the most boring. It is standard practice to fill up your gas tank at one end or the other because isn't much in between. Except Dublin.
Dublin is a small town about 30 minutes southeast of Macon. It burst on the scene back in 1996 when the rest of Middle Georgia was completely screwing up in dealing with the Olympics in Atlanta. (Don't get me started on THAT one!)
While all the talk of "Redneck Olympics" was offending some people, a radio station in Dublin embraced it and the result is the now world famous The Redneck Games, technically held in East Dublin. I have been twice. It is interesting to say the least. On my drive from Brunswick to Macon, I had to drive past Dublin on I-16. When you've been up half the night watching Emily's Toybox, any excuse to get off I-16 for a bit is a good excuse. I was not stopping for the Redneck Games, of course. I was stopping because of a "square burger sighting."
When I first got inducted into the Krystal Lover's Hall Of Fame, lots of people began telling me other small and/or square burger places. I became fascinated and started to hunt them down. I've reviewed a few here before. I had heard a few times of a place called "Jack's" down in Dublin, GA. The only thing I could find on the Internet about Jacks was that it had questionable sanitation ratings. That doesn't scare me, of course, since I also have questionable sanitation ratings. (Just kidding, mom.)
The problem, however, is finding Jack's. Up until VERY recently there were absolutely no listings for a Jack's in Dublin. Sure if you search you'll find a place that sells fish and a grocery store, but they're not hamburger places. I was stumped so a few years ago I turned to my Dublin Connection, Syd.
It would take entirely too long to explain my relationship with Syd, so I won't even try. She lives in Dublin, though, so I asked her about Jack's. She seemed a bit confused. When I mentioned small hamburgers, she replied "Oh, you mean Minute Grill." I searched and there it was! Success. I now knew sort of where it was, but sadly, never made a trip to visit. Until now.
Dublin has a "town square" that's actually an oval. It took two very slow laps before I managed to locate Minute Grill. It's not easy to find since it is a true "hole in the wall."
A poor quality picture I totally ripped off Google Maps StreetviewFinding parking was easy since it was about 2pm and well after lunch time. I entered to find a very small place with maybe 6 or 8 booths and a long counter with several stools. This could have easily been a scene from an early Krystal. The menu was short and simple.You step to the counter, place your order, and they write it down on scraps of paper. Mine says "#2 AW Chez, Here" which is obviously three cheeseburgers, all the way, with fries and a Coke, to dine in.Unlike Krystal, where "All The Way" normally means simple "Add Ketchup" at Minute Grille they have a hot sauce they add. I was a bit nervous at first. But it's not really HOT it just gives a little tangy taste to your food. Everything is cooked fresh while you watch. And the fries are piping hot and crispy good. You serve your own beverage from the Coke fountain and they had the mix just right. I went back twice.I could easily have eaten more than 3. However, I was eager to get back on the road. And besides it's the Minute Grill, not the Hour Grill. I will be back at some point in the future, though. First of all Syd has offered to join me the next time I stop by. But even more important than that is that a closer inspection of the Minute Menu reveals some other treasures.Left Side

Right Side
The bottom picture gives the standard selections: the hot dog combinations of chili, cheese, slaw, etc. The right side shows single, double, and triple burgers, with and without cheese. What attracted my attention was on the left side (top picture) on the far left: "Donna's Special." I know what a scrambled dog is. I've even posted here about my love for Nu-Way's Scrambled Dog in Macon and my attempts to recreate it with Krystal Pups.
What is new and interesting is that the menu mentions a "Scrambled Burger." I can only assume this is a burger smothered in chili. Oh yes, I have to go back to Minute Grill.
I have since confirmed, upon my return and preparing for this post, that Minute Grill is NOT Jack's as I had assumed. I contacted Syd to let her know I'd been in town and mentioned it. She has never heard of Jack's and she's grown up in Dublin. The mystery deepens. However, Jack's does now show up on Google Maps, and is apparently less than a block from Minute Grill. So I believe my next trip to Dublin, GA, I'll be "Dublin' Up" on some mini burgers. Minute Grill for a Scrambled Burger, then around the corner to Jack's for a burger of questionable sanitation. Yummy!

Deaf and hungry in Brunswick

2008-12-24T08:03:00.000-05:00

Second stop on my southern tour was Brunswick, Georgia. Purely by luck, Emily's Toybox happened to be coming through on their way back from Key West. I haven't seen the guys live since the month I moved to Wilmington, so I was way past due.
Sadly, my ETB Buddy, Jen wouldn't be able to make the trip so I was flying solo. I tried to make hotel reservations at the same Days Inn we usually stay at. But there was a problem. You can play along if you like. Simply go here: Days Inn Reservations. Search for hotel rooms in Brunswick, GA. Doesn't matter what date you pick. You'll find 2 hotels listed. You'll notice one (the one at 5033 New Jesup Hwy/I-95) shows no rooms available. Back up and try another date. Try some more. Go ahead. Won't hurt nothing. Got another favorite web site for renting hotel rooms? Try them, too.
I seem to recall the last time I went down there I ran into this problem and finally called the hotel. Plenty of rooms, and they seemed quite confused as to why it was saying they had no rooms. Apparently no one at Days inn cares THAT much about renting out rooms.
Lucky for me though it forced me to look around a bit and I landed a FANTASTIC rate for a La Quinta just down the street from the Days Inn. I've been a big La Quinta since way back in about 1996 when I started following Macon's hockey team around the southeast. Sadly, La Quinta decided to start shifting into the "Inns and Suites" and priced themselves out of my (cheap-o) price range. But for this one time it was a bargain.
I arrived early. I took a shower. I realized I'd forgotten to pack earplugs, so I stopped off at a drug store and then hit the bar. Last time Jen and I were up there we went in early to get a good seat and also to get a bite to eat. We discovered that the hot wings at Bourbon Street were fantastic. They were dry but spicy. Crispy and delicious. I'd been craving them since I hit the GA Border.
I walked into the nearly empty bar and the girl behind the counter asked if I wanted anything to drink. I told her I might as well get an early start and ordered a Mike's Hard Lemonade. When she brought it to me I asked if I could also get a menu. There was a long pause and she said those 5 painful words:We don't serve food anymore.Scroll up and try the link to Bourbon Street and read it for yourself. It took a moment to sink in. I already have a cold beverage in hand, just waiting to drown some delicious hot wings, and they're never going to arrive.
I am sure my look of sadness mixed with confusion made her feel sympathy for me as she began to offer me options. Places down the block, across the street, etc. I really didn't hear her, I was in my own wingless world of despair. I took one long swig of my drink and asked "What's closest?"
"There's a pool hall at the other end of this shopping center. You can walk there and back."
I left my jacket on the back of my chair. I left my drink on the bar (surrounded by tear of sorrow, I am sure). I walked to the pool hall at the other end of the shopping center. I haven't been in a pool hall in a while. I'd rather not have to go back to one again. Frankly, the pool chalk was probably more delicious than my dinner. Thank goodness Mike's will wash down anything.
When I got back to Bourbon Street, I saw that the band had begun to arrive.As usual, the last to arrive and tune up is Mike. Mike's got himself a brand new guitar.Yes that's a pink Hello Kitty guitar. I suspect Mike catches a lot of crap for his choice of instruments. But then again, Mike seems to have no problem dishing it back out.While the following picture give you a glimpse of Greg's "Doody Free" t-shirt, I want you to pay particular attention to the gentlemen to the right of the stage.Let's face it, ETB concerts tend to get rowdy. Bars tend to have people drinking too much. Eventually the two combine to create problems. At least three people were ejected from the bar for either bringing and promptly spilling their drinks on the dance floor (that's the 4' wide wooden space in front of the band) or for slam dancing and running into the band and their monitor. Sadly, things continued to get drunk and rowdy and I almost didn't get my picture with the band.
Todd, Greg, Wade, Me and MikeIt seems that after last call, a scuffle broke out back in the back near the bathrooms. Then someone shouted those magic words:He hit a girl!!In the south, those words rank up there with "He spit on your mother" and "He's in the Taliban." Something flowed through the crowd at a genetic level as every guy in the place stood up and began to move in that direction.
Gentlemen, it's a very simple rule: Boys do not hit girls. I have heard there are exceptions to that rule, like if you're both under 6 years old, or if she's your sister. I am sorry. There are no exceptions.
I am sad to report that a girl did, in fact get smacked. Hard. The paramedics were on scene in about 15 minutes. The cops were there in 10. Several large men I can only assume are bouncers were there in 30 seconds, and 2 or 3 "gentlemen" were eating wallpaper moments later.
I made my way around the crowd and told the guys I'd rather get a quick picture with them now rather than two photos with numbers under my face down at the county lockup. We shook hands and spoke briefly and I assured them I'd get them a list of a few Wilmington bars in hopes that next time they go to Key West, they'll stop by a bit closer to me. That 5-6 hour drive is murder.
P.S. You've already seen Greg's shirt, and Mike's is easy to read. Wade's says "Smurfee." I leave it to you to figure out what Todd's says. It's not kid-friendly. ETB's T-shirts, while always hilarious, are rarely kid friendly. Much like their concerts.

A Jacksonville Christmas

2008-12-23T18:05:00.004-05:00

With Sunday set aside for "Christmas around the house" day, Monday went the other way. The morning started by taking Courtney's son Sean to school, and then on to breakfast. A neat little place I don't remember the name of and could never hope to find again. After that Courtney had an appointment. Then there was a stop made for Krystals. Oh yes, you know there would be Krystals.These aren't the Krystals I got with Courtney. These are the 2 Krystal and 2 Chiks I got on Sunday in Pooler, GA on the way to Courtney's. I got 4 cheese add ketchup with Courtney and since it was about 11am, they were fresh, hot and delicious.
Monday was the last day to see Santa at the mall and Courtney always take Sean. So we returned home briefly to retrieve cameras, and Santa hats, then returned to pick up Sean and go to the mall. Yes, less than a week to go til Christmas and we attempted to go see Santa at the mall.
The problem with the annual Santa trips is that Sean is not fond of Santa. Sean is Claus-traphobic. Courtney's been working with him since Thanksgiving and they struck a deal. She'd sit on Santa's lap first to show Sean it was OK and then Sean would go. I didn't get any pictures of Courtney in Santa's lap but I distinctly heard her ask for a new washer and dryer. (Kinda makes my monkey bathroom coordinates gifts look a bit sad, eh?)After our Santa trip, there was dinner. Somewhere in there ornaments went up on the tree and suddenly it was getting close to Sean's bed time. That means, of course, bath, then stories, and the newest addition to the bedtime routine, Viewmaster!
Who knew they still made Viewmasters? And were the stories really that pitiful when I was a kid? Sheesh, no plot, no set up, barely any resolution. I realise with only 4 reels of 7 frames, you can't put together the Lord of the Rings, but geeze. Thankfully I got to read one of my favorites to Sean.He requested I skip the part where the Seagull drops the bucket of orange paint on Mr. Plumbean's house (and no one knows why.) After reading The Big Orange Splot,I took a play from ol Santa's book and asked if it was Courtney's turn to sit on my lap and read stories and do viewmaster. Courtney ran away.What's Santa got that I don't? Other than access to a new washer and dryer. Actually the main purpose for that last picture was for you to notice that Courtney does, in fact, have monkeys around her house. So no one will think I am crazy for giving her so many monkeys.
After monkeys and presents and Santa and the mall, my very short time in Jacksonville had run out. So taking one last page out of Santa's playbook, I packed up my sleigh for my next stop.
And they heard me exclaim as I rode out of sight:Monkeys 'n Krystals to all, and to all a good night!

Lessons learned from Christmas with Sean

2008-12-22T19:11:00.003-05:00

My first stop of Jason's 2008 Christmas Tour was Jacksonville, Fl to visit with my friend Courtney and her son Sean. Unlike last year, I was only able to spend one day with them, due to work commitments. But heck, one day is better than none, and since I had a huge pile of Christmas presents to deliver, it was worth it for postage alone!
Since I only had one night in town, the Christmas presents were rolled out very early. Last year's presents were more or less a crap shoot. This time I had an entire year to plot and plan. The stakes were higher. (Of course the steaks from Ruth's Chris last year probably set an unmatchable standard.) I had never really done a Christmas for a 4 year old. Sure I have 3 nephews, but usually I can get away with gift cards. Not so this year. When it was all said and done I learned a few very valuable lessons that hopefully you can benefit from this Christmas and beyond:
Lessons #1: Don't spend a lot of time wrapping the presents. Four year olds don't care.Lesson #2: Do not use clear packing tape on the boxes. It slows four year olds down and is a real bummer.Lesson #3: After the 3rd box of "bathroom coordinates" even a four year old catches on. And no matter how many times you say "Hey look! Monkeys!" You'll never get their attention. (Until Courtney pulls out the secret hidden Transformers.)Lessons #4: Bubble wrap and styrofoam packing peanuts trump monkey bath coordinates and Transformers.Lessons #5: Courtney likes monkeys just as much as Sean, but she's not easily distracted by styrofoam packing peanuts or Transformers. (She did have to take a minute to pop some bubble wrap.)I have also come to the conclusion that Courtney is either the greatest actress on Earth or she doesn't REALLY read my blog. With each box of monkey bathroom stuff that Sean opened, Courtney seemed genuinely surprised and excited. Despite the fact that I had made no less than 3 "monkey bathroom coordinates" phone calls to her and made two blog posts here and here, Courtney never wavered in her surprise.
I choose to believe that I am the king of smooth and pulled off the best Christmas surprise ever. And there's nothing you or anyone can do to convince me otherwise.

Saturday Plans

2008-12-10T18:11:00.002-05:00

This probably doesn't need much explanation other than to say you'll need to click on it to see the picture full sized.

The Pirate Solution

2008-12-06T09:19:00.000-05:00

My solution to the current rash of pirate problems worldwide actually starts with my parents. My mother wants to go on a cruise. She's wanted to go for years. My father is hesitant. I suspect that, as a retired Marine, he's already been on plenty of "cruises." All expenses paid by Uncle Sam. But rather than all you can eat five star dining, he ate "chow" off an aluminum tray. Rather than luxury staterooms with balconies, he was stacked 5 high in bunks with a lot of other smelly Marines. That is certainly not what you see advertised on the TV commercials for Carnival Cruises or Royal Caribbean. I can understand his hesitation.
When I was hearing reports of pirates attacking ships on the open sea, I wondered, like everyone else, why no one was there to defend them. Who would protect all those ocean going vessels? Well the answer came to me immediately: The Marines. As you saw in my last post, they've done it before.
It's really the obvious choice. While the Marine Corps today seems to be everywhere doing everything around the world, their true roots were very simple: provide support and protection for United States Navy ships. Thus the name: Marines.
The earliest Marines were trained as Naval Sharpshooters. In fact if you get a good look at the "cover" (hat) of an Marine Officer's dress uniform you'll see a strange ropelike symbol called a quatrefoil. You can sort of see them here. In the early days of Naval warfare, you didn't want to be down on deck fighting and have one of your own Marine sharpshooters raining bullets on you. So the simple elegant solution was to gather some rope (always handy on board a ship) and put the braided rope design on top of your head for them to see. More or less a "Don't Shoot" signal to those who aim from above. Almost everything on a Marine's uniform has a history and tradition. That happens to be one of my favorite.
So with the thought that Marines are bred to defend ships at sea, it is the obvious choice to defend our ships against pirates. The problem is, there are not a lot of Marines on active duty (thus "The Few, The Proud") and those that are have been tied up in other conflicts for over a decade. But then it hit me:Free annual cruises for retired MarinesWhile this may seem expensive, if you see the amount of money that is being given to pirates, you'll see that this is a bargain to cruise lines.
I realize that simply putting Retired Marines on board a ship isn't going to stop some attacks, so we need to "sweeten" the deal. Marines who bring their own rifle on board get free ammo for the entire cruise. Marines may also rent firearms on board the ship if they desire.
Of course there will have to be rules. Rifles will have to be secured when not in use. Shooting under the influence will not be tolerated. Shooting will only be allowed from designated areas and during designated times. Also, you may only shoot at other vessels that have been deemed a threat by the Captain.
Can you imagine the joy that would go through the entire ship when the public address system comes on: "This is your Captain speaking. Leathernecks, please report to the Lido deck, with your firearm. We have potential pirates off the port side."
What do you think Punjab the Somali pirate will be thinking when 300+ old angry Marines pop up out of portholes, balconies, and over the railings with more guns than the entire Somali Army?
I don't want to leave the other services, or their veterans out. If this program proves successful, I think every serviceman should be given a free cruise upon their separation from the service. Heck, you could even load the ship up with doctors and nurses and psychologists to help those recently out of the war zone with any post traumatic problems or health issues they may have.
I know that some of the pirates are bringing in heavy artillery that may have a longer range than the typical rifle. So we can allow government contractors to come on board and demonstrate their latest weapons technology. Let the soldiers on board try them out, offer suggestions, and see the future of combat. Akbar the pirate in his fishing boat probably won't last very long with Marines and laser guided shoulder launched high explosive rockets taking pot shots at him.
Yes, I know some will say we can have armed civilians running rampant off the coast of Africa. What exactly do you think the pirates are? On the contrary, the UN has given any country the right to send armed vessels into Somali waters with advanced notice.
If the pirates are dumb enough to come into international waters, then it's fair game. There is no need to fear. The reason pirates get away with what they are doing is that no one appears to have any real authority in international waters. As soon as an organization steps forward and claims authority, they should begin with the pirates.
Should this idea catch on, I fully expect there to be cruise ships lined up bow to stern along the Somali coast, just waiting for anyone to dip a toe in the water. Cargo and other ships will start to actively recruit Marines and arm them for "ride alongs." The tide will turn for the pirates. (Yes, pun intened.)
Fish carefully, my friend. There's a death ship anchored off the coast and it is full of armed, dangerous, angry men. Try not to look like a pirate.
So tell me, what cruise sounds like more fun: Pirate Hunting or Whale Watching?

Solving the pirate problem

2008-12-05T09:21:00.000-05:00

Pirates have been in the news a lot lately. Everyone is talking about pirate.
I'm don't mean the various Johnny Depp Pirates either.
There are several problems with dealing with the current rash of high seas pirates. Not the least among them is that fact that, along with Johnny Depp, Walt Disney, and evenMajor League Baseball all want to romanticize Pirates. As the risk of upsetting my brother and sis-in-law, both devoted Parrotheads even Jimmy Buffet sings longingly about pirates.
Trust me, there is nothing endearing, loving, or honorable about pirates. The reason these myths continue is that for most Americans, pirates are either "ancient history" or stuff that happens "over there." Add to that the fact that America's historical pirates are relative lightweights in the world of piracy, and it's no wonder people don't seem to have any urge to deal with the issue.
It boils down to this: If today's pirates were doing on land what they are currently doing on the open ocean, there would be a worldwide outcry, and they'd all be hunted down and destroyed. Instead they continue to commit acts of terrorism and extort MILLIONS from countries and companies around the world. Because the events happen in international waters, everyone looks the other way and hopes someone else will fix it. How's that solution working so far, eh?
I have the solution to this problem. It's simple, and inexpensive. And since none of the governments around the world seem to have any interest in fixing real problems, I once again step forward to offer my simple solution. Before we can solve a problem, though, we must first understand the problem. We need a bit of back story.
Pirates are nothing new for the United States. We have had to deal with them before, over 200 years ago. There was The First Barbary War followed by The Second Barbary War. In reading about the two wars you'll find a comment trend from then to now. People prefer the less messy method to deal with pirates: Pay Them off. It takes a long time, a lot of money, and many lives, to realize, just like roaches, terrorists, and other vermin, you cannot deal with pirates diplomatically.
Thomas Jefferson knew this. He also stepped forward and dealt with the problem.
You can read in the links that the First Barbary War was when the Marine Corps reputation first began to grow. Names like Presley N. O'Bannon and the famous line from the Marine Corps Hymn, "To the shores of Tripoli" all stem from that conflict. The little know Barbary Wars were actually very important steps not just for the Marines, but for our country in becoming a world power.

We stepped up when challenged.
We fought a sustained war on the other side of the world.
We won, and in some cases we won in a dramatic fashion.

If you compare this list to our current international situations, you can see where a lot of my heartburn comes from. Those in charge of our country have turned us into international sissies.
You'll find it of interest in Jefferson's writings that Muslim and Islamic extremists were tied in with the pirates in the early 1800's. If you see a common thread with today's world: congratulations. You're not as clueless as most Americans and the majority of politicians. The rise in piracy and the rise in terrorism are not just linked, they are the same thing. The difference is one is on land and one on the sea. (If those words sound familiar, it's because they were intended to.)
Jefferson's solution was simple: Stop paying pirates. Start killing pirates.
Much like the Second Barbary war, the US is currently stretched a bit thin fighting 2 other wars. I have already explained the simple solution to solving the wars quickly, but many in Washington DEPEND on the international turmoil to rally their supporters and keep themselves in office. (Those in the other party depend on DOMESTIC turmoil to rally their base, to keep themselves in office.)
I don't care about "rallying the base." I just want the problem solved. And problem solving is what I do best.
So we have now analysed the problem and found the following: Pirates are bad. Paying off pirates is expensive and doesn't work. The only way pirates have ever been effectively dealt with before is through force. Those in Washington and the United Nations do not understand the effective use of force. Those in Washington and the UN feel they have little to gain, personally, from solving the piracy problem, so they won't.Tomorrow: The Piracy Solution

It's a Tau Thing. You wouldn't understand.

2008-12-02T23:32:00.003-05:00

One of the first things I did once I had made the decision to move to Wilmington was to find the nearest ATO Chapter. It was with a heavy heart that I was leaving behind my beloved Alpha Zeta Chapter at Mercer. But I figured there are ATO's everywhere so I just needed to find the ones where I was headed.
I placed a call to ATO Headquarters. I explained I was moving to Wilmington and looking to find an ATO Chapter in the area. They asked my name again and then there was a long pause and I was asked to hold. The next person I spoke to was the director of expansion.
You know it's going to be an interesting call when you are greeted with "Thank God you called, Jason. We need your help!" Apparently they remember me from helping get my chapter back up and running back in about 1999-2000. It turns out ATO had set up a Colony here at UNC Wilmington back in 2006. For various reasons they weren't making progress. There were even thoughts of pulling the plug on the colony.
Arrangements were quickly made to bring me in as soon as the school year started and I would serve as an advisor to the colony and get them rolling. Last year was a lot of frustration and growing pains. The number of members they ended the year with was about the same as the number they started with. And that was less than 1/3 of what they had to have to charter. I did not have high hopes.
But something clicked this summer. I don't know what it was. I think there was a hint of thing when the colony had the highest GPA out all of the fraternities on campus. That is essentially like your JV Team beating your Varsity squad. It made everyone else sit up and take notice. it also pissed some of them off. Good. Welcome to life in "the other fraternity."
They began the year by somehow recruiting almost 17 new members before Rush even started, and continued to pick up new members. When you ask the President how many guys they've picked up and he says he's not sure cause they keep coming out of the woodwork. That's a good thing.
The last I heard they were over 40 members. As a colony.
They've put on several huge philanthropies. As a colony.
The only thing left to do it turn the Colony into a Chapter. That happens on December 13th. If you are an ATO want want to attend, let me know ASAP. A Chartering ceremony is a once in a lifetime event. Actually it's probably less often than that, since most ATO's never see one. This will be my second.
Due to scheduling conflicts they will not be able to have the traditional banquet that weekend. That's the weekend of final exams. So the banquet will be set for next semester. When I know those plans I will be sure to post them here. The banquet will be for members and non-members. I've heard talk of them trying to make this the biggest banquet in ATO history. Nothing I have seen from these guys leads me to think they'll do anything less. Besides, they're ATO's. They are destined to break records and change the world. That's what we do.

Home Stretch!

2008-12-01T09:02:00.003-05:00

Now that my brother and his family are out of the country, planning family events has gotten much less complicated. For the past 5+ years everyone in the family has had to have a dayplanner at all times. This Thanksgiving, no one planned anything. Everything just sort of fell together and there was no stress. No drama. No problems. Just family, food, and fun.
This morning, once the Thanksgiving induced haze had worn off, I realized:

Only 2 weeks of school left!

While most people would greet this thought with celebration, it brings a measure of dread for me. The end of the semester brings finals, grades, and whining students who have "suddenly" realized their grades are not as good as they had hoped. (Hope doesn't earn you an A, hard work does. Why is that so difficult to understand?)
Once I have survived the minefield of grades, though, it's finally Christmas Vacation. Twenty days to do whatever I want. Twenty days without any students. Twenty days that make the previous 120 days worth the trouble.
Like last year, I will again be doing a "southern tour" before Christmas eve. However, three things have complicated the start of my trip. To successfully navigate these new problems will require the moves of Mikhail Baryshnikov combined with the flexibility of Nadia Comăneci. It's time to dig out the old dusty Dayplanner and get to work.
The first issue has to do with the fact that I have a Friday class this semester. Obviously I cannot leave until after it's been taught on the 12th. And of course that day is also their final exam. The problem is that semester grades are required to be submitted within 24 hours of the end of the class. Since the class ends Friday at 4pm, one can only assume that grades will be due Monday by 4pm. Leaving Monday won't do at all.
The best I can do is to get all of my other classes done, and EVERYTHING done for the Friday class except for the final exam and semester grades. I doubt the registrars office will open on Saturday (though we do have classes that Saturday) so I am left hoping they'll stay open late on Friday. Since I'll be on the wrong campus, I'll have to grade, drive, and submit. It's like the worlds dumbest video game, or perhaps something like a rejected version of The Amazing Race.
I can't leave Saturday morning because of the second issue. There's a big fraternity event sometime Saturday. I'll give the details on that tomorrow when I have more time and hopefully more details.
Monday night, Emily's Toybox will be playing in Brunswick again. This will be the first time in over a year I've been able to get away to see them. I'd hoped to meet Courtney and my friend Jen there for the show. Then head south to visit Courtney and her son Sean the next day or two.
This is when the third issue pops up. Courtney's work schedule is a bit of a mess, so we have had to flip flop things. I go to Jacksonville on Sunday, then BACK north for the concert on Monday. Of course if I cannot get my grades in on Friday, then I have to skip the entire Jacksonville leg of the trip and go from Wilmington directly to Brunswick. Quite frankly, that would suck. So everyone keep your paws crossed that my students do well on their finals, because good work is easier to grade than bad work, and hope that I get all the grades done and in on time. (Yes, I know: Hope doesn't get grades in on time, hard work does. Stop using my lessons against me!)
Once I get out of Jacksonville it's north to Brunswick, GA for the concert on the 15th, and then to Middle GA for a couple of days. I'm not 100% sure when I'll be headed out of Macon, as I am waiting on feedback from friends in the area to plan the middle of my trip. I hope to catch up with Bernida, Brian, Eric, and perhaps even Kimber while I am in the area. I'll also visit my friend Preston's grave, and will certainly stop by my old Krystal for a moment of silence.
Then it's on to Chris' house for fun times with Josh! There's also a Christmas party on Saturday the 20th. Rumor has it that Nancy may be making a rare appearance this year. After spending a few years abroad in Europe, I wonder if she'll talk with a funny accent. (As if people from GA don't already have a funny accent.)
Finally, after a thousand or so miles, tons of fun, and likely a lot of great food, I will drag my carcass back to NC for a family Christmas minus, of course, my brother's family for the first time in ages.
While following Grade-Mania with a long road trip may seem insane to many folks, I happen to find road trips and travel very fun and relaxing. So the trip will probably be the best Christmas present I can give myself. And if gas stays cheap, it won't cost me a fortune!

The Lumpy Turkey

2008-11-25T09:17:00.002-05:00

Since I posted the story of the first Krystal Stuffing Thanksgiving, I figured I might as well go all the way and explain the other experiment that happened on that fateful holiday.
If you've been here long enough to follow my kitchen exploits, you know I like to use my kitchen as a laboratory. Every meal is an experiment. You hope for tasty results, but every result is a learning opportunity. The only problem is, sometimes it's hard to find people to eat your mistakes.
As I was gathering my recipes and laying out my plans to cook my Thanksgiving feast, I couldn't help but wonder about the turkey. We've all heard stories of the hours and hours of effort and waiting to cook the perfect turkey. Coming from the science standpoint I just couldn't understand the problem.
First off, we cook turkeys for two reasons: First of all to make it safe to consume. Second of all to make it tasty enough to consume.
Cooking is really all about adding heat into something. OK so that's an oversimplification, but in the case of a turkey that's really all there is to it. You don't have to mix, blend, or stir a turkey. Its goes in the oven, it cooks, it comes out of the oven. And since all we're concerned about is heat transfer, I know from my college science classesq = m(ΔT)CpOr for you non-scientists, this reads: amount of heat transferred = mass x change in temperature x specific heat.
I don't know the specific heat of a turkey, but that really isn't important. What we need is the ratio. The turkey's mass had better not change while we cook it. And it's specific heat doesn't change unless it stops being turkey. So we're left with the simple conclusion that the temperature and heat transferred are in direct proportion. In other words, if you want to cook your turkey faster, turn up the heat.
With a little research online (again this was back in the infancy of the Web) I stumbled on an article in the 1992 LA Times title "The Ultimate Turkey." They reprint the recipe here every Thanksgiving, but they don't reprint the article itself. Sadly, you miss the best parts!
The test kitchen started by trying to find the exact temperature that a turkey is done. The answers they got were all over the place:

The standard advice is 185°
The Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hotline says 180°

They then took a different approach by asking at what temperature are food borne bacteria are dead. Again the answers varied, but were all MUCH lower that 180-180°. Most answered in the 147-165° range. The 180° figure was apparently for "maximum palatability." Whatever that means.
So they got to work. They went with the assumption that 150° would be fine, and you tend to get 10° of "push" once you take something out of the oven and let it rest for 10 minutes or so. They cooked their first turkey at 325° for 7 minutes a pound, til it hit 145° and after letting it rest is was anywhere from 150-165°. Sadly, it was still too pink in places, so they went for their second try.
After a few more turkeys they eventually realized their problem: the stuffing inside the turkey. By the time it got cooked, the turkey was overcooked. There was simply no way around it. So they decided to abandon the stuffed turkey. They started cooking unstuffed turkeys and cranking the temperature. They cooked a 12.5 pounder at 500 degrees one hour and it was perfect. The fire alarm was annoying, but the turkey was perfect.
They then returned to the stuffing issue. What is Thanksgiving without stuffing? Their solution? Put the stuffing under the skin. This allows it to insulate the turkey to keep it from drying out, yet still allows the skin to crisp. Suddenly it all worked. They'd discovered "The Ultimate Turkey." I have a copy of that first article, and I've kept it all these years. The second half of the 8+ page article is different stuffing recipes. I didn't need those. I had Krystal Stuffing!
So on Thanksgiving morning, I took my turkey out of the fridge and let it slowly warm as I prepared my stuffing. I then began the slow process of loosening the skin of the turkey. You have to be very careful, slow, and patient, at the skin will want to split open.
Then I began to shove in my Krystal Stuffing. I had bought a small bird since it was just me, so I had more than enough stuffing. I probably overstuffed my turkey. And with the corners and edges of Krystal still clearly visible in the stuffing it left a lumpy, bump, alien looking turkey. But I am never very concerned with how food looks. The taste is the thing. And it tasted wonderful.
I have done the stuffing under the skin trick several times since that Thanksgiving. It's really a neat trick, but you should warn your guests so they don't think your turkey has avian flu. The other problem I have discovered is, since the stuffing won't STICK to the meat, the only thing holding it on is the skin. So if you do not slice careful, entire chunks of skin covered stuff will slide off your turkey when you begin slicing. I suggest trying to remove the entire breast as a whole, then slicing it with an electric knife on a side plate. If you can get away with doing this in the kitchen, and then bringing out the results on a platter, it will go over better with the guests.
I also suggest making additional krystal Stuffing on the side, because whatyou can fit under the skin will not even come close to satisfying your hungry hoard once they get a taste of the Krystaliciousness.

The Cran-Chik returns

2008-11-23T10:16:00.003-05:00

Do you want to enjoy Krystal Deliciousness this year, but don't have the courage to try Krystal Stuffing? Are you feeling a bit left out in the cold because Turkey day interferes with your Krystal Thursday? Want something simple and delicious to show off to your friends and make them all jealous? Well have I got the thing for you!
Two years ago while I was tinkering with various creative Krystal (and non-Krystal) inspired recipes, I stumbled on one of my all time favorites. In a moment of culinary brilliance, I came up with

The Cran Chik

It's delicious, it's easy, and you'll wonder why you never tried it before. If you are planning to do the Krystal Stuffing this year, I suggest you pick up a few chiks for snacking. Since you'll already have some cranberry sauce nearby, just try it.
I know Krystal is currently pushing they new Spicy Southern Chik with Fiesta Fries. I am wondering how cranberry sauce would be on one of their new chiks. I am to the point of making a late afternoon sprint down to Murrell's Inlet to try it out.
Everyone loves Krystal Chiks. And of course who can forget the Krystal Chiks Calendar? Who doesn't love them? The Saucy Chiks also seemed to be a big hit with folks. Sadly, the folks at the Krystal test Kitchen have resisted the urge to add the Cranberry Saucy Chik to the lineup for this Thanksgiving. So you're going to have to do-it-yourself. I figure if I keep putting it on Krystal Adventure, and you keep making them at home and email or call the folks in Chattanooga, they'll eventually give in, and treat the world to a REAL Thanksgiving treat.
In all honesty, all they really have to do is keep a small container of chilled cranberry sauce nearby and sling a dollop on a chik. Personally I'd love for them to start stocking single serve cranberry sauce packets for year-round deliciousness. (I know what you're thinking: Who knew Hormel made cranberry sauce?!?)
While we're on the topic of everyone loving the Krystal Chiks, for the second time, I have seen an E-Bay auction claiming the calendars "were pulled from the shelves by the religious right." I find this hard to believe, as I have seen or read NOTHING about this. While I doubt Krystal would ever mention it themselves, I am quite sure someone else would have.
I suspect this is yet another ploy by Ebay huckster. Perhaps the guy who put 50 of them up for auction at $10 each when they were still available in stores for less than that. Or even the guy selling The Krystal Gift Card with a zero balance, and he's already gotten a 99¢ bid. Folks, the gift card is free, you just put some money on it. Heck you can buy em online at Krystal.com. Just click the gift card picture at the top of the screen. And they do make a nice Christmas present. At least for people who don't live in Burgatory. Then you're just being cruel.

The First Thanksgiving

2008-11-22T05:33:00.002-05:00

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, the web rumbles about Krystal Stuffing are coming again. In fact I got a plug over at The Krystalist yesterday. To assist those who may be making their way here from there let me toss out a few links, since the original posts are so old they won't show up in a search of the Blog's archives:

First the Stuffing FAQ which answers most of the questions I get from people. Then the post on what you should be doing the night before Thanksgiving. And then finally The recipe itself (Look for links in the post for the recipe and also the step-by-step.)

Now with that out of the way, I figured it might be useful to give the real story behind the first Thanksgiving where Krystal Stuffing appeared. It was way back in November of 1994. (Begin wavy lines and flashback noises like Wayne's World.)
I had graduated from Mercer in spring of 1994 and moved into my first apartment, an on campus studio, for grad school. I had begun dabbling in cooking as soon as I had moved to my own place but not really gotten very good.
My girlfriend for while in college, Nikki didn't cook. In fact when she went home to visit they'd always eat out or get delivery. I realized that, should Nikki and I get married, I'd starve to death. I knew then I *had* to learn to cook simply for self preservation reasons.
My first venture was teriyaki chicken. No one ever seemed to make it the way I liked it. I like it with thick sauce that sticks to the chicken, and with onions in with the chicken. So every night for almost 3 weeks I made teriyaki chicken until I perfected the recipe. It is quite amazing and delicious. Sadly, I ate so much teriyaki chicken that summer that I don't make it anymore.
My next venture was cheesecakes. We all know wow that went. Of course only a few know of (and no one but me ever saw) the infamous "cottage cheese cheesecake." What's the saying about Edison failing hundreds of times before he perfected the light bulb? Sure the light bulb and a cheesecake aren't even close to the same thing, but I'd much rather eat cheesecake than a light bulb.
So back to the first Thanksgiving on my own. The obvious choice for Thanksgiving would be to go to my parents house. They still lived about 80 miles north in Conyers, and it would have been easy enough. The problem was that they were going north to my grandparent's in North Carolina wouldn't be back in time for me to get to work. I worked at Post office during school breaks and thus had to work after Thanksgiving. I was stranded in Macon for Thanksgiving.It's not adversity, it's opportunity.I decided that I would make an entire Thanksgiving dinner. Just to prove to myself that I could. I began to gather the recipes and ingredients I'd need to make my feast. Most of the recipes were directly from my mother. I pulled a few off the internet as well. (Yes, there was an internet in 1994, but the web was still a baby back then and you actually had to know what you were doing to use it.)
As I was out shopping the day before Thanksgiving, I had on my list of things to buy my standard pre-Thanksgiving Krystal combo. But seeing the list of ingredients for my mother's stuff, and the Krystals on the same list, an idea started brewing.
Since I would be in charge of all the cooking, and the eating, I realized that I could do ANYTHING I wanted to. And the decision was made. I went line-by-line through my mother's Stuffing recipe, and substituted Krystals for the equivalent items in my mother's recipe.
I clearly remember that Thanksgiving. I had the TV on with It's A Wonderful Life playing. I was dancing around in my tiny kitchen. I had food and fixin's everywhere. I'd made cream cheese stuffed celery as an appetizer. I'd made a blueberry frozen yogurt pie for dessert. There'd be rolls, and peas, and gravy, and cranberry sauce, and turkey, and of course the stuffing.
Then I git a snag. The gravy and the stuffing required boiled eggs. How long do you boil an egg? I'd never boiled an egg. None of my cookbooks said a word about how long to boil an egg. I had 6 eggs. I put them all in a pot and boiled them. For about 2 minutes. When I cracked the first one, I realized I had a problem.
I put them all back on the stove and let them go for another minute, before I again cracked one open. This was not going well. I was running out of eggs, patience, and time. I did NOT want to make a run back to Kroger for more eggs on Thanksgiving day.
I tried to call my mother but they'd already left for my grandmother's house. Back then there wasn't really much in the way of cell phones, so I called ahead to my grandmother's house.
I wished my grandmother a happy Thanksgiving day and when I asked her to have my mother call me when she arrived, my grandmother asked what the problem was. When I mentioned my egg situation, she laughed. A lot. She informed me that 2 and 4 minutes was not even close. I'd need 10 minutes or so for hard boiled, which is what I needed.You cannot place a value on the wisdom and experience of grandparents.With the egg disaster avoided, I returned to my mission. The stuffing was made. The turkey was cooked, and the dinner was complete.
Then the dinner was eaten, a nap was taken. Dishes were washed. A turkey sandwich with a side of stuffing was eaten. Paper plates were used to avoid dirtying up any more dishes. (I didn't have a dish washer back then and sink space was limited.)
I still think back to that Thanksgiving and giggle. I think of the audacity I had to take on an entire Thanksgiving dinner, when I'd really only mastered teriyaki chicken and cheesecakes. I laugh at how far the simple, yet slightly insane, idea of putting my Krystals in my stuffing has taken me. I guess I really do have a lot to be thankful for. I'll be even more thankful the day I have a Krystal less than 2 hours away.

Plaque Poll, 2008

2008-11-21T09:09:00.003-05:00

Back on November 11th I told you of how I was still holding on to my Krystal Lover's Hall Of Fame Plaque, and really not "feeling the love" from the folks in Chattanooga.
I am happy to say I almost immediately got an email apology on behalf of Krystal from Tiffany at KHQ. The important bit is this:

I didn't realize that you had in your possession your Hall of Fame plaque and that it wasn't properly displayed in a Krystal location. This needs to be fixed. I know that the Vineville location was your Krystal, and it was unfortunate when it closed as the restaurant was a fixture in the area and was very popular with locals for nearly 30 years, but we're excited to share with you that our other Macon restaurants will soon be getting remodeled. And if you're interested, we'd love to make one of them the new home to your Hall of Fame plaque! Or we can place it at a new “adopted” Krystal location of your choice. Just let us know which location you prefer so we can properly and proudly have it displayed for all to see.

So now I am stumped. Given the entire Krystal Kountry I need to choose one Krystal to be my new "Home."
Some people say I can be very indecisive. I guess I might be, but I'm not sure. What do you think? Well, that's not terribly important right now, I suppose. I have however, decided to open the decision up to you. I have started a (non-binding) poll here at Krystal Adventures on where my plaque should wind up. You should see the poll on the left and in this post. I'll leave the poll up until probably Christmas. I'm going to be extremely busy til then. With Thanksgiving bearing down on me, that means Final Exams are around the corner, and that is immediately followed by the Krystal Kid Christmas Tour, 2008 (Returning this year to Florida and Georgia!)I suspect some of the choices in the poll may need some explanation.
The Macon connection is easy. A Macon Krystal would be closest geographically to where I was inducted, and also most likely to be seen by people who knew me during my "Krystal Days."
When my Krystal closed a few months back, Bernida (the store manager) was due to relocate to the Krystal on Watson Blvd in Warner Robins. Since the real fun of Krystal is the people, and Bernida was the face of Krystal to me for so many years, having my plaque move with her seems natural.Conyers, GA is where Krystal Thursdays began back in 1989. If you dig around in my old posts, you'll find the story, and in fact you'll probably find some pictures. The up side to Conyers is I get back to Conyers a couple of times a year. The down side is I rarely get close to the Conyers Krystal. That part of town is insane now.
Murrell's Inlet, SC is now the closest to me geographically. It's about 2 hours south. While it's a lot further than my old drive of roughly 5 minutes, it's still better than 6 hours. I haven't been down there in a couple of months, but there was a while there it was a once a month thing. They do already have two Hall of fame plaques there, so it might get crowded.
Pooler and Augusta, GA are purely selfish. Those two cities are the edge of Burgatory when I am going south to GA. I always stop and fill my tank and my tummy when I pass through.
The last choice, Keep It, has actually been suggested by more than one person. I think they don't realize I already have a much larger plaque hanging in the hall here at the Krystal Kave.Don't worry. It's no longer so lonely looking on the wall. I Have a few beautiful old Krystal restaurant pictures on either side of it to keep it cozy.
But with that said, I present to you:

The Poll

The poll is javascript, so it may not work via email. When you vote, it will pop up a page with the results and a few ads. What can I say? It was free and I am cheap.Tiffany's letter also had this tid bit in it:

Oh btw, I imagine when you travel back to Georgia you go through Augusta, but if you ever come through SC and pass through Greenville, SC, be sure to pull into the new Krystal Drive-In restaurant. It's 1 of 3 in our entire system. Learn more about it by clicking this link.

I am one of those fortunate people to have friends scattered all over the country. While I haven't been up to the Greenville, SC area in a few years, I have been meaning to go back. I actually have two friends up in the area. In a sad twist of irony, though, one does not eat red meat and the other is a vegetarian. So a trip to the cool new Krystal may be a solo venture. On the other hand, I guess I won't have to slap anyone for going for my fries, and all the Krystals are MINE MINE MINE!
Of course I already did a mad dash road trip to see the first one on Brainerd Rd. in Chattanooga. If you hop back to the archives for early Feb 2008, you can see all the great stuff they had. It's temping. Very tempting. I may see if the Christmas Tour can swing way north.

The crazy cat lady next door

2008-11-17T09:27:00.003-05:00

After a month long investigation, I am now quite sure the lady who lives next door is, in fact, a crazy cat lady. Here is how I came to that conclusion.
It is not that she owns a lot of cats. While there are plenty of cases of cat hoarding that most would consider "crazy" she only has about 10 cats and thus falls below the "crazy" level.
Odd? Yes.
Crazy? No, not for the cat hoarding.
It is also not that she walks around her back yard in her bathrobe with a few of her favorite cats. Heck I'd love to walk around in my back yard in my bathrobe with or without animal accompaniment. However, I am quite sure my neighbors would object and call the police.
If she walked in her back yard in her bathrobe with her cats in THEIR bathrobes, THAT would qualify as crazy. I have yet to see any kitty lounge wear.
The reason she MUST be a crazy cat lady is that occasionally while she's out in the back yard in her bathrobe with her cats, she's throwing out bread crumbs. To understand why this qualifies as crazy, we must turn to our "Wildlife Food Chain."Cats do not eat bread crumbs.
Birds eat bread crumbs.
Cats eat birds.I believe in the hunting word this is referred to as "Baiting A Field."

The proper way to club a chicken.

2008-11-15T09:35:00.004-05:00

Question: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a pig?
Answer: I don't know, but if you fry it and put it on a bun, I'd eat it.

OK, I admit it, I am cleaning out some old Krystal photos, that have been sitting around waiting for a post. I am trying to get back in the regular posting frame of mind so I figured I'd start with a few easy ones.
These pictures, koincidentally are from March 8, 2007, almost 18 months ago. That was just after I returned from a long road trip to SC and NC and my first ever visit to the Krystal in Murrell's Inlet, SC. That trip was also when I decided, once and for all, that I needed to leave GA and return to the coast, where I am now.
Anyway, we all know I like a good chicken sandwich. Especially the Krystal Chiks. We also know I love bacon. I mean come on who DOESN'T love bacon? (Well I suppose pigs don't and Krystal Chiks might not either, but I am getting ahead of myself.)
One Thursday afternoon in Macon I was trying to decide if I wanted to get Krystals with Bacon or Chiks (with no Mayo). I stood there for a moment. I scratched my head. Then I went free style!Can I have three Chiks, no Mayo. Add lettuce and bacon. (The lettuce was so I could call it a healthy meal.) Sure, as usual, my order confused them and it took three people to find the right buttons on the register, but with that, I present:

The BLC

You want a sandwich with crunch? Lets add it up: Crunchy Bacon, Crispy Crunchy Chik, and Crispy Lettuce. I do believe this is why we are given teeth.
So go get your keys, go get your teeth (if needed) and go get a bacon, lettuce chik! (Cheese might be good, but I was trying to pace myself.)

Homeless or Abandoned

2008-11-11T08:41:00.002-05:00

I am sure you've noticed a severe lack of "post-age" around here lately. I will be honest with you, I no longer approach posting to my blog with the zest I used to. I know that at some point most blogs go through a period of "down time" and many never recover. Heck Krystal-Lover Blog hasn't been updated since April. I suspect it has been left to die since Krystalist.com came online. Add to that the fact that there's now a Krystal presence on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter. Yes, the folks at Krystal must be busy.
I understand busy. I have also been busy. This past summer was a madhouse for me. Which was especially frustrating since one of the "perks" of my new job was "summers off." Ok, I never really expected to have a summer off. Just ask my parents: when I get bored I get in trouble. If I have nothing to do, I'll find something to do, and you probably won't like it. But between dealing with family issues and shipping my brother and his family (including a cat) to a foreign country, having some minor surgery, and having guests come visit for a week, I still managed to plow through, and post on occasion. I actually did a lot of stuff, took a lot of pictures, and have great stories. That all changed back on July 20^th when "my" Krystal closed in Macon.
While a store closing is probably not a big deal to most people, to me that was personal. Those were my friends, and that place meant a lot to me. A lot of people were sad when I arrived and took my plaque down off the wall. Many asked where it was going to be moved to. I had no idea. I still have no idea. Currently it is sitting in my living room. It feels a bit like Barry Bond's home run ball. The Hall Of Fame has it, but apparently they're not real eager to put it on display. The difference is, Barry Bonds lied, cheated, broke the law, and brought his sport to a new low.
The weekend I found out my store was closing, I sent emails to everyone I knew at Krystal Headquarters, placed phone calls to the numbers I knew, and posted to my blog. That was 16 weeks ago. I have yet to hear a peep from Krystal. That hurts.
When I was an ATO Pledge back in the day, we had "The Two R's of ATO" beat into us. (Figuratively, not literally. That would be hazing.) The two R's are Respect and Responsibility. Those who know me know I take both terms very seriously. Especially recently, since I have gotten deeply involved in ATO again over the past year. (Yet another story that has yet to make it to Krystal Adventure.)Respect can only be given.
Responsibility can only be taken.
Period.Sadly, most people these days try to TAKE respect and GIVE responsibility. It doesn't work like that. I may not like you but I'll respect you. And if I say I'll do something, I'll do everything in my power to ensure it's done.
I place an amazing amount of value in words like Duty, Honor, Respect, and Loyalty.
I also have a Krystal Lover's Hall Of Fame plaque sitting on the floor in my living room, waiting for a home.
I find myself wondering: Where's the respect? Where's the responsibility?
I never saw them on the menu. I assumed they were sort of free. Like the napkins and ketchup. I guess next time I'll have to order a #1 Combo with Respect and Cheese, and a Responsibility MilkQuake. (I'll also check the bag before I drive off to make sure I actually get them.)

Scarlet and Gold

2008-11-10T23:57:00.002-05:00

Once again it is 10 November, the United States Marine Corps' birthday. If you've been hanging around here I know you're expecting a long drawn out post about the wonder of the greatest American fighting force. I had that in mind as I drifted off to sleep last night. Imagine my surprise this morning when I awoke to a story that sort of took care of everything for me.Marines Save Hotel GuestsI awoke this morning to the local news as they gave a 1 minute overview of the story. I figured it was a great lead in to a Marine Corps Birthday message. I kept waiting for them to give some video footage, but they never did. I had to dig on the web to find this (the sound doesn't really kick in til 24 seconds in):
If the video above does not play click hereSo it seems clear to me that I don't need to repost stories of Marines killing bears in the woods with a stick, or the 80 year old Marine kicking the snot out of a punk pickpocket, or even the Marine who foiled a robbery and shot and killed one of the robbers. (Search my blog for Marine and you'll find those.)
Really the best advertisement for Marines is, quite simply, a Marine.
Sadly, the goobers on the local news found a way to screw up a great story. The most exciting parts of a news cast are when they "throw it" to the weather guy. Lets face it, the weather guy is like the last kid picked in school for you team in PE. He points at a green screen waves his arms around and reads what is on the screen to you. For this reason, the weather guy usually also gets the "Jester" role. He's the joker, the one no one takes seriously. Sadly, this morning, he could have kept his mouth shut and everything would have gone great.
After the story on the Marines, the Weather Wonderkid decides to point out that his father "was" a Marine. We've been over this repeatedly here at Krystal Adventures. The only time you EVER say someone "WAS" a Marine is if they're dead, quite dead, or perhaps dishonorably discharged. As the Marine Hymn says "They are proud to claim the title of United States marines." The minute you try and strip them of that title, you are in danger of getting hit with a stick, shot in a Subway, or pummelled by an 80 year old Marine.
For your own safety, it would be wise to read this Wiki article and in particular the part about Culture, Customs, and Traditions.
I know, you're probably saying "Jason, perhaps his father IS dead, and thus he could be called a 'former Marine.'" Yes, that might have held water, had the WeatherHead shut up at that point, but no, he had to continue:
"Hey, dad, if you're watching, Hooah!"
I suspect once WeatherBoy got home he got the spanking of his life. "Hooah" is what the Army screams. Marines yell "OooRAH!" Watch Heartbreak Ridge and take notes. It may save your life.
I was waiting to see if he could shove his foot further into his mouth but he was spared by a commercial break. I was waiting for him mess up the pronunciation of "Semper Fi."
Rather than stomping all over the honor and traditions of the Marines, they could have simply wished them a Happy Birthday, and thanked the brave young men who risked their lives for others in the hotel fire. (Though Marines take higher risks every day around the world.) Sadly, I am left questioning if the weather guy really does have a Marine for a father or if he was just making it up. Perhaps he's jealous?
I do not have to make it up. My father IS a Marine.
Marines volunteer to kill or die so you can speak freely. Don't waste that right by stepping on their traditions. They don't like that. Even if you are the weatherguy.

Halloween Soup

2008-10-31T09:36:00.002-05:00

When I was a little boy, we lived in Marietta, GA. This would have been around 1977 or so. Back in those days kids REALLY did the trick or treat thing. This was in the days before the Razor Blade Apple and Rat Poison Popcorn Balls. Back before the Trick or Treat is not Complete til you went to the hospital and had your nightly haul X-Rayed.
As we prepared the house to give out candy, everyone was busy. I was in charge of setting up the spooky sounds record on my "Hi-Fi." All the scary things had to be staged around the front door and everyone was keeping an eye out for "The First Trick or Treater." We lived in a neighborhood so they tended to migrate like herds of buffalo up and down the streets.
With all of our preparation, one tiny detail had been overlooked: Dinner. And apparently it is not a good idea to use your candy as dinner. So we were in a bind.
Suddenly my mother remembered: She'd made a big batch of her beef and vegetable soup a while back and had some still stashed in the freezer. It was easy enough to pull it out and heat it up in a pot as we worked. There were no microwaves back then, and we were probably better off because of it. You just don't get soup like that from a can.
Big chunks of beef. Not that "stew beef" garbage you by pre-cut at the store, which is really just the scraps and leftovers after they'd carved off "the good meat."
Lots of different veggies. Corn, green beans, lima beans, I think there was okra. All in a yummy tomato flavored broth. It had always been a yummy meal.
But that Halloween, it was cold outside. And with the door constantly opening and closing, the house never really seemed to stay toasty. And if you were the one working the door, you caught the brunt of the cold air as it whipped in the doorway.
A big bowl of hot soup was the best thing ever. I bet if all the ghosts and goblins knew what we had inside, they'd have suffered through the scalding hands, if we'd have just ladled some soup into their cupped hands.
I don't remember a lot about that Halloween, but I remember the soup. Apparently everyone else did, too. Next year has Halloween approached, a request was made for more soup. And the Halloween soup tradition was born!
These days isn't the same when it comes to trick or treat. Because the world is now filled with scary people, and not the kind of scary you find on the discount racks at K-mart beside the fake blood. Parents now take their kids on "strategic" trick or treating. They know in advance where they'll go and who lives there. Heck I have even seen trick or treating from a car. Mom pulls up, you run to the house and get your candy, then run back to the car where you're whisked to the next house.
I miss the trick or treating, even though I am probably too old to go by myself now. (And who says there's an age limit on trick or treat anyway? I like candy as much as any 8 year old.)
I miss trick or treat, but I miss the big steaming bowls of soup even more.

Vote for Bob?

2008-10-22T18:59:00.002-05:00

On Monday, Krystal Adventure took pride in being the first to endorse Bob for President. Sadly, public reaction was not what we expected. Rather than being greeted with cheers, parades, and the customary fainting, we were greeted with looks of confusion. Come on now, people, you all know Bob. He's an old friend. His career stretches back for decades. And for those who are looking for something new, different, and fun, no one currently running can match Bob. Krystal gets a-head with offbeat ad campaign; thriving on nonconformity, hamburger chain rolls out bodiless Bob TV ads.
While the rest of the country is suffering with the campaign ads of every politician from local dog catcher to president, Bob is laying low. Mainly because he's only about a foot tall. But he doesn't let size stand in his way. He never has. Sprinklers and lawn mowers, well that's different.
If the video above does not play, Click HereI know there are those who try and point out Bob has no experience. But Bob is actually a pro at this campaign stuff. In fact, Bob ran for President once before, unlike most of our current crop of newbies. (or "Noobs" as they're called in geek-speak.)Bob 'heads up' Krystal's presidential campaignSo there you have it folks. Most of the country is dissatisfied with our current set of choices. It's not hard to see why. When you're used to walking into Krystal and seeing their menu literally overflowing with choices, you're shocked when your menu/ballot only has 2 or 3 choices.
Bacon Obama with Cheese? You'll never find it. Chili Cheese McCain? Nope. Let's face it. On November 4th, when you step into the booth, rather than Republican or Democrat, you'll be longing for the #1 with cheese and an ice cold Coke on the side.
I'm voting for Bob because Bob knows what I like. Those other guys could care less what I like. They just want my vote. And my money. And they don't ever ask if you want cheese.

Vote For Bob

The Chili Cheese Vote

2008-10-20T22:56:00.003-05:00

I bet you probably didn't know this, but there's an election coming up. Yeah I know they tend to keep those things a secret, and you never heard about them on TV, but that's why I am here. To help. With a heavy dose of sarcasm and perhaps a bit of sanity.
Since North Carolina has been dubbed a "Battleground State" in the upcoming election, we're getting pummelled with campaign ads. In a five commercial break on the local channel, you're lucky to get one ad trying to sell you a product. In one break this afternoon there were 2 ads for the same person and sandwiched in the middle was a campaign ad from the opposing candidate bashing the ads of the first. It would be funny if it wasn't the future of our country at stake.
But speaking of sandwiches. (Yes, I did, you can scroll up and see.)
While you are trying to sort out the election mess, I have a suggestion. Head on over to Krystal. Most Krystals don't have TVs so you can avoid all the annoying election coverage and chow down on warm and steamy Krystals, chili cheese fries, and perhaps a Pumpkin Spice MilkQuake.
If you're just a regular glutton, then Krystal is absolutely the place to bean. Nothing beats the steaming piles of crap the politicians are tossing around better than a steaming sack full of Krystals. (You can eat the Krystals, but I simply can't swallow the garbage the campaigns are spreading.)
If, however, you are a glutton for punishment, you can bring your laptop and take advantage of Krystal's free Wi-Fi to keep up with the latest election ~~lies~~promises as you chow down.
I know you're sitting there thinking "Why would anyone go to Krystal for the presidential election?" Well it wasn't too terribly long ago that Krystal took pride in our country, and the history of our election process. (Yeah, nothing to be proud of these days, I assure you.)
This little beauty was put out during the 1980 elections. It's got page after page after page of interesting presidential and election trivia. It is actually fun to look back over the history of our country and see where we've been. I am also thankful that this book stops at 1980, because frankly things have gone down hill since then.
Yes, I know I am not sounding very positive. But tell me, regardless of who you plan to vote for, does this election season leave you feeling positive? Frankly, it leaves me feeling a bit ashamed of my country, and rather dirty.
We need a new candidate with a clear message. Someone who won't take our money and give it to his friends. Someone who won't take our money and give it to people who don't deserve it. No, we need someone who will take our money and give us something delicious. We need BOB!

Def and Dum

2008-10-11T08:55:00.002-05:00

Yeah! Hockey season's back! Too bad it has to start this way. The first two games of the season are played in Europe. Then on Friday night, the Red Wings have their home opener which includes raising the Championship Banner for last year. What bothered me about Friday night wasn't that the Wings lost. I find that more often than not, a team that just hoisted a championship banner loses. I figure it's nerves.
What bothered me was this:
If the video above doesn't play click hereYes, Red Wings Darren McCarty and Kyle Quincey bring out Stanley on a motorcycle. Gave the customary lift, kiss, and hand off, then decide to hand it to Joe Elliot of Def Leppard, who lifts it and promptly puts on the table UPSIDE DOWN.
Why McCarty, a known NHL tough guy, and proud winner of several Stanley Cup rings didn't run over and pound Elliot, I have no idea. Thankfully Quincey had the sense to walk over and turn the cup right side up.
In the background you can hear Elliot claim ignorance because "We're soccer boys." Umm excuse me, don't they give out trophy's in soccer? Yes I know the "World Cup" isn't really a cup, but England hasn't won that in over 40 years.
It seems to me that if one end of the trophy is bigger than the other, maybe the big end goes down.
Perhaps if one end of the trophy looks like a BOWL and the other end is flat then maybe the bowl goes up. Sort of like... a cup?
Or maybe, just maybe ALL THOSE NAMES on the cup might give an indication of which end goes up.
I guess I should be thankful that the entire band didn't try to do the "hoist, kiss and pass." Something tells me there would be a problem once it got to be the drummer's turn to hoist it.

MonkeyQuest

2008-10-05T08:40:00.003-05:00

I am please to report this morning that I have been successful in my monkey hunt. A suitable monkey has been located, trapped, shrink wrapped, and is on its way to the Krystal Adventures processing facility as we speak. I have also discovered, in one of those classic twists of fate that make up my life, that one of my neighbors has 5 monkey towels. FIVE! That's this many:While I did not get my monkey through monkey-napping, I contemplated it. I am fairly certain that monkey hoarding is not illegal, but in tough times like these when there just isn't enough monkey to go around, you have to learn to just take as much monkey as you need and be happy with it. Leave a little monkey for someone else. Don't you just hate it when the people who have LOTS of monkey just waste it and then flaunt it in front of those who don't have much monkey?

Want to fix the economy? Show me the Monkey!

2008-10-01T07:21:00.004-05:00

First of all, Courtney, stop reading this right now. Close this window and go do something else.
OK, now that she's gone, here's the scoop. I know the economy is busted. the government sent out "stimulus checks" which promptly went into our gas tanks and thus to OPEC. Now they have this crazy idea of spending $700,000,000,000 to fix it.
How bout if I told you that you could do you part to help the economy and it'll only cost you less than $15. Even better, you'll get back every dime you spend? Does that seem far fetched? Well it's not. Here's how it works.
Courtney likes monkeys. Sean likes monkeys. And I'll admit it. I kind of like monkeys too. Last Christmas I got Courtney and Sean a monkey shower curtain and a monkey bath rug. They were very cute monkeys and were well received. Sort of.
I then learned of this thing called "bathroom coordinates." Apparently there's some law that says your shower curtain, rugs, towels, and everything else has to match.
To most guys this idea seems so goofy. This is the first step towards the bathrooms with towels you can't use. You know what I am talking about. You go to stay at someones house and they go dig out "guest towels" for you to use while there's several perfectly good towels already in the bathroom. "Oh, we don't actually use those. Those are just for show. Like those cute soaps in the basket on the counter." (The soaps on the counter aren't supposed to be used? Oops!)
Realizing I had violated the law of bathroom coordinates, I decided to get more monkeys. The problem is, the set I had gotten only included the curtain and the rug. I'd have to start over. After a lot of searching I'd found a set of Monkeys at Target but frankly they were ugly monkeys.
Click here for ugly monkeysI decided to keep looking. I'd never really hunted for monkeys before. Usually I just go to a zoo and there they are. We even have Monkey Junction down the road from here if I really need a Monkey Fix (formerly called Tote Em In Zoo, now called Tregembo Park).
I had almost given up hope and given in to the ugly monkey rug when Target brought out a new line of Monkeys. I was saved! Saved by cute monkeys!
Click here for cute monkeysI have spent my summer gathering monkeys. I wish I could say it's been more fun that a barrel of monkeys but it hasn't been. Monkey collecting it tough, often frustrating work. They're never where you want them to be. Frankly you can't depend on monkeys at all. It took a while but I finally managed to get all of the accessories above. I even waited for months until I got the rare Shower Curtain & Hooks.
Click here to put cute monkeys in your shower.I then turned my attention to the towels. I had no idea there were so many different kinds of towels. Being a guy, there were simply "big towels," "small towels," and "wash cloths." I had no clue what a "tip towel" was and learned very quickly you need to enunciate very well when you say that.
At my local Target, they sell the towels individually. They never had a full set in and rarely had more than one of each size. I grabbed what I could when I could: two hand towels, two tip towels, a bath towel. But then it stopped. Nothing new coming to Target.
Then I saw the Monkey Tissue Holder get marked with a big orange "clearance sticker." Well no one ever wants the tissue holder, so I figured they were just trying to get rid of them. But then I noticed empty monkey shelves not being restocked. And I was still missing a bath towel. I went online to see if I could find one there. I then found that they don't sell them individually online, but only in a set.I decided my best plan of attack would be to order a set online and return a hand towel and tip towel to the store. The next day, as I prepared to order my set of monkey towels, I discovered that they'd suddenly been listed as "out of stock." Now they don't even show up when you search for them. I still have the link to them though. You can click and see for yourself that they're now out of stock.
Don't get confused with the description. I now know that what it shown is not a wash cloth but a tip towel instead. I already have the wash cloths. (and I am a little ashamed that I now know what a tip towel is)
Click here for cute monkey wash clothsI emailed Target and after a lot of emails was basically told they didn't have any more, so I should check with my local store. Why would my local store have monkey towels they didn't put out? Well because monkeys don't always go where you try and put them. They are monkeys after all.
The customer service lady at my local Target said they didn't have any (big shock there) but since they still had shelf space and were still "in the system" that they would probably get more. I asked when and she had no idea. Apparently in the new world of customer service you can't order things, you don't know when stuff comes in or when it might come in. it seems Customer Service is only good for helping you return or exchange purchases, not in making new purchases. Now you see where our economy has begun to go in the toilet. (Get it? toilet? bathroom coordinates? HA!)
I asked if she could search at other stores. She typed on her computer a while and said there weren't any monkey towels in a 50 miles radius. She then asked me how far I was willing to go to get them. Yes that can be taken two different ways. She meant the bad way. She then explained that if she found them I would have to drive to where they were to get them, they had no procedures for moving merchandise between two stores. Apparently customer service doesn't involve helping customers at OTHER stores. She was nice enough to search the Raleigh area for me. Nada.
So now I have monkeys coming out my ears, but I find myself lacking one monkey bath towel. And with them putting monkeys on clearance at Target I fear that rather than them restocking, they may be phasing them out and "the system" just doesn't know it yet.
So how does this all relate to helping the economy? Well it's simple:
You need to go to your local Target and go to the bath coordinates section and look for a big green fluffy monkey bath towel. (The towel is fluffy, not the monkey.) If you find one you have two options:

Buy it, hold on to the receipt, and then email me for further instructions.
Or email me and be prepared to rush back to the store and grab one if needed.

First one to email me once they locate a Monkey wins! The reason for the email is so I don't wind up with 18 Monkey towels. Monkeys are cute and all, but I think they probably get a lot less cute when you have 18 green monkey bath towels. And now I know I can't give them away as gifts because I'd once again violate the "matching monkeys in the bathroom" rule.
The reason the economy is stinking it up right now is that money isn't moving very well. So once you find a monkey towel, I will send money to you. You will give some of that money to Target for that monkey. You will also give some money to the US Postal Service so they will bring me that monkey. (How often do you get to mail a monkey?) This is what is called "commerce." Since we're using the internet, it could be called "e-commerce." And since we're moving monkeys, it might be called "m-commerce."
We will have done our part to help the economy, as well as save a monkey. And at $10.49, this is whole lot better than $700,000,000,000! (It's a lot cuter, too!)

All good things come from...

2008-09-29T22:21:00.002-05:00

Back in the mid and late 90's while I was working at The Bibb Company, I got put on the Y2K team. What I found extremely funny was that once the public got utterly freaked out by the people trying to profit from the Y2K panic, they began screaming and begging for computer programmers to save the world. The reason this was funny was: Who the heck do you think CAUSED the Y2K problem in the first place? Right! Computer Programmers.
After the "Bail out" (named after what you do when your ship is sinking) didn't pass today, the folks in Washington went to their standard response: blame everyone else. Scream even louder. Make up even more horrifying stories of what will happen. All because the general public has reservations about letting the people who caused the problem fix the problem.
Lets face it, when was the last time Congress had a balanced budget? No, a REAL balanced budget, not the ones that are only balanced by stealing money from the Social Security Trust Fund? When was the last time Congress passed a budget that didn't include stupid, pointless spending programs ("Pork") like bridges to nowhere, and million dollar outhouses in the woods? And don't even get me started on the national debt which is too big to fit in most calculators. Congress can't be trusted with the money we already give them, why on Earth would we want to give them more money and control over most of the housing loans in the country?
So while they're dragging the CEO's of these banks and businesses out in the street and stripping them of their golden parachutes and massive salaries, perhaps we should also drag ~~most~~ all of our Congressmen out in the streets and do the same.
If a company fails to make a profit, their executives should fail to make a profit as well. If the United States fails to make a profit, then our elected officials should fail to make a profit as well. Our President is the CEO of the USA and Congress is our Board of Directors. Our company has gone WAY into the red, and not in the Red White and Blue way. If we were a real company we'd probably have filed for bankruptcy reorganization just like The Bibb Company did back in the late 90's. That means a lot of the top officials are out on their butts ASAP.
The biggest fear coming out of Congress right now? Not a depression or economic crisis. They are scared of not getting elected.Good!With approval ratings in the single digits and a country in the shape ours is in, NO ONE should be re-elected in November.
Yes I know. I have read the studies. Everyone gives Congress a 5-9% approval rating, but gives their own Congresspeople high marks. Essentially they're saying "My Congressman is great, but everyone else's sucks." Seems to me that is 95% of the country is saying your Congressperson sucks, then perhaps they may have something. So if your congressman gets re-elected it's a sure sign that you amongst idiots.
As a side note in regards to The Bibb Company. The "solution" for their Y2K problem was this:
If the year is less than 50, we'll add 2000 to it to give 2000-2050.
If the year is greater than 50, we'll add 1900 to it to give 1950-1999.
I pointed out that they'd simply replaced the Y2K problem with the Y2K+50 problem. They simply postponed the problems by 50 years. The reply from the programs? "So what? I won't be working here then."
That scheme smells a lot like the $700 Billion Bailout.
Yup, people placed their trust in THOSE computer programmers at Bibb Company to "fix" the problem. Do you REALLY want to trust Congress with an additional $700 billion to fix our problems?
Oh, and you don't have to worry about The Bibb Company's products being Y2K compliant, or even Y2K+50 compliant. Bibb Company made textiles and bedding. Pillows, comforters and sheets tend to be unaffected by date and time irregularities. However if your pillowcase does happen to explode or stop working in 2050, you'll need to call Dan River to get a replacement, because Bibb Company never survived their "scheme." It was chopped up and sold off in parts to the competition.
Do you think Canada would buy Alaska? Maybe we could sell Florida to Cuba? Can we put California up on EBay?

Can I bail out of this bail out? (Math intensive post)

2008-09-27T09:11:00.003-05:00

I have spent this past summer closely watching the Three Ring Circus we call Washington. Ring #1 is the Executive Branch, with the funny clowns. Ring #2 is the Legislative Branch with the poo throwing monkeys. Ring #3 is the Judicial branch with the big dumb slow moving elephants.
But now the show is about over for this season and everyone is leaving the circus only to realize that the popcorn was really not that good, you come out smelling like dirty animals, and it was way too expensive for what little you got.
I watched the debates. Well a couple of minutes, until I got the urge to kick in the front of my TV. Our elected officially are completely and utterly unable to fix the problems of the common man. In their impotence, it seems that every time they try to "fix" something they make it worse.
Am I the only one who wasn't surprised when, once the government started handing out the free money this past year, gas prices went through the ceiling? If you KNOW your customers are getting free money, why not try raise prices to get your hands on it?
And now we have this "bailout" thing. I freely admit I am not very savvy on the whole accounting financing economy stuff. I am good with numbers, though. Sadly, most Americans are not, and that's why they get screwed repeatedly. (Heck, lotteries are simply a tax on people who do not understand probability and statistics.)
Just yesterday, AOL had a link to this blog post on what the economy would cost. This was one of the few economic articles I could understand. However, there's problems, big problems. The numbers are wrong. This guy handles other people's money for a living and can't do simple math? AOL felt this guy's blog post was so good they put it front page? Or maybe they have a vested interested in the average American not kowing the truth?
The author never cites a source, but does give his credentials at the bottom of the article. If you do business with this guy or his company, you'd be wise to change companies. Otherwise you may find a decimal point moved in one of your statements one day. It's that bad.
The big problem people have with understanding this stuff is the numbers are too astronomically big to grasp. Million, Billion, and Trillion all have the same number of letters, so on paper they "seem" to be about the same size. They also use words like "$700 Billion" instead of writing out the whole number $700,000,000,000. It's a classic strategy. If the truth hurts, change the terminology. Well Excel doesn't understand "$700 Billion" so I will use real numbers.
The first group of calculations is correct:
$700,000,000,000 for the bailout, divided by 305,000,000 Americans gives $2,295.08 per American to pay for the bailout. That's every man, woman, child, retiree.
But lets take that number further. This comes out to 114.75 DAYS (assuming the National average salary of $40,000, or about $20 an hour). This is 2.9 weeks and 0.7 months, assuming a 5 day work week.
May not seem too bad, until you try to put Grampa and Grandma back in the factories and get Baby Sue to go work at the local dairy. That's the cost divided among ALL Americans. Which of course raises the question: will our illegal immigrant friends be assisting in this bail out? I doubt it.
OK, lets get more realistic with the numbers. The second set of numbers in the article starts out right:
$700,000,000,00 for the bailout, divided by 151,000,000 working Americans (again using his numbers, since he gives no source) gives $4,635.76 for each working American. That's when he apparently stopped being able to do simple arithmetic, or he simply wants to lie and make things not look so bad.
If, as he says, it takes each working American 13 days to pay off their share, that would mean that the Average working American makes $356.6 a day, and $44.75 an hour. ($4,635.76/13 = $356.6, and $365.6/8 = $44.75) I assumed 8 hour days. Maybe he assumed we'd work 24 hours a day to pay off the bailout?
In reality (where everyone outside Washington lives) if we assume the $20 an hour average (which is realistic) then it will take the (assumed) 151,000,000 workers 231.79 hours to pay off the bailout.
That's 29 work days (8 hours).
That's 5.8 work weeks (5 days).
That's 1.3 months (4 1/3 weeks/month).
How you like that bailout now?
Lets make this more fun. Most people know what "Tax Freedom Day" is. That's the fictional day of the year when we get to bring home ALL of our paycheck. This year it was April 23 (113 days). This was earlier than in the past due to the government payoff we got earlier this year.
The problem with the "Tax Freedom" day is they assume you work 7 days a week til you pay off your taxes. I'm sorry. If I won't work 7 days a week for myself, you can bet I wont work 7 days a week to pay the government.
So if we add these 113 days in with the 29 days to pay for the bailout, we get a whopping 142 WORKING days, or 28.4 work weeks.
28.4 work weeks? There's only 52 weeks in a year.
Yup, this bailout has officially pushed us over the edge and we'll now be spending over half of our year paying for the government.
Can you tell I'm a bit upset?
What is my solution? Well over the next week or two I'll be giving my solutions. They may not be great solutions, but they've GOT to be better than the crazy schemes coming out of the Three Ring Washington Circus.
After watching the debates, briefly, and all of the annoying commercials and political ads, one thing is for sure.
Democrats blame Republicans, and vice-versa. Cong res blames the President, and vice verse. I firmly believe they're both right (for perhaps the first time ever).
Democrats AND Republicans are to blame. Congress AND the President are to blame.
So on that note I propose a new Political Party: The TOE Party. The Toss Out Everyone party.
Our Platform is simple: If you have ever been to Washington, you are, by definition, a worthless self-serving idiot. We will vote for "the other guy."
When your ballot shows the cute letter "I" beside a candidate, that used to mean "incumbent" but it now means "idiot" and we will vote the other way. Sure it may take 10 years to completely cleanse Washington of the worthless trash, but how many years have they had to fix SOMETHING and been unable to fix ANYTHING?
It's time to get out the big TOE and boot them all out. Every single one of them. And keep booting them out til they actually do something right. For once.

Bring home some Kritters, they're stand up guys!

2008-09-26T08:31:00.003-05:00

Apologies to those who get my blog posts via email. There was an apparent "blog malfunction" yesterday afternoon while working on this post, and an empty post went out. I removed it quickly, but you cannot "remove" an email that's been sent. No matter how much you wish you could. And yes I know Outlook SAYS it will recall a message you sent, don't believe it.
Over on Ebay, someone has put up a cardboard stand up display of the The Krystal Kritters from the 1970's.I'd finally found the perfect addition to my Krystal Kritter Lightswitch Covers.For obvious reasons, I was quite excited. Of course I was not as "excited" as my Hippo Lightswitches. Thankfully he wasn't that excited when the group picture was taken.I was so excited, in fact, I failed to notice that, while the opening price is a mere $19.99, the UPS shipping is $101.99. Apparently since it is so big and can't be folded, it has to be sent UPS ground. For this reason the seller suggests the buyer pick it up in person.
I quickly Google Mapped it and saw that it's only a 5:15 drive each way up near Virginia Beach. And I'd actually drive by my grandmother's on the way. Plus my friend Molly lives near VA Beach, so I could pick up some Kritters and visit friends and family along the way. Sure the trip would likely cost more than the $101.99 shipping, but who cares? You come home with a Kar full of Kritters!As I was preparing this post, I suddenly realized that my Hippo Lightswitch covers had been removed. There'd been a Hippo-napping while I was away at work. When i went to ask Natasha about where my Hippos had gone and tell her of the wonderful news that we'd soon have a house full of Kritters, she then began to lecture me on something. I don't really remember what all she said cause I wasn't listening. I do remember something about "growing up" and "immature" but I didn't really hear her. I had my fingers in my ears and was running around humming and screaming "YAA-YAA-YAA NOT LISTENING! EEE-OOOO-EEE-OOO NOT LISTENING! WHEEE-WHEEE-WHEE I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!"
Now I'm sitting in time out and I won't be going to get any Krystal Kritters. And apparently if I keep this up, I will be going to bed early without any dinner. Or something like that. Again, I wasn't listening. I bet Krystal Kritters don't have to go to bed early and from the looks of em it doesn't appear they've EVER gone without any dinner. Check out the cankles on those guys.

In Search Of... Britt's

2008-09-20T08:32:00.002-05:00

So you go looking for Britt's on your own and like most people you can't find it. Or perhaps you're luck enough to find it, yet it's closed, like what happened to the guy in my previous post. Now the only thing keeping your from a delicious donut is time.
Maybe they'll open in a few minutes or hours? Maybe they'll open tomorrow? Maybe they'll open in a few months? Maybe they'll open next season? You don't know, but you'll wait. We all do. And we don't complain, so stop your yappin!
However, here at Krystal Adventure, I won't make you wait. OK, I did make you wait one day, but no one was yappin, so here we go. Here's a wonderful success story (that takes a rather disturbing turn at the end):
If the video above doesn't play Click hereA couple of minor notes on the video. The first place he parks is not Britt's parking lot. Britt's doesn't have a parking lot. In fact, where he parks is a no parking zone. You'll get towed.
Second, the "bumper sticker" he intends to put on his laptop will leave him disappointed. It's not a bumper sticker, it's a static sticker meant to go on glass. I have one. It won't stick on my laptop. Well it'll stick on the screen but that gets in the way a little bit.
Last May, one of my co-workers, Melissa, who grew up here, was talking about Britt's Donuts. My ears perked up. She had been planning to head down there and take her son who is a Britt's addict. She offered to show me the way, like Moses. On graduation day, we made our way down to Carolina Beach. The location has now been logged into my GPS so I'll always be able to get back there. We then plugged some change in the meter and went off to see the Wizard.Britt's only sells one donut. They are proud of it. Lots of people suggest they expand, at least to chocolate covered donuts. After 70 years in business, maybe the folks at Britt's know what they're doing. Of course I wish they'd add orange juice to the menu. They've got room.Since Melissa had brought me for my first trip to Britt's she offered to buy my first donut. After that I was on my own. (I soon found out why you don't offer to buy more than one.)
My first Britt's DonutAfter you've had one bite, you're hooked. I am certain the Health Department wouldn't let them put crack in their donut glaze, but something in it just hooks you. You want more. You want more now.I ordered three more. And a refill on my ice water.
I made several more trips to Britt's Donuts this past summer. I ate a lot of donuts. I even drove the 20-30 minutes south to Britt's to pick up donuts and then drive 2 hours north to take them to my parents, where my grandmother, sister in law and nephews all awaited my arrival. They pretended they were waiting for me, but I knew they were waiting for the donuts. I was greeted at the door, not with "How are you?" or "How was the drive?" but instead with "Where's the donuts?"
Amy, the Krispy Kreme junky refused to judge Britt's as better than Krispy Kreme. I drew the yellow card because the donuts I brought were not hot. Then I drew the red card because I didn't bring Krispy Kreme donuts for a true head to head comparison. I think she fails to understand the logistical nightmare of bringing Britt's Donuts to someone.
If you are getting donuts "to go" you automatically double whatever you thought you'd need. Otherwise you arrive with a dozen that only last 45 seconds, and everyone hates you for ONLY bringing a dozen.
Then once you have placed your order to go, you need to add an additional 2 or 3 donuts. In a separate bag. This is often referred to as "The Britt's Buffer." You need these 2 or 3 donuts to eat on the road, and keep you away from the dozen or two you are to bring back.
In reality, I don't need Amy to confirm these are the best donuts ever. It's already been confirmed. This past summer, a guy who runs a donut blog, called, appropriately enough, The Blognut. (Shouldn't there be an H in there somewhere?)
Anyway, this past summer, a donut debate arose as the Blognut ranked America's Best Donuts. This was also apparently picked up on the national level as well.
I know Britt's is only ranked #2. However I have a problem with a donut made out of potatoes, a "Ponut" or perhaps "Potatonut." Am I to put butter or gravy on it? Dip it in ketchup? Maybe some sour cream and chives with bacon bits? (mmmmm Bacon)
So if you come visit Wilmington we can go down to Britt's. I'll buy your first donut, but you have to buy your own after that. If you come NOW, however, we'll have to go to Krispy Kreme and imagine we're eating Britt's. And in that case, you're buying me my first one, or at least some orange juice.

Yes, they ARE that darn good!

2008-09-19T06:56:00.003-05:00

I think my sister-in-law Amy was destined to be part of our family long before she ever met my brother. This becomes very clear in the kitchen and around the dining table. I've seen knife and fork fights break out at the breakfast table over the last piece of bacon. When the entire clan gathers at my parents, they have to stock up on Tropicana Pure Premium because Amy and I can put away a LOT of OJ in a weekend.
But the one thing that really makes Amy's eyes glaze over is Krispy Kreme Donuts. (Get it? Glaze over? Krispy Kreme?) Who can blame her? When the huge neon "Hot Now" sign is staring you in the face, something at a molecular level kicks in and you have the urge to shove big fat fried dough rings into your face. YUMMY!
When I was little, we lived in Georgia and we'd go to my grandparent's in NC for the holidays. One of the best parts of the trip was when we'd cross back into Georgia on the way home we'd stop at the first exit in Augusta for gas. Then to the Krispy Kreme just off the interstate. Looking back on it, I now realize it wasn't so much that my parents craved donuts at that point. It was more likely that they realized with 2 hours left of driving the best way to shut my brother and I up was to shove big fat fried dough rings in our face. YUMMY!
Oh yes I love Krispy Kreme. In college my (and Nancy's) guilty pleasure was Krispy Kreme chocolate covered creme filled donuts and Tropicana Pure Premium orange juice. (Everyone wrinkle their nose at this, but I don't drink coffee or milk, so I learned to improvise.) Nothing makes late night college life better than shoving big fat fried dough rings into your mouth. YUMMY!
What do you mean "Donut Addiction?"
Upon arrival in Wilmington I discovered there just weren't as many Krispy Kremes as in Macon. There were a lot more Dunkin Donuts. ("Dumpin Donuts" cause they taste like poo.) This seemed odd since Krispy Kreme donuts were created in North Carolina up in Winston-Salem.
After I'd been here a while and felt I'd found "the best of the best" of places to eat, I was telling someone about what I found. They sat and nodded patiently as I told them with excitement about PT's Grille, and Dub's Dawgs, and Trolley Stop, and Cubbies. Once I'd finished they simply said "That's nice and all, but you can forget all that stuff. Just go to Britt's."
Part of the "problem" with Britt's is finding the place. Forget finding them on a map. They're technically not even on a street. If you look them up in the phone book the address is some cryptic letter number combination talkinmg about a boardwalk. Don't bother calling them, as they often just don't answer the phone when they're really busy. And no they don't have voice mail. Web site? Heck no, Britt's doesn't have a web site, or email, or any of that modern techno-junk. What does Britt's have?

Donuts

With a company that seems to have the best "Anti-marketing" campaign, you wouldn't expect them to do very well. You'd be wrong. They've been around forever and they're a local legend. Even if they are tough to find. In fact forget trying to MapQuest or Google Map it. It won't work. The only way to find britt's is to have someone take you there. And they're only open about 4 or 5 months a year. And they have unpredictable hours. As this poor guy found out:
If the video above doesn't play click hereNow, I want you to just sit and contemplate and perhaps even drool a little bit at the tought of the world's greatest donut, that does in fact beat the glaze out of Krispy Kreme. I want you to sit and think about it, and wait. Like I had to. Because I learned about Britt's in February, but they didn't open until May.
I won't make you wait three months for satisfaction. I will however make you wait until tomorrow. Until then, go get yourself some "Hot Now" Krispy Kreme donuts and enjoy them knowing that today will be the last day you think they are the greatest donuts on Earth. Tomorrow you meet Britt's, and everything changes. (That sounded a bit like the DTV Transition didn't it?)

A steak in the heart

2008-09-11T08:47:00.002-05:00

Everyone knows how much I enjoy meat. Bacon is King, but steak runs a close second. I think that whoever decided to wrap steak in bacon should be given a Nobel Prize. Whoever finally manages to cross breed a pig and a cow if really gonna have something special (and delicious).
Many years ago, I had a weekly appointment with the Applebee's in Macon. Monday night was steak night so you got your first drink for free when you ordered a steak. Ahh, how I loved The Bee. But personal problems forced me to abandon The Bee, Steaknight, and the free drink. I had to turn elsewhere for my steak fix.
One of the big selling points to The Bee was the fact it was very close to home. I could stop by on the way home from work. Convenience is a wonderful thing. But when I abandoned The Bees I discovered a whole new world of convenience: steak delivery.
Macon has a Steak-Out steak delivery place. It wasn't terribly expensive, and the convenience of having a char broiled steak delivered to your house more than made up for the cost. No need to light the grill or wait for the coals. They even made some of the best grilled mushrooms ever.
My meal of choice was the "mixed grill." That's a small order of sirloin tips plus a grilled boneless chicken breast. You always get a salad and baked potato, plus a delicious roll. Throw in the grilled mushrooms and it's a great meal. AND they bring it to you!
So last week for whatever reason, Tasha and I got to talking about steak. And suddenly the craving hit me. Actually I always have a steak craving, it's just some days it is harder to ignore than other days. At the time it was after 11 o'clock, so Steak out was closed. We sat and talked about how great the food was. I went to bed dreaming on steak and mushrooms. The entire next day was just a prelude to Steak Out for supper. I had even brought up the menu and was mentally making my order.
Once I got home we grabbed the phone book to find the number. Usually I have 3 or 4 Steak-Out menus lying around, but someone (Tasha) cleaned up and I now have zero menus. We found the number and she called. My hands were shaking in anticipation too much to hit the tiny buttons on the phone.
She dialed the number. She listened, she waited. She looked confused. She hung up. She dialed again. She waited some more. She looked upset. She hung up."That number is no longer in service."The words hung in the air like the delicious smell of a fresh hot charbroiled steak with sauteed onions and mushrooms. "No Longer in Service."
After I got up on the floor, I ran to the computer to verify the number from the phone book. After all I had never used the phone book to call Steak out, I used one of the 3 or 4 menus I kept strategically placed around the living room. Sure enough the number matched. I grabbed the phone and dialed. "This number is no longer in service."Noooooooooooooooooooo!So there we stand foaming at the mouth at the thought of home delivered char grilled steak, chicken, and mushrooms (with a salad, potato, and a roll), and we'd had the world ripped out from under us.
There must be a problem, I thought. This simply doesn't happen. Tasha swears she saw a Steak Out delivery car the previous weekend. I vowed to get to the bottom of things the next morning. I don't even remember what I had for dinner that night. I may have gone to bed hungry. My stomach has apparently come down with a bout of amnesia.
I got up early the next morning. (Actually I get up early every morning.) I drove by Steak Out. Sure enough there it was, big sign and awning and everything. There were the big red delivery bags inside and a car out front. The lights were out, but at 8am, that's to be expected. I came home and fired off an email:

Sent: Sat 9/6/2008 8:21 AM
Subject: Steakout in Wilmington
We tried to call Steakout in Wilmington NC the other night and the message said it was disconnected. I drove by the other day to check and I couldn’t tell if the place was open or not. I could have sworn we saw a Steak Out delivery car a week ago.
Has our local store closed?
Any plans to reopen somewhere else?
Jason
Wilmington, NC

I tried to go about my business the rest of the day, but I couldn't help but think of steak, delicious steak, and how I had been robbed of it at the last moment. Luckily, it didn't take them long to reply. Or, you might say, to quickly delivery it to my door.

Sent: Sat 9/6/2008 10:09 AM
Subject: Re: Steakout in Wilmington
Dear Jason:
Thank you for your comments to our website. Unfortunately, the Steak-Out in Wilmington, NC is closed for business. We don't expect them to re-open. We appreciate your past patronage and hope you will order from us when visiting a town with a Steak-Out.
Sincerely,
Kelly Posey
Steak-Out Marketing

It's true. It's all true. A quick check of their website this morning show that they have removed the Wilmington store from their list. I am in shock. I'm fairly certain the store in Macon won't deliver all the way over to Wilmington. Steak-shock.
Sure we have the new Ruth's Chris downtown across the street from where I work. (For the record, the picture on the Ruth's Chris site is NOT the location on North Water St in Wilmington.) Ruth's Chris is sort of the opposite of Steak-Out. Ruth's is expensive, you have to go there, they do valet parking, and you have to dress up. Steak out is inexpensive, they come to you, they have to worry about parking, and you only have to put on clothes to answer the door. (Thought I do recommend wearing clothes while eating the grilled mushrooms. They're juicy and hot.)
So now I am on a steak-hunt. I am worried I may have to break down and return to The Bee. At least this is a different location, but really, aren't ALL Applebee's the same? And Chili's, TGI Friday's, Ruby Tuesdays (despite their recent reinvention) and all of those other "quick casual" places?Go Meat?

And the actual price of your showcase is.... [static]

2008-09-08T22:26:00.003-05:00

As I was setting up my recording equipment this morning to catch the DTV transition I realized that the whole ceremony was starting at 10:30am for the noon switch over. I saw one channel would be starting their coverage at 11, so I decided to record from 11am to 1pm. Problem is, once I yanked the cable and plugged in the rabbit ears, I couldn't pick up that station. I decided to go with the local CBS station which came in the strongest.
As I was setting up the recording times I realized that the transition would be cuttign into The Price is Right (known among true fans as TPIR). I bet if Bob Barker was still hosting they'd have pushed the time back to 1 or 2pm. Sure enough when the actual transition happened, you never got to see what the actual price of the showcase was. Stupid DTV Transition.
I also found that TPIR is not the only secret problem facing DTV and the transition. While flipping channels, I discovered than 3 of the 4 local stations had lost sound around 10:45. I don't know when (or if) they ever got it back before the change. On a more personal note, it seems than FCC Chairman Kevin Martin may have had a good reason to come hide out in Wilmington the past few weeks. Apparently he's in hot water with a few senators over his handling of cable companies during the DTV transition. As I have said before, I am so proud of my representatives in Washington for spending my valuable tax dollars on such important issues, while gas prices are too high, we're fighting 2 or 3 wars, and people can't afford the houses they live in.
It seems there are other issues with DTV that no one really wants the rest of the world to know. Sure we've heard the official reasons why Wilmington was chosen. But if you scroll to the end of this article you'll find the REAL reason Wilmington was chosen. This is often referred to as "cherry picking." Find a test market that will make the transition appear smooth, so you can tell the rest of the world there's nothing to worry about.
And if you were thinking that all you had to do to make sure mom and pop could watch TV, think again. This article by a local CBS station's engineer will explain that even if you do get the DTV converter box, you're still probably screwed.
And speaking of converter boxes, after my previous post about the lack of battery operated boxes, I got an email from Dr. A:

Also, several of the converters run off an ac adapter that's rated at 12VDC... In fact, I've bought two...so the converters are battery operated if you are a small bit techno savvy...Nonetheless, you are so correct..none have a battery compartment...

I do need to point out that when Dr. A says "a small bit techno savvy" that is may be a relatively small bit.
But with that in mind, I now present my latest idea to anyone who wants to make a barely honest dollar. Go get a bunch of DTV Converters and attach some batteries to them. They make 12 volt batteries, usually used in cameras, or you can make it look more professional by making them plug in 8 AAA batteries instead. But where you'll make your money is this: Patent them as "Hurricaneproof Digital TV Converters" and abbreviate them on the box as "HDTV Converter Boxes." I bet you could easily charge $100 each for them. Just send me a cut of the profits!
Anyway, once I finally got home this evening (I covered a 6-9pm class for another instructor tonight) I grabbed a spot on the sofa and replayed the event. Sure enough about 30 minutes before the transition they changed over to the ceremony down at Thalian Hall. Lots of dignitaries and government people talking endlessly. Across the frotn sat 3 or 4 TV sets, I assume were turned to all the local TV stations. As everyone droned on and on I turned to Tasha and said "All they really need is a gigantic switch to flip." Sure enough, 5 minutes later they zoomed out to show the biggest, cheesiest, 7' tall lightswitch with "Analog" as the "down" and "Digital" as the "up."
When they got about 3 minutes away, all the officials gathered around with the FCC Chairman on one side and Wilmingon Mayor Bill Saffo on the other. They then reached out to prepare to flip the switch. If you recall my Krystal Kritter Hippo Lightswitch Cover post you know exactly what I was thinking: "That's one big phallic symbol the FCC Chairman and our Mayor are holding onto." Sure enough the countdown started and pictures started clicking and then they flipped the switch... early... by 3 seconds. You'd think someone would have a digital watch, not an analog watch to time this thing.
So anyway, now when you turn on regular TV with the rabbit ears, all of the regular Tv station are running the following text in a never ending loop:
At 12 noon on Sept. 8, 2008, commercial Television stations in Wilmington, North Carolina began to broadcast programming exclusively in a digital format.
If you are viewing this message, this television set has not yet been upgraded to digital.
To receive your television signals, upgrade to digital now with a converter box, a new Tv set with a digital (ATSC) tuner or by subscribing to a pay service like cable or satellite.
For more infromation call: 1-877-DTV-0908 or TTY: 1-866-644-0908 or visit www.dtvwilmington.com.
Seems to me the easiest way to handle the conversion for the rest of the world is to essentially flip the switch to digital for the rest of the country for 5 minutes displaying a similar message every few hours to start with and increasingly longer and more often. It would certainly get the point across, be less annoying to those who have already made the transition, and require a lot less work in the long run.
But then I guess that's why I don't run the FCC. I might actually accomplish things ahead of time and under budget. And that's just not how our government works, is it? Maybe next they can investigate steroid use in Digital Television?

Duh-TV transition

2008-09-07T07:57:00.003-05:00

Have you heard anything about the "Digital Television Transition" thing? You may THINK you have, but you haven't heard anything yet. Sure there's the occasional commercials on TV about the switch coming in February, and you look and nod, and go about your day. Trust me. You haven't seen ANYTHING yet. How do I know?Wilmington, NC was chosen as the guinea pig.
On Monday afternoon, Wilmington officially flips the switch to DTV 4 months before the rest of the world. Since the decision was made things have been a mad house around here, and getting worse. If you check the dates for the two article links you'll see they are dated 4 months ago.
For the past 4 months, Wilmingtonians have been pummelled, battered, ad brutalized about this transition. And it gets progressively more intense every day. Now every commercial break has at least 1 mention of it. Every news broadcast has 2-5 minutes set aside to talk about it. There are 3 different 30 minute "shows" on the cable and gov't access channels talking about it. Your cable bill MUST include notices about the transition until March. I don't read the local paper but can only assume it's hock full of DTV stuff, too. Trust me, you haven't experienced the DTV Transition yet.
Once the assault begins, you to will get just as fed up as those of us in Wilmington. More time, money, and effort has been spent on this transition than the Y2K problem. (Which incidentally was a bigger problem yet went off without a hitch.) The one thing that keeps coming through loud and clear out of all of this is:Your government thinks you are stupid, and wants you to depend on the government for everything.If they'd let me handle this they wouldn't need a 30 minute infomercial, nor would they need to take time away from Deal or No Deal and waste it on explaining the DTV Transition.
Step 1) Hold up the end of a Coax cable TV cable and say "If this goes into the back of all your TVs, then you're fine. Have a nice day. Turn the channel."
Step 2) Hold up a satellite dish and say "If you have one of these in your yard, you're OK. Have a nice day. Turn the channel now."
Step 3) Say "If your TVs all get more than 10 channels, you're not going to be affected. Have a nice day. Change the channel."
Step 4) Those that are left will have an issue. You then display the phone number, web address, and mailing address for them to get their free $20 converter box coupons (AKA suckle at the teat of the great government cow.)
While we're on the topic of how the government and FCC can screw this up more than a 4 year old, lets address their choice of time and location.
Wilmington makes a decent choice in that a huge percentage of the population has cable or the dish. (Tells you something about the local channels doesn't it?) So the DTV Transition will supposedly directly affect few people.
The time of year, roughly 4 months before the rest of the world, seems valid.
The problem is, if you'll watch the weather channel, read history books (or my last post), or LIVE HERE, you'd know. We have things called HURRICANES. They tend to hit in SEPTEMBER. They often KNOCK OUT POWER (and thus cable, satellite, and the DTV converter boxes, since they do not make any that run on batteries). And people often DEPEND on TV hooked to a generator or battery power to get important news on the weather and evacuation orders. These battery powered TVs WILL NOT WORK after the transition unless you ALSO hook the DTV converter box to your generator.
Why on Earth didn't they either pick a different city, not affected by predictable weather issues? Or pick a different time of year to do this in Wilmington (AKA Hurricane Punching Bag, USA)? I can only assume the decision was made by people that have already been convinced by the government that they are stupid.
One of the issues that is very subtle, and only came to light when I recently talked to people who had not been beaten to death by the DTV onslaught (since they live elsewhere) was the name: DTV.
Cable TV and DirectTV are loving this. The average Joe hears that we MUST switch to "DTV" and they're out there buying HDTVs, and signing up for the dish (DirectTV markets itself as DTV) and cable, who are gladly pushing the fact that they "already have HDTV." I wish someone would investigate and see if there were any kick backs involved between the cable and dish companies as well as the companies making HDTVs to the officials in charge to name this whole mess "DTV."
Had they named this "SuperTV" or STV there wouldn't be any confusion. Or heck to go with the latest trend in pointless abbreviations, lets call it "Extreme Television" or XTV. (Of course then the porn industry would probably sue.)
I am not upset about the transition at all. I understand why it is being done. Heck after roughly 45 hours of public service ads over the past 4 months, I probably know entirely too much about the transition. My concern is the method they have used to inform the public. If they had sat down around a table and said "How can we make this messy and confusing?" I think they've done a good job.
Well I have had cable since I was in college. So I know I'll be OK. My internet runs through my cable connection, so no chance in me switching that any time soon. However, for the benefit of those who live outside ground zero, I have been working on my own public service announcement. I won't be home at noon tomorrow when they flip the switch. I'll be working. I can only pray that when they do flip the switch it doesn't take out the entire city.
I will however, be recording the event. In one room will be a DVR recording the event on cable TV, which shouldn't even flicker. In another room I'll be recording on a TV with bunny ears. I haven't yet decided WHICH channel to actually record yet, since I don't watch much local TV. (I do live in Wilmington, where everyone watched TV from somewhere else.) Maybe once I get them taped I will see if I can find a way to get the two feeds "stitched together" into one video so you can see the actual transition side by side. I'm not in any kind of rush though since it's 4 months til the rest of the world goes through this. By then the DTV subliminal "Take your Soma" messages should have taken their toll, and I will be as docile and compliant as a kitten.

Windy, ain't it? No, it's Friday!

2008-09-05T16:52:00.004-05:00

So anybody see a hurricane around here anywhere?
For the record, yes I know there's a hurricane coming. No, I haven't packed up and fled the city. The first thing you learn when you move to coastal North Carolina is to watch what the old time locals and natives do.
Hannah, the current "threat" is straddling the line between a category one hurricane and a tropical storm. Following "local guidance" the proper response for this type of storm is to go get alcohol, snacks, and ice, and have a party.
When you mention Hannah around here, everyone laughs, however, almost without exception they will also respond by saying, "Now Ike has me worried."
Ike is the next storm in line, and up until about 3 hours ago it appeared to be following the line of bread crumbs left by Hanna as she tip toed around the Atlantic. Josephine is apparently coming along the same path looking for scraps.
As I sat down to decide what to have for my very own hurricane party, I suddenly realized all my work was done. From the other side of the Atlantic, a package arrived with the perfect party snack.You may recall back in January, I got got a surprise Cadbury gift from my friend Nancy. Since Nancy lives in England, she has easy access to all that is chocolate and gooey and delicious. I hesitated to eat my foreign chocolate gift, but Nancy yelled at me, so I did. On Monday I hit the motherload!While Hannah is getting all twisted in the Atlantic, I'm going to be getting all twisted at home.While The National Hurricane Center has to sent out big planes and drop all kinds of expensive probes to see what's in the center of a hurricane, It only takes me one bite to see what's in the middle of these: GOO!!I'm not worried if it starts flooding and the water rises around here. I can just climb on board my raft of Flumps and float out of here!

Vague memories of DragonCon

2008-09-03T05:17:00.004-05:00

24 pack of Smirnoff Ice: Free
(At least until Jimmy reads this and sends me the bill.)

Pictures with the girls from Crüxshadows: Free

Waking up in a parking deck somewhere in Atlanta: PricelessFor those who wish to play "Scratch-N-Sniff," the Smirnoff smells like Citrus, the CrüxChickie smells like vanilla, and the parking deck smells like poop. Enjoy!
The flight down on Friday was packed. As I boarded the plane you couldn't help but notice the waves of smoke or fog rolling down the aisle. I was excited at the thought of an In-Flight Concert by Whitesnake. Of course one or two of the people on board freaked out. Normally smoke on a plane would be a bad thing, but when the doors are open in warm humid Wilmington and the plane's AC is set down around 60, it is to be expected. Besides, since it was EVERYWHERE (including the cockpit), it's likely the crew has noticed it too.
Since I flew in on a connecting flight, we didn't rate a "real" gate in Atlanta. We got run like cattle, through the flexible ramp and up and down stairs to our gate. Because I have been properly brainwashed by the Air Force, I was picking out FOD all along the way. (Rocks, a pencil, pigeons, etc.)
At the end of the weekend, I dragged my carcass down 12 flights of stairs, through four different escalators, through two MARTA stations, ticketing and baggage drop off at Atlanta Airport, through security and out to my gate, and finally on to my plane. I was so glad to see that whoever got the seat next to me on the plane didn't show up. Whoever had seat 6D on the Atlanta to Wilmington flight Monday: Thanks For Missing Your Flight!
You know your going to have a good flight home when the guy comes on the speaker and announces

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Delta. I am Steve and I will be taking care of you today. I just wanted to tell you that the Captain has spun the wheel and it landed on Wilmington, NC today. So if you have a golden ticket that says "Wilmington" then you're a winner! Otherwise, we have some nice parting gifts for you. You can pick them up back at the gate.

I arrived home about 3pm and went directly to bed. I did not pass Go and I did not collect $200. I am not sure I am awake yet.
Thankfully this is a short work week. Unfortunately, I am giving tests on Thursday, Friday, and Monday. If only my classes were filled with girls from Crüxshadows...

Dragons, Airports, and 311

2008-08-29T06:54:00.002-05:00

Just when you thought the skies were friendly again, I will once again be returning to the airport. Not a fake airport like my previous post. I'll be flying out of a real airport this afternoon. (Though once you have seen Wilmington's airport you may questions if it qualifies to sit at the big kid table at Thanksgiving.)
Yes, my friends, this weekend is Dragon Con weekend in Atlanta.
Last year, since I didn't have classes on Friday, I just drove down to Conyers and rode in with Chris the next morning. No problems, no worries. Well if you scroll down to my teaching schedule for this semester you'll see I work on Friday til about 4. That throws a big monkey wrench in the plans. (Do you throw wrenches in plans?)
I had pretty much decided I'd leave class Friday and drive down the 6.5-7 hours, arriving after midnight. Everyone's sure to be up, since sleeping at the convention is not allowed.
Then gas prices went through the roof. Then they went higher. I decided to re-evaluate my plan. Flying down started to seem more reasonable. Out of Wilmington, Delta flies direct flights. Another airline also flies via Charlotte to Atlanta at a cheaper rate.
I put a watch on the flights through Charlotte that were running about $250 round trip. Then as we all know the airlines went nuts, cranking up prices, taking away your soda and nuts, and limiting your checked bags. Almost immediately the flight I'd been watching more than doubled in price. It took me a while to figure out why. The flight from Charlotte to Atlanta had filled to capacity, and they decided to overbook and overcharge. I tried not to over react.
I then turned to the direct Delta flights. About $450 round trip. Ouch! However, I'd be to Atlanta in 90 minutes and could MARTA in to the convention, for an additional $3.50 round trip. Not a bad solution, I guess.
Then I realized I now have to deal with TSA. Crap.
Jimmy strongly suggested I not check any bags. Atlanta airport can have trouble locating bags sometimes. I've carried on almost every time except a trip to Buffalo for Chris' wedding back in 2003. While trying to find out the current TSA policies (at least the policies they are SUPPOSED to follow) I hit the web.
I don't know why I bother. They don't ever do what they say they do. One day they say you don't have to remove your shoes, but then the guy at the x-ray machine yells at your for not taking off your shoes. One day they tell you to take your shoes off, but then you find you're the only one doing it. I am waiting for the day they make us take off one shoe but not the other.
As I was reading over TSA's latest ideas on security I noticed they'd implemented the 3-1-1 plan. I got excited because I happen to enjoy the band 311. It might make my trip go better with their fun fresh fusion of rock and reggae music. Sadly, I kept reading. There will be no fun fresh fusion music at the airport.
The 311 rule says for carry on bags you can have all the liquids, gels, aerosols, you like as long as they are less than 3 ounces. Have you got any idea how small 3 ounces is? If you go and buy "travel sized" bathroom items at the store, most of them are over 3 ounces.
As I stand in the bedroom with all of my toiletries laid out on my bed I suddenly find the answer to the question I have had for years:Why do "Conventioneers" smell so bad?The answer? TSA. People just don't bother bringing soap, shampoo, mouthwash, toothpaste, or the other various items most consider essential for hygiene and sanitation. So contrary to what I originally though, TSA doesn't stink. The whole world stinks BECAUSE of TSA.
Since I refuse to be "one of those guys" I have opted to check a bag. I was thinking of just putting the super jumbo bottle of Pert Shampoo I have into my suitcase, and maybe my biggest bottle of mouthwash, too. Not that I think I'll need it, but just to rock the ~~boat~~ plane. Also, since I'd had everything packed into a carry on, and have since relocated it to a regular rolling suitcase I have a LOT of extra space.
I have been thinking of packing liquor and alcohol now, since it's allowed in checked bags, but I have found out that it can't be any higher than 70% alcohol, or 140 proof. Whew! I was cutting it close. I mean who doesn't like a big ol' glass of paint remover right before bed?
I am trying to stay positive and hope this trip goes smoothly in both directions. But there's always those magic words you hear echoing in the back of your mind:Cavity SearchThis evening around 5pm, I'll be sprinting through the local airport, with a suitcase full of liquor and shampoo, leaping over small children and people's oversized rolling luggage, clenching my butt cheeks together, and just trying not to think about the fact I'll have to do it all again Monday afternoon.
And to think, airplane travel used to be the most dignified way to travel.

Cape Fear Community Airport

2008-08-20T18:20:00.006-05:00

I need another airport story like I need a hysterectomy. So far, in the past month, I've deal with Dulles airport shipping my brother and his family out of the country. I have also been to the Wilmington Airport (ILM) when my friend Jen came to visit for a week. I also had to make an additional trip to ILM to pick up some tourist junk for my friend Heidi. And in about 10 days I am going to be flying out of ILM to Atlanta Airport (ATL) for my annual trip to Dragon Con.
So I am sure you'll understand that I had to rub my eyes TWICE when I arrived to work this morning only to be greeted by this:I have to drive by ILM on the way to work, so I had to figure out if I'd made a horribly wrong turn. Or perhaps it was a brutal flash back to when I worked on base and had to walk around and under airplanes to get to my office.
Slowly it dawned on me. I seemed to recall an email sent down last week by our Dean:

One Tree Hill will be using a part of the NA building on August 19th.
As you may recall, they use the rear of the building (across from the soccer field) and make it into an international airport. They will also be doing some filming in the Atrium. This will not be to the extent that it will disrupt activities (library, classes, cafeteria, last drop add session)

For the brief background, there's a TV show named One Tree Hill on the WB network (or whatever they're calling themselves now). If you've never heard of OTH then it is likely you aren't a teenage girl. Apparently the stars of the show are "HAWT" (said in poor Paris Hilton impersonation).
Most folks don't know it but Wilmington, NC is a HUGE film production area. They say that we are home to the largest film studio outside of California, EUE/Screengem Studios (Started by Frank Capra Jr.) For those that were teenage girls in the mid 90's you may recall Dawson's Creek which was filmed in and around town. Of course Brandon Lee died here, and most folks don't know it but Steve Buscemi got into a fight and got stabbed here a few years back. That actually happened a block or two from where I now teach downtown.
Anyway, as you can see they like to film in"Wilmy-wood" and especially the shows that cater to teenage girls. Both campuses (campi?) of CFCC are used, though mainly downtown. I think it's sort of funny that they are using a college as the set for a high school. Ah yes, realism!
So back to the email message. When we saw they were turning our building into an airport, there were lots of questions and confusion. First of all, why not just use the real Wilmington Airport, less than 5 miles away. The answer has three letters: TSA
It's funny that it's easier to turn a school into an airport than it is to film at a real airport. However, those film crews do a darn good job:I did notice though that they didn't have a Cinnabon like every other airport in the US, nor were there any rent-a-sherpas outside.
As the day went on more and more stuff started piling in. We had HUGE power cables running down the middle of the halls. (Somehow I wondered if this fit into the idea of not being "disruptive.")Obviously I don't watch One Tree Hill. The only reason I ever watched any of Dawson's Creek was that I had to tape it for my friend Halle who got hooked on it while at Mercer, but moved to Aiken, SC where they didn't have the WB, and thus no Dawson's Creek.
Luckily, I have a new officemate this semester and she admitted she watches One Tree Hill. She says it's neat to see all the familiar places. I suspect that ranks up there with reading Playboy magazine for the articles. After everyone in the office laughed at Jackie, we then asked why they needed an airport. So here's the story, as told by Jackie:
Apparently last season's cliff hanger found the main studly character had flown back from somewhere. As he walked through the airport he called someone on his cell to tell them he'd landed and could they come pick him up. Then the scene changed and somehow they show three different girls phones ring and they answer. So the cliffhanger is: which girl did he really call?!?!?! Oooooohhhhh makes you wanna tune in on Sept. 1st to see right? (Me either.)
Since my office hours ran til 5:30 and they wouldn't start filming til tonight I got to watch a lot of the set up. I noticed a lot of student pulling their bookbags around, which seemed off, until I realized: Airport? Duh! These were the extras, with their "luggage." When it was time for me to pack up and head home I saw one guy with lots of gear on him stand in the atrium and loudly call "Riggers!!" (Again, I suspect that may qualify as "disruptive.") As I watched the riggers gather for their rigging orders, I recalled one of my oldest dreams.(squiggly lines as the dream sequence starts)About 3 or 4 years ago, while at MGTC, the local "news crew" (one girl, and her camera) showed up to film a story on the Early Childhood Ed (ECE) program. The Director of ECE, Sharon, was in the cube next to me. The Newsy-girl along with MGTC's PR chickie wanted to film in several locations. Being the ~~gentleman~~ sherpa that I am, I offered to carry her camera and tripod around campus. After we'd wandered all over campus and filmed entirely too much footage, PR chickie thanked me for my help, to which I replied "I've always wanted to be a Grip." As I said this Newsy-chik's head about spun off as she turned to look at me. "Where did you learn about being a grip?!?" she asked, as if I had somehow broken into a secret society. My reply was short and simple: "Movie Credits."
Sadly, I got no credit in the news broadcast. I have asked my friend Andrea, who has her own production company, if I can be a grip on one of her stories. I've gotten no reply as of yet. In all honesty, I'd rather be a Gaffer but that actually takes skill, so I'm pobably out of luck. (Andrea?)
CFCC does have a film department and they actually feed graduates to ScreenGems. So maybe I'll look into taking a few classes.
For now I'll just hang out in the only airport in the US without a Cinnabon or TSA. How cool would it be if you got to take a free class during your airport layover?!?
"I got snowed in in Denver, but I learned to use FrontPage!"